A well known much respected football club owner in his head holds an in house referendum whether to Remain or Leave.
Scene : Abbey Wood Railway Station waiting room. R has bought himself a small latte, and treated the others to cups of tap water.
R: Right, I've been thinking about whether we'd all be better off if we all came out of the SE7 union.
K: ( in wide eyed horror) Oh do fuck off!! Where else am I going to get away with this shit?
R: ( in surprise ) I beg your pardon?
K : ( recovering herself) Oh..er...sorry, Uncle... I just sneezed.....
R : Oh, well, anyway, I'd like us to think first what advantages there might be if we were to Remain in SE7 ?
(T's hand shoots up)
T: Employment would still be really good.
R : Really?
T: Well, it would for me and her....
(K gives a big smile nervous giggle and dances to some imaginary house music)
R: I see, yes, I can see that is a positive. What else?
(There is a long pause)
T: Er....well...er......oh yes, how about you get to limit the free flow of quality footballers coming into SE7 taking the places of players you have picked up from Lidl?
(K gives another big smile, nervous giggle and dances to some more imaginary house music)
R : Yes, that's very true. What about the markets though?
T: ( vaguely) Well, I think there's one in Woolwich....
R: Good, well that's reassuring. What about the PM though?
T: The PM?
R : Our Puppet Manager. What will happen to him if we stay?
K : Oh he'll be gone by October. Then we get Roger Johnson in.
R : All good. Ok, let's look at what will happen if we Leave.
( at this point PV pops his head round the door)
PV : If you were to leave there would be massive turmoil at the ticket office as everyone scrambled to grab their season ticket seat back. There would be a steady influx of non-network players and there would be a significant dent in the local sofa, duct tape and laundry basket industries. Expectations would rise at an alarming rate, CL would crash with the volume of traffic asking Colin out on a date and there would be outbreaks of uncontrolled happiness right across SE7.
R: Oh that doesn't sound too good....
PV: No, actually it would be. Really really good.
R : Huh I'm not convinced. No, I vote we Remain.
PV : Oh fuck .....
( leaves, closing the door )
R: Right, that's it, it's just gone off peak, I'm off, see you all next year.
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