Can't we just use the protest money to bribe someone to play another team on his stream? He watches all our games from his volcano lair in Brussels so would be none the wiser.
It would have to be good team that wears red, maybe Arsenal? Or we could play Barcalona away games and say that we have began wearing the orange monstrosity third kit again?
We could tell Duchie that he's a very clever boy and has changed football for ever and should sell up now to keep his legacy intact. Makienok has fired us into the premier league and we are on course to win it.
We need to get Gary Lineker in on it too, he could record a short clip saying how every club is following the Duchatelet method.
Maybe we should start the CARD bank robbing committee to fund all these bribes.
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He's too busy in his oxygen tank jizzing on his chimpanzee to watch football. Plus he doesn't understand it, Nego and Thuram prove that...