You win the £88 million jackpot...

I’d buy all the properties around RD’s so he was surrounded and rent them all to @Greenie with a monthly allowance for his coke and tarts.

Well, I’d just be happy to win enough for a downpayment on a mortgage (#millennial)

But yeah, top quality care for nan, house for Mum, houses for both my sisters, house for my brother (but in my nephew’s name so my brother doesn’t fuck that up!). Money in a trust fund for said nephew. House in Spain, house in Italy and one in Scandinavia somewhere (Christmas card shit).

Then I’d go back to uni and do degrees in computer engineering and history.

Oh, and a mountain of drugs, pay for my best mate to have his dream wedding to his missus and then take all my mates on one hell of a stag for him.

How much does your lovely government take of £88M?

I’d blow the vast majority of it on animals. I don’t mean I’d spend it on buying a camel or a hippo or anything but on setting up an animal sanctuary and education centre in the UK, lots of land for rescued factory farm animals etc plus I’d like to start a charity that helps to support the strays on the Greek islands. A big donation would go to Animal Aid Unlimited, a charity in India that does the most incredible work.

I’d also like to start a chain of vegan fast food restaurants to cater for our growing numbers.

And a kayak. Definitely a kayak.

I've always wanted to buy a dog, preferably one of those German shepherd ones.

NapaAddick said:

i_b_b_o_r_g said:

NapaAddick said:

How much does your lovely government take of £88M?

None as far as I know,

Damn! Here you pay Federal Taxes. Say bye bye to 35% of it.

Stupid rule. I'm sure that, is the competition is open to anyone and everyone, no tax is paid on the winnings, but nor doubt someone will be along shortly to put me right......

Dazzler21 said:

PaddyP17 said:

I have a big plan in place. It's boring, but oh well. Given lottery winners are tens or hundreds of times more likely to be murder victims; robbed; die of a drug overdose; be kidnapped; bankrupted; and so on - I've needed a cast-iron plan.

These numbers, of course, aren't exact.

1a. TELL NO-ONE. (At least, not immediately, despite the likely urge.)

1b. Get on to Camelot. They know what to do. Insist on anonymity when they come round, and all that.

1c. Hire a lawyer. Ideally a proper big nob lawyer, partner at a firm, that sort of thing.

2. Still TELL NO-ONE. I'm not going public. I'm probably not telling family or friends yet, as much as is possible. I will "fall ill", or something.

3a. Tell my lawyer I intend to give £15m of this jackpot to family and friends. This will NOT be in the form of a lump sum. I may, however, clear a few debts (student loans, mortgages, what have you).

Trust funds going through stock indices and what have you shall be set up for my cousins; money shall go toward an annuity from which my brother can pull money out of/house deposit/that sort of thing, if he so wants; and for my parents and other relatives etc etc.

Get lawyer/accountant to sort all that out. This leaves £73m.

3b. I'll take £3m to myself "for the time being" (immediate expenses e.g. my lawyer, maybe an accountant, buying a property quickly so I can do all this in private). This leaves £70m.

(Might have to do 3b immediately post-Camelot as part of step 1, but who knows)

4. If possible, dump £15m in UK government bonds that should be paying at around 2-3% (or another govt, if possible). That should be a bona fide income of, hopefully, £300k-450k a year. That is rock solid money. If the UK stops paying on their government debt, then money is nowhere near our biggest worry. This leaves £55m.

5. Be boring again and dump £30m into an index fund, with low fees. Hopefully said fund will pay out at around 4%. In 20 years, that £30m becomes £65m. Tidy. This leaves £25m.

------------

So - I have now, hopefully, guaranteed myself an income of at least £300k a year unless the Bank of England is burning; provided for family and friends in a way they would never have imagined; and I have a huge pot in the form of an index fund that will keep growing at market rates.

Life is good, so step 6:

------------

6a. Donate perhaps £10m, if that, to charity. Likely contenders are Anthony Nolan, Alzheimers Research, and NSPCC.

6b. Tell everyone I've won £8m* on the lottery, and do what I want! Buy a couple of houses here and abroad, go on holidays to wherever, party with mates, maybe invest in a couple of fun-looking startups, maybe even go back to university.

(*£8m being roughly the sort of amount I reckon would set oneself up for life - I'd still have £7m left.)

Sorted.

No coke and whores?

Youngsters today eh Daz!
No point in winning if you're not gonna snort n shag!
Shocking !

NapaAddick said:

How much does your lovely government take of £88M?

You won’t pay tax on the winnings but I guarantee you pay heaps of tax on virtually everything you buy with the exception of baked beans and salad.
On the plus side you’ll have enough money and it won’t be a problem.

And then buy a newsagents in Grove Park.

PaddyP17 said:

I have a big plan in place. It's boring, but oh well. Given lottery winners are tens or hundreds of times more likely to be murder victims; robbed; die of a drug overdose; be kidnapped; bankrupted; and so on - I've needed a cast-iron plan.

These numbers, of course, aren't exact.

1a. TELL NO-ONE. (At least, not immediately, despite the likely urge.)

1b. Get on to Camelot. They know what to do. Insist on anonymity when they come round, and all that.

1c. Hire a lawyer. Ideally a proper big nob lawyer, partner at a firm, that sort of thing.

2. Still TELL NO-ONE. I'm not going public. I'm probably not telling family or friends yet, as much as is possible. I will "fall ill", or something.

3a. Tell my lawyer I intend to give £15m of this jackpot to family and friends. This will NOT be in the form of a lump sum. I may, however, clear a few debts (student loans, mortgages, what have you).

