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1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live'
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.">

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."


  • Classic stuff DJDD!

    Who was it that whilst commentating on a race said- "( name of runner) opens his legs and show's his class"?
  • Coleman himself - about Cuban 400m runner Alberto Juantorena (
    1980 or 84 Olympics)
  • Thanks Orps!

    Any others out there!

    That 8 inches one was hysterical
  • [quote][cite]Posted By: stanmoreaddick[/cite]Classic stuff DJDD!

    Who was it that whilst commentating on a race said- "( name of runner) opens his legs and show's his class"?[/quote]

    Another was "He's reached inside himself and pulled out the big one just when he needed it"
  • "I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones"
    Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LCQF, 1992

    "Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don't pay a million for a guy to hang around in defence."
    NY Cosmos executive, on Beckenbauer's positioning

    "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
    George Best.

    "If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
    Bryan Robson, Man U, 1990.

    "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
    John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.

    "Fulham Football Club seeks a Manager / Genius."
    Newspaper ad, 1991.

    "Ardiles strokes the ball like it was part of his anatomy."
    Jimmy Magee, RTE WC commentator.

    "We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought."
    Bobby Robson after England nearly lost to Cameroon, WC 1990.

    "We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival."
    Niall O'Mahoney, Cork City manager before UEFA Cup game v Bayern Munich.

    "It's hard to be passionate twice a week."
    George Graham on Arsenal's punishing schedule, 1991.

    "The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day."
    CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard

    "What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?"
    STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live

    "Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."
    RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1

    "I've got a gut feeling in my stomach..."
    ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1

    "I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
    RON AKTINSON in a TV interview

    "Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke..."
    Carling FA Premiership WWW Page

    "An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal."
    DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports

    "Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals."
    PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live

    "You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals."
    ALAN GREEN, speaking on Radio 5 Live

    "What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...."
    SIMON FANSHAWE, speaking on Talk Radio

    "And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards..."
    PETER REID, Tyne Tees Sport Special

    "I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..."
    ANDY GRAY, Sky Sports

    "The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes."
    STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live

    "They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them."

    "If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
    TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold

    "The lads really ran their socks into the ground."

    "He (Brian Laudrup) wasn't just facing one defender -- he was facing one at the front and one at the back as well."

    "It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
    Radio 5 Live

    "...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals."
    TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day

    " excellent player, but he (Ian Wright) does have a black side."

    "We say 'educated left foot'... of course, there are many players with educated right foots."
    RON JONES, Radio 5 Live

    "That's twice now he (Terry Phelan) has got between himself and the goal."
    BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live

    "Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..."

    "Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."

    Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
    KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live

    "We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."

    "And I suppose they (Spurs) are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway."

    "... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied
    to his foot with a ball of string..."
    IAN DARKE, Radio 5

    "I never make predictions and I never will."

  • "And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold."

    "....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up."

    "If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again."

    "I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it."

    "The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee."

    "I think that was a moment of cool panic there."

    "Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs."

    "Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve."

    "I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were great years."

    "Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet."

    "They have missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in shame."

    "It's headed away by John Clark, using his head."

    "Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side."

    "He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him."

    "The shot from Laws was precise but wide."

    "The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour."

    "Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."

    "Many clubs have a question mark in the shape of an axe-head hanging over them."

    "Tottenham have impressed me. They haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun."

    You have got to miss them to score sometimes."

    "Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead."

    "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."

    "And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley......unless somebody knocks us out."

    "It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road."

    "And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds."

    "Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on."

    "What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal."

    "Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along the road, their ship went off the rails."

    "That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice."

    "...and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record."

    "In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale."

    "In comparison, there's no comparison."

    "I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was."

    "Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put together."

    "Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."

    "Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the switch and change from quick to slow."

    "Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me."

    "I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."

    "And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0."

    "They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that way they will go places."

    "Being naturally right-footed he doesn't often chance his arm with his left foot."

    "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."

