A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the hell is wrong with you dumb ass? I said I need handsaw!!"
The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
I had a row with my wife last night, she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me and it only just missed my head. It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.
In the light of recent police announcements that they no longer consider it necessary to attend the scene of domestic burglaries, I have taken down the St. George's flag from beside the house and peeled the burglar alarm sticker off the front door.
We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our Neighbourhood Watch scheme.
I've bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front garden, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the centre.
Now the local police, CID, MI5, SAS and other UK Counter Terrorism agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
We've never felt safer and we're saving £24.95 a month!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Comments
It always ended in an argument about the oxide rule.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the hell is wrong with you dumb ass? I said I need handsaw!!"
The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."
Mufasa!
He said when I woke up I would think I was a soft, malleable, heavy metal with the atomic number of 82.
I've always been easily lead.
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to
discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to
make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and
placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be
Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends."
They entered a football competition
In the light of recent police announcements that they no longer consider it necessary to attend the scene of domestic burglaries, I have taken down the St. George's flag from beside the house and peeled the burglar alarm sticker off the front door.
We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our Neighbourhood Watch scheme.
I've bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front garden, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the centre.
Now the local police, CID, MI5, SAS and other UK Counter Terrorism agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
We've never felt safer and we're saving £24.95 a month!
The next station is Kew, where this train will germinate.
"Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?"
Yes please
"THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"
Quid each.
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
"Joseph served in the courts of Pharaoh"
The Largest Women the Bible .......The woman of Samaria
And the doctor fainted
I said "na"
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Caught in a trap.
There's usually and Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman too but they're all still at the rugby World Cup.