Trust funds going through stock indices and what have you shall be set up for my cousins; money shall go toward an annuity from which my brother can pull money out of/house deposit/that sort of thing, if he so wants; and for my parents and other relatives etc etc.

Get lawyer/accountant to sort all that out. This leaves £73m.

3b. I'll take £3m to myself "for the time being" (immediate expenses e.g. my lawyer, maybe an accountant, buying a property quickly so I can do all this in private). This leaves £70m.

(Might have to do 3b immediately post-Camelot as part of step 1, but who knows)

4. If possible, dump £15m in UK government bonds that should be paying at around 2-3% (or another govt, if possible). That should be a bona fide income of, hopefully, £300k-450k a year. That is rock solid money. If the UK stops paying on their government debt, then money is nowhere near our biggest worry. This leaves £55m.

5. Be boring again and dump £30m into an index fund, with low fees. Hopefully said fund will pay out at around 4%. In 20 years, that £30m becomes £65m. Tidy. This leaves £25m.

------------

So - I have now, hopefully, guaranteed myself an income of at least £300k a year unless the Bank of England is burning; provided for family and friends in a way they would never have imagined; and I have a huge pot in the form of an index fund that will keep growing at market rates.

Life is good, so step 6:

------------

6a. Donate perhaps £10m, if that, to charity. Likely contenders are Anthony Nolan, Alzheimers Research, and NSPCC.

6b. Tell everyone I've won £8m* on the lottery, and do what I want! Buy a couple of houses here and abroad, go on holidays to wherever, party with mates, maybe invest in a couple of fun-looking startups, maybe even go back to university.

(*£8m being roughly the sort of amount I reckon would set oneself up for life - I'd still have £7m left.)

Sorted.

At 3a, one of your cousins sells your story to The Scum for £3k (you know which one it would be), you’re kidnapped, taken to a favela in Abbey Wood, stripped and force fed pot noodle until you cough up the key to your safety deposit box, all because you didn’t force your family into signing NDA’s and behaviour agreements......

bobmunro said:

I would just buy a new set of golf clubs - I'm easily pleased.

Maybe Carnoustie, Royal Lytham & St Annes, Turnberry, Wentworth and Pebble Beach.

Surely first port of call should be forking out to get proper broadband installed at your place? Admittedly that'd probably cost you as much as buying a golf club, particularly if BT are involved.

Fumbluff said:

PaddyP17 said:

I have a big plan in place. It's boring, but oh well. Given lottery winners are tens or hundreds of times more likely to be murder victims; robbed; die of a drug overdose; be kidnapped; bankrupted; and so on - I've needed a cast-iron plan.

These numbers, of course, aren't exact.

1a. TELL NO-ONE. (At least, not immediately, despite the likely urge.)

1b. Get on to Camelot. They know what to do. Insist on anonymity when they come round, and all that.

1c. Hire a lawyer. Ideally a proper big nob lawyer, partner at a firm, that sort of thing.

2. Still TELL NO-ONE. I'm not going public. I'm probably not telling family or friends yet, as much as is possible. I will "fall ill", or something.

3a. Tell my lawyer I intend to give £15m of this jackpot to family and friends. This will NOT be in the form of a lump sum. I may, however, clear a few debts (student loans, mortgages, what have you).

Trust funds going through stock indices and what have you shall be set up for my cousins; money shall go toward an annuity from which my brother can pull money out of/house deposit/that sort of thing, if he so wants; and for my parents and other relatives etc etc.

Get lawyer/accountant to sort all that out. This leaves £73m.

3b. I'll take £3m to myself "for the time being" (immediate expenses e.g. my lawyer, maybe an accountant, buying a property quickly so I can do all this in private). This leaves £70m.

(Might have to do 3b immediately post-Camelot as part of step 1, but who knows)

4. If possible, dump £15m in UK government bonds that should be paying at around 2-3% (or another govt, if possible). That should be a bona fide income of, hopefully, £300k-450k a year. That is rock solid money. If the UK stops paying on their government debt, then money is nowhere near our biggest worry. This leaves £55m.

5. Be boring again and dump £30m into an index fund, with low fees. Hopefully said fund will pay out at around 4%. In 20 years, that £30m becomes £65m. Tidy. This leaves £25m.

------------

So - I have now, hopefully, guaranteed myself an income of at least £300k a year unless the Bank of England is burning; provided for family and friends in a way they would never have imagined; and I have a huge pot in the form of an index fund that will keep growing at market rates.

Life is good, so step 6:

------------

6a. Donate perhaps £10m, if that, to charity. Likely contenders are Anthony Nolan, Alzheimers Research, and NSPCC.

6b. Tell everyone I've won £8m* on the lottery, and do what I want! Buy a couple of houses here and abroad, go on holidays to wherever, party with mates, maybe invest in a couple of fun-looking startups, maybe even go back to university.

(*£8m being roughly the sort of amount I reckon would set oneself up for life - I'd still have £7m left.)

Sorted.

At 3a, one of your cousins sells your story to The Scum for £3k (you know which one it would be), you’re kidnapped, taken to a favela in Abbey Wood, stripped and force fed pot noodle until you cough up the key to your safety deposit box, all because you didn’t force your family into signing NDA’s and behaviour agreements......

Little do they know...

AddickUpNorth said:

I’d blow the vast majority of it on animals.

That is a very disrespectful way to talk about whores.

hoof_it_up_to_benty said:

Pay off my debts, buy a new car and have a few good holidays.

And then what would you do with the remaining £87,850,000?