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limericks
Salad
Posts: 10,189
There was a young manager Alan,
For whom building the club was a talent.
Then came Iain, a curse,
His successor was worse,
But Phil has begun building again.
For whom building the club was a talent.
Then came Iain, a curse,
His successor was worse,
But Phil has begun building again.
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Comments
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There was a young manager called Iain
He was f*****g sh*t2 -
There once was a manager called Phil
Whose performance made fans feel quite ill
They watched with a frown
As he kept the club down
will he take us up? - no I doubt that he will.0 -
There once was a lady called Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle
And what's more abominable
A swelling abdominal
Proved to Myrtle, the Turtle was fertile3 -
There was a young nymph from Penzance
Who travelled by bust to South Hants
Five others ****** her
Besides the conducter
and the driver **** twice in his pants0 -
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
Try as he might
He ne'er got it right
As he thought that you should try and get as many words into the last line as you possibly can1 -
There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a perculiar feeling
She layed on her back
and opened her crack
and peed all over the ceiling0 -
there was a young man from Madrass
Whose balls were constructed of brass
When they jangled together
They played stormy weather
and lightning shot out of his arse0 -
There was a young man from Nepal
With a very mathematical ball
The cube of it's weight
Plus his d*** minus eight
Was twice the square root of f*** all.0 -
there was an old man from leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
within the hour, his pr*ck was in flower
and his b*lls, were covered in weeds0 -
Enough of this filth! Here's a little poem my Dad made up on the old (steam bucket) Woolwich ferry to cheer me up after we'd seen the Arsenal beat us at Highbury, 2-1: (1952)
There was a young fellow named Terry
who went for a ride on a ferry
he said to his Mum 'I feel very glum,
I fancy a port or a sherry!
I was 36 at the time.1 -
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Build a bonfire
Build a bonfire
Put the Palace on the top
Put the Millwall in the middle
And burn the F'ing lot0 -
There was a young man called Wayne
Who was to be the savior of the English game
Turns out he's a twat
We should've known that
And should never play for England again
You can have that one for free
There once was a player called Bailey
Who scored goals for us almost daily
We were very sad
When he packed his bags
And went to boro with his ukelele
n.b. very difficult to find words that rhyme with bailey
There was a bloke called Chris Powell
Who never committed a foul
He'll be a Charlton Legend
Even when he's up in heaven
And he still won't throw in the towell0 -
There once was a woman called Alice,
Who used a dynamite stick as a phallus,
They found her vagina,
in North Carolina,
and the rest of poor alice in Dallas.
There was an old man from Belgrave,
Who found a dead whore in a cave
He said, "that's disgusting,
but it only needs dusting,
and think of the money I'll save"!
There was a young man from Bombay,
who modelled a c*** out of clay,
The heat from his prick,
Turned the clay into brick,
And it rubbed all his foreskin away!
While once with the Duchess at tea,
she asked, "do you burp when you pee"?
I replied with some wit,
"Do you fart when you shit"?
And felt it was one up to me.0 -
There was a young man from Kent
Whose tool was exceptionally bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went0 -
There was a young man of Tralee
Who was stung on the leg by a wasp
When asked if it hurt,
He replied 'not at all',
'It can do it again if it likes'0 -
there was an old lady from pod
who wanted a baby from god
it wasn't almighty that lifted her nightie
it was the vicar the dirty old sod0 -
A hairy young chap from Pratt's Bottom
Took his balls out -on Mondays- to wash them.
His wife said "Pratt -
If you you don't put them back ..
I'll put them in mangle
And Squashem.0 -
There was a young man from Devises,
who had balls of different sizes.
One ball was small,
almost no size at all,
and the other won various prizes!0 -
4 -
8 -
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Maybe we should stick to ones about SE London.
There was a young man from New Cross
Who didn't give much of a toss
Got sick of his job
So opened his gobAnd said 'you're a knob' to his boss0 -
There was a young girl from BlackheathWho fell for a guy known as Keith
When snogging his face off
He said 'take your brace off'
So she bit off his tongue with her teeth0 -
There was a young lady from Kamchatka
Who worked for Sir Max til he sacked her
But the smell of her perfume
It still filled every room
So Sir Max got her back and Max Factor0 -
The sheik from the UAE,
said he'd buy CAFC.
Could be a cash flow
and maybe a no go,
so once again fucked,
tied up and plucked.
With a gun and a rope,
off to Belgium I slope
We just hope, hope, hope!
1 -
There there was an old man from looe who found he had nothing to do
so he sat on the stairs and counted his hairs
and found he had 720 -
There was a young girl from Devises,
Who had tits that we’re different sizes,
The left one was small,
It was no use at all,
Whilst the right one was huge and won prizes.2 -
There was a young man from Gwent
Whose tool was exceedingly bent
To save himself trouble he folded it double
And instead of coming he went2 -
There lived a poor man in Kent
Was camping in a tent
He'd rather a house but had a big grouse
He couldn't afford the rent0 -
A yellow-toothed moronic Walloon
Couldn't sell Charlton FC too soon
We want him to go
But the process is slow
Do you think he'll be gone by June?0 -
Mowgli, a wild-haired nerd
Had a list of players, preferred
He said "I have a dream...
...to select all the team"
We said, "Fuck of you weird techie turd"0
