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Great Linkedin profiles

Linkedin - a site I use primarily to see what various tossers I have worked with in the past are up to.

However, one of the best things about Linked in is the "About" section, where users get the opportunity to summarise their skills and experience in a vain attempt to appeal to potential employers, or attempt to show ex colleagues (who think they are tossers) how well they have done.

The profiles are sometimes insightful but, more often than not, they are palpable bollocks. 

This thread is an opportunity to find and share some of the best profiles on line - perhaps because they are great, but hopefully because they expose the writer as the vacuous individuals they may actually be. Bonus points are clearly awarded for profiles written in the 3rd person.

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Comments

  • edited March 2020
    Sol Campbell - Manager, Southend United.

    Sol Campbell, a former England International footballer, known as one of the finest defenders to have worn the England shirt. Campbell was a strong and imposing defender with pace, agility and quick feet holding a 20-year career playing in the Premier League and an 11-year international career.

    Campbell balances his sporting and philanthropic endeavours with his amorous passion for architecture and design. Director of both FBC London and Fiona Barratt Interiors, Campbell is the strategist behind both companies assisting his wife, Fiona Barratt-Campbell, in creating beautifully crafted interiors from their studio in London resulting in luxurious bespoke interiors that exceed clients’ expectations.

    Campbell truly believes that good quality design is life enhancing. The interior architecture of a property, whether residential or commercial, is about people and problem solving. Campbell’s strengths sit with his natural ability to listen and understand people’s visions, and embody balance. 
  • Jeremy Corbyn (cardinal sin, not keeping his profile up to date...)

    This winter, I am putting forward the most exciting and radical General Election campaign ever seen, to bring real change to all parts of this country.

    This election is a once in a generation chance to transform our country, take on the vested interests holding people back, and ensure that no community is left behind.

    Do you want to help the Labour party pull down a corrupt system and build a fairer society?

    Then please register to vote: www.gov.uk/register-to-vote

    And vote for your local Labour Party candidate on Thursday 12th December.

    You can find out more about how we want to transform the UK here: labour.org.uk/manifesto-2019

    The future is ours to make, together.

    It’s time for real change. 
  • Tony Keohane - Chief Operating Officer - Charlton Athletic

    Experienced Stadium and venue operator, responsible for managing and developing all aspects of venue services.

    Focused on identifying opportunities and maximising returns by understanding stakeholder needs, providing clarity & empowerment to management by forming effective confident front line teams to engage guests and provide excellent service experiences.
    Accomplished at setting up and leading working teams to deliver intricate projects, which include contract openings, mobilisation of new business, property acquisition, planning application and construction programs, organisational development & structural change, new software & system integrations and building refurbishment. 
    Program or programme? I’m in the programme camp
  • Tony Keohane - Chief Operating Officer - Charlton Athletic

    Experienced Stadium and venue operator, responsible for managing and developing all aspects of venue services.

    Focused on identifying opportunities and maximising returns by understanding stakeholder needs, providing clarity & empowerment to management by forming effective confident front line teams to engage guests and provide excellent service experiences.
    Accomplished at setting up and leading working teams to deliver intricate projects, which include contract openings, mobilisation of new business, property acquisition, planning application and construction programs, organisational development & structural change, new software & system integrations and building refurbishment. 
    Program or programme? I’m in the programme camp
    Programme personally, but I think there are much bigger problems with that claim than the spelling!
  • Follow state of LinkedIn on twitter if you can.  It will give you a few laughs.

    it is a necessary evil for me.  Use it for lead sourcing and will soon be using it to find jobs.  Some of the self indulgent stuff on there is unbelievable.

    I’m not a fan of the ‘look at my children posts’, urrrgggghh

    There’s far too many passive aggressive ‘I’ve made it posts’

    People love to talk about how they’ve worked all hours and had 700 part time jobs whilst studying for an MBA etc etc. 

    It’s a cesspit

  • cabbles said:
    Follow state of LinkedIn on twitter if you can.  It will give you a few laughs.

    it is a necessary evil for me.  Use it for lead sourcing and will soon be using it to find jobs.  Some of the self indulgent stuff on there is unbelievable.

    I’m not a fan of the ‘look at my children posts’, urrrgggghh

    There’s far too many passive aggressive ‘I’ve made it posts’

    People love to talk about how they’ve worked all hours and had 700 part time jobs whilst studying for an MBA etc etc. 