    "What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio"
    Gerry Francis

    "If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistant"
    Bryan Robson (1990)

    "John Harkes going to Sheffield, Wednesday."
    New York Post (1993)

    "If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers."
    Mick Lyons

    "He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head"
    Derek Johnstone - BBC TV Scotland (1994)

    "The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did"
    Barry Davies (1975)

    "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
    Stuart Pearce (1992)

    "They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"
    Kevin Keegan

    "Glen Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson"
    Ron Greenwood

    "There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's another Ryan Giggs"
    Denis Law

    "The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same for the same club..and were discovered by the same man"
    Norman Whiteside

    "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat"
    Ron Atkinson (1979)

    "For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"
    John Motson - BBC TV

    "I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona"
    Kevin Keegan

    Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"
    Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty - fifty"

    "And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so possibly not the old shoulder injury"
    Ray French - Sky TV Rugby

    "Ah! isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew"

    "What a man, what a lift, what a jerk"
    Jimmy McGee on weight lifting in olympics (jerk being a movement in
    weight lifting)

    "Watch her spread her legs and show her class"
    Jimmy McGee on the last 300 metres of a long distance final

    "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother"
    Ted Walsh (Horse Racing Commentator
  • And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" (David Coleman)

    "Once Tony Daley opens his legs you've got a problem" (Howard Wilkinson)

    Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" (David Coleman)

    "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" (Murray Walker)

    "After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought" (Bobby Robson)

    "And with an alphabetical irony, Nigeria follows New Zealand" (David Coleman)

    On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country" (Ian Rush)

    "Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker, now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand." (Ted Lowe)

    "Ah! Isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew" (Harry Carpenter)

    Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through? Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."

    "Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play" (Peter Lorenzo)

    "We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised" (Ian McNail)

    "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" (Ron Atkinson)

    "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost" (Frank Bruno)

    "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." (David Coleman)

    "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people" (David Coleman)

    "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical" (Murray Walker)

    "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" (Stuart Pearce)

    "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman)

    "We can't tell you the result, but the winning goal from Niall Quinn was his 14th of the season." (Jim Rosenthal)

    "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter)

    "Watch the time - it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" (Ron Pickering)

    "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" (Murray Walker)

    "Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" (Ron Greenwood)

    "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" (Jo Sheldon)

    The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" (Ron Pickering)

    That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" (Ted Lowe)

    "Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" (Stuart Pearson)

    "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" (Marlon Starling)

    "I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge" (John Snagge - Boat Race)
  • "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." (Tony Cozier)

    Her time about 4.13, which she's capable of. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    He is even smaller in real life than he is on the track. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    ...a very powerful set of lungs, very much hidden by that chest of his. [ALAN PASCOE]

    Virren, the champion, came in fifth place and ran a champions race. [ANON]

    This boy swims like a greyhound... [ANTHONY STILL]

    ...he just can't believe what's not happening to him. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    Tahamata went through the air like a torpedo. [PETER JONES]

    Both these players seem to anticipate the play of the other almost before it's happened. [TONY GUBBA]

    Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists. [DAVID VINE]

    Harvey Glance, the black American sprinter with the white top and the black bottom... [RON PICKERING]

    There is only one winner in this race. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    ...and the winner is the winner. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    Bradford, who had gone up from 200 metres to 400, found it hard going and for the last 100 was always going backwards. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    Henry Runo... the man with those tremedous asbestos lungs. [RON PICKERING]


    And the crowd go wild as they see the shaven head of Hagler enter the auditorium. And there he is, hooded... [REG GUTTERIDGE]

    ...and Magri has to do well against this unknown Mexican who comes from a famous family of five boxing brothers. [HARRY CARPENTER]

    Heis had 24 fights, lost one, so he is undefeated... [ALAN MINTER]

    Minter, the undisputed world champion, leaves the ring not a champion. [HARRY CARPENTER]

    Well, I'm hoping we can fight again, or at least have a re-match. [JOHN CONTEH]

    To be honest, it was a very physical fight... [JIM WATT]

    This ring really does look small although it's standard size. Mind you, we're watching the fight in a huge stadium so Einstein's theory of relativity must be working here. [REG GUTTERIDGE]


