Saying the wrong thing…

AFKABartram

So in light of Starmer’s hilarious cock up today demanding the return of the sausages, what similar mess ups do we have within our ranks?

In a demo in work where I’m standing up front talking my way through a PowerPoint pack , I went to say ‘there are certain elements’ but instead said ‘there are certain elephants’.

Realised straight away and tried to ignore it. Quickly moved on and talked through the rest of the slide, in the silence waiting for the next slide to come up, someone just cracked up laughing and shouted ‘HE SAID ELEPHANTS’. Cue everyone then creasing up laughing. 

I feel ya Kier, I’ve been there.

Any similar accounts?

SDAddick

Whatever I bet a ppt about Elephants would rock. I'd sit through it twice. 

ShootersHillGuru

Long time ago when we used high street banks and had cheque books I once wrote a cheque but failed to write what it was for on the stub. I was forced to queue up in the Bank as you used to in those days and was a bit embarrassed to ask the young attractive cashier if she could tell me what cheque number whatever was in favour of. I thought I’d be cool and humorous and say something like “I’m really sorry but I ve got myself into a bit of a mucking fuddle”. Got to the front and blurted out “I’m really sorry but I’ve got myself into a bit of a fucking muddle”. She was quite shocked by my outburst but not as much as I was. 

RodneyCharltonTrotta

Living orgasms instead of living organisms when I was in biology class at school.

Also used salacious instead of sensationalist in a work meeting. 

Stewart

Put my hand up in Maths class in year 8 and shouted out Dad instead of Sir. Was never able to live that down until I left after year 11.

Bloody Hurstmere. 

Blackheathen

Chris Hopkins was Minister of Health in NZ during the first covid lockdown and, trying to explain the restrictions, told media that people could get out from time to time to spread their legs.  His comment caused shock at first, then hilarity and was replayed many times.

Swisdom

Stewart said:

Put my hand up in Maths class in year 8 and shouted out Dad instead of Sir. Was never able to live that down until I left after year 11.

Bloody Hurstmere. 

I did the same in the changing room for a district match 🤣

a guy I used to work with was doing a talk on our new software, Oracle.  He came to s page about the Chart of Accounts” but made a boo-boo and put …

Chart of Acocucunts

Stig

At the Woolwich anti-Duchatelet meeting, I referred to Charlton as The Addicts. I've no idea why, it just slipped out. People just stared at me presumably thinking, who's this Johnny come Lately?

Kap10

Not verbal but written, two cases of brain confusion:-

1. For my English Lit O Level exam (the things before GCSE's) I wrote that Animal Farm was written by Orson Wells not George Orwell.
2. My first essay at college for economics I wrote about that famous  economist Milton Keynes as opposed to Milton Friedmen and John Maynard Keynes.

The first one as I left the exam hall .. like a thunderbolt it hit me what i had written, but there is no going back.  That said I passed my O Level and after three years at college qualified.

Leroy Ambrose

I have a horrible, horrible habit of mistyping Analyst as Analust.

This is extremely unfortunate, since I have a lot of people working for me with that job title... 

Chunes

One of my first-ever presentations was to a coffee client and I was extremely nervous. I was talking about our ideas for a campaign visual, and for some reason I forgot the word "poured", and said "porn." That didn't sound right as I was saying it, so I tried it again. "Porn? ... Porn ... Porrnn?" Must have said it 3-4 times in total before I gave up and moved on. 

aliwibble

RodneyCharltonTrotta said:

Living orgasms instead of living organisms when I was in biology class at school.

Also used salacious instead of sensationalist in a work meeting. 

On a similar note, while having dinner and discussing what my older sister had learned in first year (year 7 for the youngsters among you) science class that day "Mum, what's a little green orgasm?" Cue much choking on their food from everyone else.

These days my word selection fails tend to be annoying rather than funny ("you know, the room where you make the coffee...") but in my younger days my problem tended to be committing unintentional innuendo instead. The peak one was probably the time we were in the pub, and one of my friends returned to the table just in time to hear me say "... and they just whipped them out and started sword fighting with them in the middle of the pub!" 

The things in question were a couple of plastic lightsabers, which is sad, but not the public indecency that my friend was picturing at the time.

Funnily enough, I got sent a link to this Mumsnet thread this morning on a similar theme, and I've literally been crying with laughter at some of them: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/other_subjects/5172093-so-embarrassed-i-wanted-to-die

LoOkOuT

Leroy Ambrose said:

Analust.

Great band name.