    It’s a cesspit

    I was going to mention State of LinkedIn. Here's a great example of people copying others posts to get likes:


  • “Amorous passion for architecture and design” haha!
  • “Good quality design is life enhancing”
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  • cabbles said:
    Follow state of LinkedIn on twitter if you can.  It will give you a few laughs.

    it is a necessary evil for me.  Use it for lead sourcing and will soon be using it to find jobs.  Some of the self indulgent stuff on there is unbelievable.

    I’m not a fan of the ‘look at my children posts’, urrrgggghh

    There’s far too many passive aggressive ‘I’ve made it posts’

    People love to talk about how they’ve worked all hours and had 700 part time jobs whilst studying for an MBA etc etc. 

    It’s a cesspit

    Some LinkedIn content makes me want to gouge my brain out. Some is so bad it's actually funny. 



    Recommend following @craponlinkedin on twitter
  • Faarking hell! Whoever wrote that needs a good kicking!
  • Who makes up something like that... and then who likes/applauds/loves or comments on it?!
  • What a shame that the illuminating profiles of Jacco van Seventer and Mohamed el Kashashy are no longer available to enjoy.
  • That post is a parody if anyone didn't realise. 
  • Huskaris said:
    That post is a parody if anyone didn't realise. 
    Quite obviously, too
  • Tony Keohane - Chief Operating Officer - Charlton Athletic

    Experienced Stadium and venue operator, responsible for managing and developing all aspects of venue services.

    Focused on identifying opportunities and maximising returns by understanding stakeholder needs, providing clarity & empowerment to management by forming effective confident front line teams to engage guests and provide excellent service experiences.
    Accomplished at setting up and leading working teams to deliver intricate projects, which include contract openings, mobilisation of new business, property acquisition, planning application and construction programs, organisational development & structural change, new software & system integrations and building refurbishment. 
    Program or programme? I’m in the programme camp
    He probably cut and pasted that from someone else! - most likely an American.  In the UK program is only normally spelt that way in computing - a software program.  The normal use for a collection of projects or a marketing campaign or even a TV show would be to spell it programme.
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  • Scoham said:
    Who makes up something like that... and then who likes/applauds/loves or comments on it?!
    Social Media Wankers
  • Off_it said:
    Seems to be a growing trend. Every time someone leaves our place these days you get an email come round saying it's the best place they've ever worked, the people are great, the bosses are great, everything is amazing, etc, etc.

    So why you leaving then?

    Also, people are constantly being encouraged to "bring their whole self to work" but then there's surprise when people act like selfish, narcissistic, lazy tossers.

    If I brought my whole self to work every day I'd probably be calling people "cnuts" all day. But I don't think that's what they mean!
    Be good for a laugh though. 
  • PaddyP17 said:
    Scoham said:
    So, I'm a recruiter. Almost all LinkedIn discourse enrages me to my very core - yet I can't get away from it, and sometimes, I even have to embrace it.

    It's the fact that, apparently, paragraphs are no longer the done thing.

    You have to put every sentence on a separate line.

    Like this.

    And you know what?

    Sometimes people will throw in a question there too, to bait people into reading their inanities, thinking it's actually quite an insightful post, when the advice almost always boils down to "don't be a prick to someone".

    And there's a shorter sentence afterward.

    -----------------------------------------

    If the bloke in this tweet was any less self-aware he'd vanish out of existence. You should be helping support your former employees find jobs, if it was that hard to lay them off - and listing their contact details and credentials (with permission), and contacting any hiring stakeholders (be that recruiters or HR at other businesses) to give them a hand going forward. 

    Instead what we get is weird preachiness and "building your personal brand" ad nauseam. Urgh.
    Gets more and more like Faceache every day.
  • Off_it said:
    Seems to be a growing trend. Every time someone leaves our place these days you get an email come round saying it's the best place they've ever worked, the people are great, the bosses are great, everything is amazing, etc, etc.

    So why you leaving then?

    Also, people are constantly being encouraged to "bring their whole self to work" but then there's surprise when people act like selfish, narcissistic, lazy tossers.

    If I brought my whole self to work every day I'd probably be calling people "cnuts" all day. But I don't think that's what they mean!
    That's what your notice period is for 
  • Things I don’t miss about going to work, Vol XXV.
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