    It's his second finger - technically his third. [CHRISTOPHER MARTIN-JENKINS]

    ...this series has been swings and pendulums all the way through. [TREVOR BAILEY]

    It's a unique occasion, really - a repeat of Melbourne 1977. [JIM LAKER]

    It's especially tense for parker who's literally fighting for a place on an overcrowded plane to India. [TREVOR BAILEY]

    Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers. [DON MOSEY]

    Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator... [JOHN ARLOTT]

    The Test Match begins in ten minutes - that's our time, of course... [DAVID COLEMAN]

    Lilee bowled seven overs, no maidens, no wickets for 35, and I think that's a true reflection of his figures too. [ALAN McGILVAN]

    ...and England win by a solitary nine runs... [FRANK BOUGH]

    After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out. [FRANK BOUGH]

    The hallmark of a great captain is his ability to win the toss at the right time. [RICHIE BENAUD]


    Within a couple of minutes he had scored two goals in a two-minute period. [ALAN PARRY]

    For a player to ask for a transfer has opened everybody's eyebrows. [BOBBY ROBSON]

    The score is Middlesborough 1, Middlesborough 0 - and Middlesborough have now gone eleven matches without a win. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    John Bond's smile is always very, very good radio... [MIKE INGHAM]

    After a goalless first half, the score at half-time is 0-0. [BRIAN MOORE]

    And Keegan was there like a surgeon's knife - bang! [BRYAN BUTLER]

    Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hooped shirts... they look like a team of zebras. [PETER JONES]

    So far Villa have only troubled Bradshaw twice with shots that did not trouble him. [LARRY CANNING]

    Without picking out individuals, I thought Gary Stanley did very well indeed. [ANON]

    Even when you're dead you shouldn't lie down and let yourself be buried. [GORDON LEE]

    Gary Bailey had to choose tonight to miss out on saving that. [DAVID COLEMAN]

    I promise results, not promises. [JOHN BOND]

    I wouldn't mind being a fly on Larry Lloyd's shorts. [MARTIN JOHNSON]

    ...and their manager, terry Neil, isn't here today, which suggests he is somewhere else. [BRIAN MOORE]

    Most of the things I've done are my own fault, so I can't feel guilty about them. [GEORGE BEST]

    I have other irons in the fire, but I'm keeping them close to my chest. [JOHN BOND]

    I don't think they're as good as they are. [KEVIN KEEGAN]

    History, as John Bond would agree, is all about todays and not about yesterdays. [BRIAN MOORE]

    The advantage of being at home is very much with the home side. [DENIS LAW]

    Some of the players never dreamed they'd be playing in a Cup Final at Wembley - but here they are today, fulfilling those dreams. [LAWRIE McMENEMY]
  • Is that enough Stanmore !
  • Some from Murray Walker....

    "He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it"

    "With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"

    "Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"

    "Anything happens in Grand Prix racing and it usually does"

    "Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place"

    "As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is 5th"

    "I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem"

    "He is shedding buckets of adrenaline in that car"

    "It's raining and the track is wet"

    "And there’s just a few more corners for Nigel Mansell to go to win the Canadian Grand Prix...and...he's going rather slow....HE'S STOPPING HE'S STOPPING!"

    "and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"

    "they say clothes maketh the man... the clothes are Niki Laudas, but the contents are me..." as Murray prepares to take a drive in a F1 car." [He gets a total distance of... oh, 1 foot before he stalls it.]

    [During a F1 race, describing how the leader can see the driver following him] "... Mansell can see him in his earphone..."

    "So Bernie [Ecclestone], in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable ?"
    Bernie Answers, "Well I don't remember buying McLaren." [Bernie Ecclestone used to own the Brabham team].

    Murray: "What's that? There's a BODY on the track!!!"
    James: "Um, I think that that is a piece of BODY-WORK, from someone's car."

