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If I were King or Queen.

2

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  • I think the first King in this thread reads the Sun.

  • 1. Legalise everything, literally nothing is illegal.

    2. Sit back and watch as the country tears itself apart and a new 'harsher' king has to bring back order and I look like the good guy... If i'm still alive...

  • I would ban anyone called Leuth from being King.
  • colthe3rd said:

    I think the first King in this thread reads the Sun.

    I'm a former print trade union member, what do you think now?

    Anyway you cant criticise me, I'm the bloody king, to the tower with you Colt he 3rd
  • Blow job from Gemma Arterton every first Tuesday of the month.
  • Blow job from Gemma Arterton every first Tuesday of the month.

    Once a month? You know how to live
  • edited September 2016

    Blow job from Gemma Arterton every first Tuesday of the month.

    And for the rest of the month you'll be able to knock one out on the strength of it.
  • edited September 2016
    1. Abolish compensation for things that are your own fault OR are minor and you should just get over. If you trip up on a curb, slip over at work, fall down something, or even if your neck 'hurts a bit' after a crash, bad luck, look where you're going next time (for the first few) and move on. No one owes you anything.

    2. Probably unpopular... but I would honestly salary cap football, make that all sports, and as it's hypothetical - enter a trade agreement with the Spanish, German, Italian, Chinese etc. kings to do the same.

    This isn't the widely Facebook-shared argument that I hate, the "Rooney earns £250k a week and nurses get 14p... it's a disgrace!!" school of thought. But I like the idea of clubs being about the club, and not about the wealth of the owner and the losses that they can take.

    3. Wednesdays off of work and split the additional 7.5 contractual hours into a longer Monday, Tues, Thurs, Fri. If you're caught working on a rest day, your work has to pay a financial penalty - half to you, half to the gov.

    4. I would increase inheritance tax, like whack it a whole load up. I'm not even an official member of the Charlton Life Liberal Lefty Brigade (CLLLB) but I'd do this. "But rich people will leave!"... alright then.

    5. Aaand string up Uncle Roly, by his goolies. At very least he'd be in the stocks outside The Valley on matchdays, every week for as many weeks as he's owned us.
  • Greenie said:

    colthe3rd said:

    I think the first King in this thread reads the Sun.

    I'm a former print trade union member, what do you think now?

    Anyway you cant criticise me, I'm the bloody king, to the tower with you Colt he 3rd
    image
  • IF I were Queen, I would immediately declare war on Belgium and give them a fucking good kicking...
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  • Addicted said:

    Blow job from Gemma Arterton every first Tuesday of the month.

    Once a month? You know how to live
    I'm a humble king, I don't ask for much from my subjects but obedience and a monthly blowie from Gemma Arterton.

    @DaveMehmet gets it.
  • Addicted said:

    If you're caught letting your dog shit in a public place then you are forced to eat it

    Or drink it depending on the consistency.
  • Addicted said:

    Blow job from Gemma Arterton every first Tuesday of the month.

    Once a month? You know how to live
    I'm a humble king, I don't ask for much from my subjects but obedience and a monthly blowie from Gemma Arterton.

    DaveMehmet gets it.
    On which day?

    First Wednesday of the month. Kings don't do sloppy seconds.
  • edited September 2016
    -Return of terracing.
    -Only pay for trains that are on time/run.
    -Significant expenditure to find a cure for going thin/bald on top.
    -Free toilets in train stations
    -Testing on the worst kind of criminals rather than animals
    -Social workers pay adjusted upwards to reflect the sheer volume of work, stress and abuse they have to manage.
  • -Return of terracing.
    -Only pay for trains that are on time/run.
    -Significant expenditure to find a cure for going thin/bald on top.
    -Free toilets in train stations
    -Testing on the worst kind of criminals rather than animals
    -Social workers pay adjusted upwards to reflect the sheer volume of work, stress and abuse they have to manage.

    Compulsory teaching of how to count to 5? :wink:

    (I know I cheated by incorporating two in one line...) :smiley:
  • -Return of terracing.
    -Only pay for trains that are on time/run.
    -Significant expenditure to find a cure for going thin/bald on top.
    -Free toilets in train stations
    -Testing on the worst kind of criminals rather than animals
    -Social workers pay adjusted upwards to reflect the sheer volume of work, stress and abuse they have to manage.

    Compulsory teaching of how to count to 5? :wink:

    (I know I cheated by incorporating two in one line...) :smiley:

    I've left work.... No calculator
  • - make DIY illegal. Especially on anything electrical or gas/plumbing related. There's a reason these people train for years, you tight shit bastards.

    - get rid of 3 week wonder courses to learn a trade. You can't learn what I did in 4 years, in 3 weeks. Be gone.

