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limericks

edited July 2010 in General Charlton
There was a young manager Alan,
For whom building the club was a talent.
Then came Iain, a curse,
His successor was worse,
But Phil has begun building again.
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Comments

  • There was a young manager called Iain
    He was f*****g sh*t
  • There once was a manager called Phil
    Whose performance made fans feel quite ill
    They watched with a frown
    As he kept the club down
    will he take us up? - no I doubt that he will.
  • There once was a lady called Myrtle
    Who had an affair with a turtle
    And what's more abominable
    A swelling abdominal
    Proved to Myrtle, the Turtle was fertile
  • There was a young nymph from Penzance
    Who travelled by bust to South Hants
    Five others ****** her
    Besides the conducter
    and the driver **** twice in his pants
  • There was a young man from Japan
    Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
    Try as he might
    He ne'er got it right
    As he thought that you should try and get as many words into the last line as you possibly can
  • There was a young lady from Ealing
    Who had a perculiar feeling
    She layed on her back
    and opened her crack
    and peed all over the ceiling
  • there was a young man from Madrass
    Whose balls were constructed of brass
    When they jangled together
    They played stormy weather
    and lightning shot out of his arse
  • There was a young man from Nepal
    With a very mathematical ball
    The cube of it's weight
    Plus his d*** minus eight
    Was twice the square root of f*** all.
  • there was an old man from leeds
    who swallowed a packet of seeds
    within the hour, his pr*ck was in flower
    and his b*lls, were covered in weeds
  • Enough of this filth! Here's a little poem my Dad made up on the old (steam bucket) Woolwich ferry to cheer me up after we'd seen the Arsenal beat us at Highbury, 2-1: (1952)

    There was a young fellow named Terry
    who went for a ride on a ferry
    he said to his Mum 'I feel very glum,
    I fancy a port or a sherry!

    I was 36 at the time.
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  • Build a bonfire
    Build a bonfire
    Put the Palace on the top
    Put the Millwall in the middle
    And burn the F'ing lot
  • edited July 2010
    There was a young man called Wayne
    Who was to be the savior of the English game
    Turns out he's a twat
    We should've known that
    And should never play for England again

    You can have that one for free


    There once was a player called Bailey
    Who scored goals for us almost daily
    We were very sad
    When he packed his bags
    And went to boro with his ukelele

    n.b. very difficult to find words that rhyme with bailey


    There was a bloke called Chris Powell
    Who never committed a foul
    He'll be a Charlton Legend
    Even when he's up in heaven
    And he still won't throw in the towell
  • There once was a woman called Alice,
    Who used a dynamite stick as a phallus,
    They found her vagina,
    in North Carolina,
    and the rest of poor alice in Dallas.


    There was an old man from Belgrave,
    Who found a dead whore in a cave
    He said, "that's disgusting,
    but it only needs dusting,
    and think of the money I'll save"!

    There was a young man from Bombay,
    who modelled a c*** out of clay,
    The heat from his prick,
    Turned the clay into brick,
    And it rubbed all his foreskin away!


    While once with the Duchess at tea,
    she asked, "do you burp when you pee"?
    I replied with some wit,
    "Do you fart when you shit"?
    And felt it was one up to me.
  • There was a young man from Kent
    Whose tool was exceptionally bent
    To save himself trouble
    He put it in double
    And instead of coming, he went
  • There was a young man of Tralee
    Who was stung on the leg by a wasp
    When asked if it hurt,
    He replied 'not at all',
    'It can do it again if it likes'
  • there was an old lady from pod
    who wanted a baby from god
    it wasn't almighty that lifted her nightie
    it was the vicar the dirty old sod
  • A hairy young chap from Pratt's Bottom
    Took his balls out -on Mondays- to wash them.
    His wife said "Pratt -
    If you you don't put them back ..
    I'll put them in mangle
    And Squashem.
  • There was a young man from Devises,
    who had balls of different sizes.
    One ball was small,
    almost no size at all,
    and the other won various prizes!
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  • Maybe we should stick to ones about SE London.

    There was a young man from New Cross
    Who didn't give much of a toss
    Got sick of his job
    So opened his gob
    And said 'you're a knob' to his boss
  • edited December 2019
    There was a young girl from Blackheath
    Who fell for a guy known as Keith
    When snogging his face off
    He said 'take your brace off'
    So she bit off his tongue with her teeth
  • There was a young lady from Kamchatka
    Who worked for Sir Max til he sacked her
    But the smell of her perfume
    It still filled every room
    So Sir Max got her back and Max Factor
  • The sheik from the UAE,
    said he'd buy CAFC.
    Could be a cash flow
    and maybe a no go,
    so once again fucked, 
    tied up and plucked.
    With a gun and a rope,
    off to Belgium I slope
    We just hope, hope, hope!
  • There there was an old man from looe who found he had nothing to do 
    so he sat on the stairs and counted his hairs 
    and found he had 72 
  • There was a young girl from Devises,
    Who had tits that we’re different sizes,
    The left one was small,
    It was no use at all,
    Whilst the right one was huge and won prizes. 
  • There was a young man from Gwent
    Whose tool was exceedingly bent
    To save himself trouble he folded it double
    And instead of coming he went

  • There lived a poor man in Kent
    Was camping in a tent
    He'd rather a house but had a big grouse
    He couldn't afford the rent
  • A yellow-toothed moronic Walloon
    Couldn't sell Charlton FC too soon
    We want him to go
    But the process is slow
    Do you think he'll be gone by June?
  • Mowgli, a wild-haired nerd
    Had a list of players, preferred
    He said "I have a dream...
    ...to select all the team"
    We said, "Fuck of you weird techie turd"
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Roland Out!