    Murray: There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari
    James: No Murray, that's his rear safety light

    As an introductory piece for a rallysprint race, Murray was put in the Navigator's seat alongside Tony Pond in a Chevette HSR (270 BHP, rwd, and TWITCHY), added an in-car camera, and wired Murray for sound. The result can be deduced by extrapolating his usual excitement and enthusiasm, and adding a large pinch of raw terror! "And there's a 600 foot drop on my left .AND we're doing 120 mph... AND we're approaching a hairpin...OH MY GOD we're going to die..."

    [after a post race interview where Mansell won the French(?) GP]
    Murray : "How did you get that nasty bump on your head Nigel?" [Nigel leans forward to show the camera as Murray pokes it with his finger !]
    Nigel: "OWCH!!"

    "...Cruel luck for Alesi, second on the grid. That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year..."

    James: "And now what's wrong with Prost's car?"
    Murray: "It's not Prost's car it's that joker in the striped shirt!"

    "Ah! Now here's Senna in the pits (for the black flag). No point in saying I wish I could lip read: I can't even see his lips! There's Ron Dennis bending over at the right. This is A-! Out gets Senna! For whatever reason and I just hope we can get a message about this. I hope we can get a message. Ayrton Senna with, with rage and impotent fury etched in every line of his body, reluctantly drags himself out of the McLaren." (In reality Senna calmly stepped out of the car and walked away.)

    "Well let's, uh, lugsh, luxurrriate in a little hypothesis and try to work out what, if anything, is wrong with Alain Prost." (Prost was being caught by Berger late in the race.) "Has he got tire problems? Very unlikely. Is Prost having fuel trouble? Well, who knows? I think it's a bit unlikely. Is Prost having gearbox trouble? I can't tell you. And since P, uh, Prost is unlikely to come on the radio and let me know you'll have to guess along with me."

    "ANNDD! We have a, uh, I - (laughing) - I, uh, I'm S- (still laughing). I have to eat humble pie again, for all the people out there. Uh, we have a lap scoring problem and, uh, I have to rather lamely tell you that, uh, it's still Gerhard Berger in 2nd place. It's Berger in 3rd position. In four- in- in-. Um, Boutsen in 3rd position..."

    "That's 55 laps completed by both Prost and Berger and and and and and the expeeerrrienced Alain Prost is really responding."

    Sylvan Smyth again: I only replayed my Brazilian GP tape because I vaguely remembered Murray saying "and" five or six times in a row several years ago. I had forgotten what a Murrayism gold mine that race was. Some people don't like Murray. I think some people should switch to decaf...

    "And there's the man in the green flag!"

    "The Jordan factory is at the factory gates"

    Murray, commentating on rallycross from Lydden, describes how a BMW driver has cut holes in his windscreen so that his visibility is improved in all the muck... as he is doing so, the car crashes heavily into an earth bank...

    "...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."

    "The beak of Ayrton Senna's chicken is pulling ahead"

    'and I interrupt myself to bring you this....'

    and the catchphrase 'Unless I'm very much mistaken....I AM very much mistaken!'

    "This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well."
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  • "Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is."

    "This has been a great season for Nelson Piquet, as he is now known, and always has been"

    "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

    Kevin Lee's observations:

    "...the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds"

    "Tambay's hopes , which were nil before, are absolutely zero now."

    "You can't see a digital clock because there isn't one."

    "...and Blundell is doing very well in sixth fact he's lapping 2.5 seconds faster than Blundell who is in fifth position"

    "The Italian GP at Monaco..."

    "I'm applying intelligence and observation to the situation..."

    "Schumacher's appeal for ignoring the chequered flag is next Tuesday."

    ...the enthusiastic enthusiasts... (Italy 1994)

    "Martin's got a bald spot - he won't be pleased..." (Germany, 1994, as Brundle retires, and climbs out of the car. Murray stops talking about the broken McLaren as soon as he sees Martin's head)

    "...and Andretti is going very slowly - he must have an electrical problem of some sort... "(Andretti is touring on three wheels, having hit something solid) [PF: this reminds me of several Ferrari retirements which were described as "electrical problems". Mechanics would give the lie to this saying things like "yes, it was an electrical problem. A conrod went through the block and knocked the distributor off!"]