    - behead Corbyn and Sadiq for being Corbyn and Sadiq

    - death penalty for nonses and rapists

    - make every town/city have a number of half way houses for the homeless to get them on their feet.

    - army veterans get priority to pretty much everything.

    - free booze Friday's

    - seats on trains are priority to construction workers, elderly pregnant and the disabled. You office people sit on your arse all day, you can suffer half hour on your feet, lads.
  • Up the tax rate to 50% for earnings over £1m a year and abolish "non-dom" status .
    Re-nationalise the railways.
    Double the threshold of inheritance tax.
    Remove charitable status from private schools.
    Ban Simon Cowell.

    Private schools have charity status? Fuck that.

    Actually, ALL religious organizations have charity status here so...yeah.

    I like the country you and @Leuth would run.
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  • - seats on trains are priority to construction workers, elderly pregnant and the disabled. You office people sit on your arse all day, you can suffer half hour on your feet, lads.

    I'll give up my seat if you can afford a 1st class ticket, lad.
  • colthe3rd said:


    - seats on trains are priority to construction workers, elderly pregnant and the disabled. You office people sit on your arse all day, you can suffer half hour on your feet, lads.

    I'll give up my seat if you can afford a 1st class ticket, lad.
    You like causing trouble dont ya, and cant follow simple direction either, Jnr is heir to the throne, so back down the Tower with ya....some people just dont learn.
  • 1) Abolish all benefits. Everyone over the age of 18 resident in this country and having an NI Number to be entitled to £12,000 p.a. There will be no other direct government help. You want to earn more money, go out and earn it - no more having 5 kids and living on benefits. If you have a disability and need help, this will have to come from charity (which could receive funding from government - think of it as privatising the benefits system lol!) . You can choose whether or not to claim the £12,000, there is no means testing.

    2) Nationalise the railways. £16 to go from London to Ebbsfleet on the High-Speed ONE WAY, off peak is a fucking piss-take.

    3) Coffee shops to be heavily regulated - no more than one in any shopping centre. Excess coffee shops to be turned into bars serving real ale and putting on live music events.

    4) Remove the need for grammar schools (if there is one) by improving all secondary schools.

    5) Stop the privatisation of the NHS. Bring services back into the NHS - I cannot believe that my local Minor Injuries Unit has been sold off to Virgin.

    6) For green energy, utilise the miles and miles of motorway grass verges and central reservations - fill them with windmills and solar panels.
  • No standing on trains.

    Trains to have a set total fee for each journey.
    Fee is divided by how many people use that service.
  • Greenie said;

    "Introduce the 'Slap' law. If someone is being a complete prick or has ripped you off, then you get to choose whether they get fined or a bloody good slap."

    A bit watered down but I used to know a chap who run a fare sized company, (sort of king in his world), He would give his clients "Stupidity" fines when he thought they should know better and he also had a "Rudeness " fine, which cost double the Stupidity fine, each time a client upset or offended him or one of his employees.
    He used to ring me and tell me the price of the job has just gone up because of my managers attitude on a regular basis. 100 hours work would be upped to 110 in an instant, leaving me to make up excuses as to why.

    That guy was quality. I hope if I ever employ people that I'll take a similar attitude.

    It's something I'm hoping to do in 2017 and I'd genuinely love to be able to do that.
  • 3blokes said:

    Many years ago, we had this topic of conversation in an office where I worked, and this bloke suddenly chipped in completely earnestly that his first law would be that every man had to part their hair on the left hand side. And he absolutely meant it.
    I didn't really know what to do with that at the time, and 30 years later I still don't.
    But maybe he thought, one day, there will be the Internet and there will be a thread on a message board that will be perfect for my words of wisdom..
    He was probably a visionary. There's a lot of it about.

    And his name? Roland Duchatelet.
  • I had a client once in a big transaction where they made it clear that they would be asking for a 10% reduction in fees from all advisers in order to help pay for the deal closing party which was pretty fancy at Blenheim Palace.

    Had no issue with that because I'd seen it coming and increased their fees by 20% in advance.
  • Annoying phrases ("thats amazeballs" or "We're all on a journey in our lives") to be outlawed and if heard in public means the offending prick has to spend a week in the stocks... Same with anyone who suggests things like YOFO (?) to be added to the dictionary, the words are already in there, thats a fucking acronym, its not needed in there!!
  • Annoying phrases ("thats amazeballs" or "We're all on a journey in our lives") to be outlawed and if heard in public means the offending prick has to spend a week in the stocks... Same with anyone who suggests things like YOFO (?) to be added to the dictionary, the words are already in there, thats a fucking acronym, its not needed in there!!

    I like this.

    Can we extend to people who put things on Facebook that they 'went to the school of hard knocks' and studied at 'the university of life'

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Roland Out Forever!