SidewaysInOz

Not a speaking cock-up but I once signed off an email with 'Kind retards' instead of 'Kind regards'. I didn't proof read it before sending and then had some explaining to do. 

thai malaysia addick

I was demoing some software to audience of about 50. There’s a command in our software called COUNT. Unfortunately, I missed out the letter O. Realising my mistake, I rapidly backspaced and made the same mistake. The problem was the second time I didn’t realise my mistake. A Singaporean gentleman in the front row kindly pointed out that it should be COUNT not ****.

Raith_C_Chattonell

AFKABartram said:

So in light of Starmer’s hilarious cock up today demanding the return of the sausages, what similar mess ups do we have within our ranks?

In a demo in work where I’m standing up front talking my way through a PowerPoint pack , I went to say ‘there are certain elements’ but instead said ‘there are certain elephants’.

Realised straight away and tried to ignore it. Quickly moved on and talked through the rest of the slide, in the silence waiting for the next slide to come up, someone just cracked up laughing and shouted ‘HE SAID ELEPHANTS’. Cue everyone then creasing up laughing. 

I feel ya Kier, I’ve been there.

Any similar accounts?

ValleyGary

.

SporadicAddick

Had a developer at work called Anu. Always critical to include an apostrophe when writing about Anu’s testing.

carly burn

Once had a job as a branch salesman for food manufacturers Walls.
Wish the world could've swallowed me up when putting a pitch to some delegates imploring them to try our delicious new pork and apple hostages!

AFKABartram

Leroy Ambrose said:

I have a horrible, horrible habit of mistyping Analyst as Analust.

This is extremely unfortunate, since I have a lot of people working for me with that job title... 

lady I worked with sent an email to senior management requesting sex resources instead of six 

CharltonKerry

I had a speech impediment when I was young, so bad that I was sent to a speech therapist, she basically taught me how to speak more or less correctly, except for a few words which till this day still catches me out. Anyway I ended up owning a company and doing presentation to major clients like Ocado and Marks and Spencer’s, the speech therapist taught me if I got stuck on a word (can be absolutely anything) to think “I can’t say” them out it comes, as I got older this in my brain got modified to I can’t f’ing say the word. 

The very first meeting with all the ocado directors and refrigeration consultants for a £6 million projects I was explaining the design principles, got to refrigeration and couldn’t for the life of me say refrigeration, after an embarrassing silence I managed to use my magic formula and out it popped. Imagine my embarrassment when my partner told me instead of thinking it I spoke it out loud “I can’t f’ing say refrigeration. 

Anyway we got the project.

Shame she didn’t teach me to spell and type properly 😀

Six-a-bag-of-nuts

At the height of the IRA bombing campaign in the early 1970s I worked for Government department.
A memo was sent to all staff warning us to be vigilant in the light of recent terrorist bomb attacks.
Unfortunately whoever should have proof read had slipped up as the memo actually read " in the light of recent terrorist bumb attacks".
Cue much hilarity, with visions of men with black berets and Kalashnikovs demanding " get your trousers down, noie"

Davo55

I once went for a working breakfast meeting with a very attractive young lady who worked for a partner organisation. I swear nothing unprofessional was going on in my head (or my trousers) but as we walked into the restaurant I confidently asked the Maitre D for a "room for two" when of course I meant "table". Luckily she thought it was hilarious and we had a good laugh about it.

Rizzo

A colleague was going to ask me to do a report for her ahead of a meeting but unfortunately got distracted halfway through her sentence and was left standing next to my desk have loudly asked "Could you please do me".

I would have, too...

Bournemouth Addick

On my very first day at senior school one of the teachers was doing the register. He gets to BA's name and asks me if I'm related to someone else with the same surname. "Yes sir, I'm her sister...", instead of the reverse.

How to put a target on your back for the rest of the first week.

MrOneLung

Getting a bus to Dartford station, the morning after a particularly heavy night, was waiting to pay and when the driver greeted me, instead of saying 'Station' please, I somehow came out with 'pint of Stella'

lolwray

My old mum disliked people who cast nasturtiums 

MrOneLung

Or a text message - had had a bit of argument one morning with the missus, and stormed off to walk to station.

Felt bad, so sent a text that should have said 'Sorry, are you OK' but fat fingers me actually sent 'Sorry, are you on ?'

ShootersHillGuru

My very first job was for The GLC as a clerical officer. Long before e mails where letters were the way to communicate. One of my colleagues without fail used to start the correspondence Dear Sir or Madman (not madam). Nobody ever seemed to notice.

JohnBoyUK

I remember when I was a kid that my old man sent me to the newsagent for an ounce of Golden Virginia tobacco.

Cue the man behind the counter pissing himself laughing when I didn't ask for Golden Virginia!

BDL

I'm staying out of this one.......