    ...but Here is Now and There is Damon Hill (PF adds: nice bit of Iambic Pentameter there)

    "So now you're looking at the battle between Frentzen and Herbert for 7th place. Heinz Harald Frentzen in the Sauber Mercedes behind Johnny Herbert, behind him Johnny Herbert in his first race in the Ligier Renault..."

    `Ukyo Katayama is undoubtedly the best formula 1 driver that grand prix racing has ever produced'

    ...and the Peugeot cup of misery is filled past overflowing...

    "We're watching the Finnish Driver [/] who is third, but he won't for very much llllong...oh yeah, he might be actually"

    "And an enormous gap building before Mika Hakkinen goes through in third position...when I say enormous it's 1.5 seconds"

    "Schumacher is still the fastest man on the track, not only by virtue of the fact that he leads the Australian Grand Prix, but he also holds the fastest lap"

    "Eddie Irvine with smoke pouring up from the eng...I suspect something's locked up and he's out of the race"

    JP: "And Alesi spins there...spins out of the race, surely... "Yes!...NO! Alesi manages to keep the engine, does not stall, but of course he will have lost the place I think. No! he's kept the place"

    "Yes, the beauty of this race is that it is totally unpredictable"

    "Michael Schumacher leading Damon Hill by four tenths of a second or so, because it's moving...[cut to Hill under Schu's rear wing] AND THAT'S NOT FOUR TENTHS OF A SECOND! That's Michael Schumacher!"

    Murray: "And there are flames coming from the back of Prost's car as he enters the swimming pool."
    James: "Well, that should put them out then."

    Rallycross at Lydden Hill. "And Keith Ripp comes round Chesson's Drift, avoids the Hatter's bank..." "... BUT HE DOES NOT!!!!!"

    "...and BANG, BANG, OVER, OVER goes the Mini..." A quality moment.
    From the Spanish GP 1995: "and Eddie Jordan is in fifth place"... (actually Eddie Irvine in one of his compatriot Eddie Jordan's cars).

    "...and he's lost both right front tyres" (which may have been accurate back in the days of the Tyrrell P34, but it was from 1995!)

    "Alesi is in second place and Hill is in second place..."

    "As you can see, visually, with your eyes..."

    "Andrea de Cesaris...the man who has won more Grand Prix than anyone else without actually winning one of them."

    "And here comes Berger, out of Tabac and into the swimming pool." -- Gerhard wasn't emulating Alberto Ascari, however, and carried on past the swimming pool!

    'Oh that's the Forti, and, it looks like, err, its Roberto Moreno's car , the err Brazilian .. I was going to say the elderly Brazilian , he's only 36 but he's actually the oldest driver in the race at the present moment, though he's just retired from it!'

    'Hill, Hill ... Hill is in, he's beneath me now.. .and he's got slicks! its slicks! he got a new set of slicks! this is strange' (as it was raining!)

    "....Schumacher crosses the line to start another lap, and there's nothing there!"

    'Right underneath me, Michael Schumacher!'

    'Jonathan, you're the ace forecaster...' (really?)

    'I hate to be a Jeremiah, but I have to tell you that the clouds are lowering...'

    'The plot thickens, because the Williams team are out now.'

    'The Benetton man doesn't know what day it is!'

    (as the coverage flips back and forth, missing the interesting bits) 'It's not my job to produce the programme, so I'll say nothing!' (Good point, Murray, definite 'could do better' for the French producer)

    and (during one of the practice sessions) "... this is the part of the circuit where the Williams tends to be, not tends to be *is* slower than the Benetton historically, today."

    "The Benetton handling superbly as ever. Williams have worked very very hard on this car at the beginning of the season."

    (talking about bumps and puddles in the circuit, which Jonathan Palmer used to test on when McLaren had Honda engines.....) ".....and there's few [drivers] that know them more and even less better than you Jonathan....."

    And we have had 5 races so far this year, Brazil, Argentina, Imola, Schumacher and Monaco!

    And Damon Hill is coming into the pit lane, yes it's Damon Hill coming into the Williams pit, and Damon Hill in the pit, no it's Michael Schumacher!
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Roland Out Forever!