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100 prepared reasons why you were rubbish at the match

3blokes3blokes
edited May 2007 in General Charlton
1. You could not find Billy's Boots ( Scorcher readers will understand this)
2. You were played hopelessly out of position.
3. The pitch was the worst playing surface you've ever played on. (This one will require a lot of front)
4. The manager stifled your creative flair with his pedestrian tactics.
5. Your team mates were always 2 passes behind your footballing genius.
6. You had spent the prior evening in a night club with Marcus Bent who had given you a few bits of advice.
7. The ball was at the incorrect pressure which ruined your precision passing and made you miskick horribly every time it came your way.
8. You can only really perform on the international stage.
9. You suffer from a rare syndrome that makes you unaccountably fat/drunk/unfit overnight.
10. You picked up a knock in your last game. ( valid for matches up to 10 years ago)

Comments

  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT
    11.You couldn't see for the bright lights of Medders' flash going off in your face everytime you touched the ball.
  • carlsbergcarlsberg
    edited May 2007
    12. My family have turned up to laugh at my over hit passes, sliced shots, fail throw ins, air volleys ( yea the ones where you spin right round), tripping over the ball whilst trying fancy step overs..........so i thought id better not disappoint them.
  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT
    13. I was shite in the first match as I thought it was just a warm-up.
  • carlsbergcarlsberg
    lol.
  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT
    14. I was shite in the second match because I thought it was a warm-down.
  • carlsbergcarlsberg
    edited May 2007
    15. my hands where cold and i forgot my Diawara gloves
  • 3blokes3blokes
    15. I was just copying Carlsberg :)
  • carlsbergcarlsberg
    oi!
  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT
    16. When Maria scored that bicycle kick (I mean the second one, in the first half) I knew the stakes had risen. I thought I better pull off something spectacular just to keep everyone from laughing at me. And that's when I landed on my head.
  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT
    17. For the goalkeepers: I played most of the match concussed after tipping Maria's volley around the post and striking my head on the upright. I'm used to larger goals, you know, like they have on the continent.
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  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT
    18. For those who chicken out before showtime: Well, it's not that I don't want to play, you see, but I've just found out that my registration is held by a third-party in South America and I really don't want to bring all of the good work you've done for the Demelza kiddies into jeopardy.
  • aliwibblealiwibble
    19. Your shorts ripped the first time you went in for a tackle, so you were desperately trying not to indecently expose yourself.
    20. You spent the prior evening in a night club with Marcus Bent trying to pick you up. (For the ladies only I guess)
  • MCSMCS
    21, Because i am crap!
  • kigeliakigelia
    22. because your laces were of inferior quality
  • WSSWSS
    edited May 2007
    23. My missus was in the crowd and i was nervous about what the minibus lot were going to say to her after the game. Fortunately they kept schtum but if i knew that before i would have played like Ronaldinho
  • AFKABartramAFKABartram
    23. Because you got too stressed with the organising, you forgot how to kick a ball.
  • MariaCAFCMariaCAFC
    [cite]Posted By: LoOkOuT[/cite]16. When Maria scored that bicycle kick (I mean the second one, in the first half) I knew the stakes had risen. I thought I better pull off something spectacular just to keep everyone from laughing at me. And that's when I landed on my head.
    [cite]Posted By: LoOkOuT[/cite]17. For the goalkeepers: I played most of the match concussed after tipping Maria's volley around the post and striking my head on the upright. I'm used to larger goals, you know, like they have on the continent.


    LOL - Yeah right!!!

    ;-)

    Mx
  • F-BlockerF-Blocker
    Sounds like Maria's got some pretty impressive ball-handling skills! ;o)
  • MariaCAFCMariaCAFC
    LOL :-P

    xx
  • Stu_of_KunmingStu_of_Kunming
    24. I got so scared about the game I got in a scrap with a bunch of yids in order to get injured so I can pull out.

    What a plan, oh what a plan.
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  • KetmanKetman
    edited May 2007
    25. Cos the Oppo spent the whole game hacking me down for no apparent reason.
    26. Cos my Dad was there & he never watches me play, he makes me nervous.
  • guinnessaddickguinnessaddick
    27. In my head I can still do it, my body not too sure.
  • Alex WrightAlex Wright
    28 the dog ate my managers game plan notes
  • Henry IrvingHenry Irving
    29. That Trickyricky was too fast and too fit for me.
  • heavenSE7heavenSE7
    30. The wind took it over my head.
  • cunningstunt87cunningstunt87
    Tut tut. People getting excuses in for poor performances already. When you're as good as me guys you won't need to worry about excuses!
  • MariaCAFCMariaCAFC
    [cite]Posted By: cunningstunt87[/cite]Tut tut. People getting excuses in for poor performances already. When you're as good as me guys you won't need to worry about excuses!



    Now that is the type of comment that I would expect from Carling!! ;-)

    xx
  • cunningstunt87cunningstunt87
    Why? Does s/he think they're as great as me?

    Pffft!!!
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