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An emotional plea

Admin, I hope you don't mind me posting this but I'm going to anyway

Good morning everyone

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this message today

Five weeks ago, I was contacted by a young lady called Clair that wanted to buy some swimming medals that I have for sale on Ebay, as she is doing a charity swim.

Once she had explained to me what charity she was raising money for I decided to donate the medals to her and wished her good luck in her swim and hoped she raised lots of money for a great cause.

The charity in case is a special room, set aside in Exeter hospital for parents of still born babies to bond with their child. This room at this particular hospital is privately funded and not only is it helping the hospital fund this room, but also helping the poor parents and family/friends of the little fella born asleep.

Two weeks ago, my family went through the same nightmare scenario

My wife's twin sister, had four attempts at IVF and finally fell pregnant this year

With less than 3 weeks to go, they were told the devastating news that their son would be born asleep.

This news not only affects the parents, but the grandparents, siblings and also my own daughters who were so looking forward to meeting their new cousin.

At 00:32 on the 16th of August, little Harrison was born and he was beautiful. My wife and myself went to meet him that morning as did the grandparents, and the room that was set aside for this tragic few days and the staff at Haywards heaths Princess Royal hospital were fantastic.

My sister in law left the hospital on the Friday and had to go back the next day to collect medication and belongings etc and by that time, there was already another family in this room.

It just shows how important this facility is.

If you would be so kind as to donate just a £1 to Clair's charity in my nephews honour, I would so appreciate it

Perhaps after a while, we may look into different avenues of fundraising for causes in my nephews name, but at the moment it is still a bit raw

I have attached a pdf outlining Clairs charity swim, which also has ways to donate on there

Clair also has a facebook page called Ayrtons Dream in memory of her son

Thank you for taking the time to read this I really do appreciate it

Reg x


  • Fixed the pdf now!
  • Hi such a sad story. Is there a just giving web page to donate too? Much easier for everyone to donate too. If u can post I will donate a little.
  • Thanks Kimbo, I'm not sure if there is to be honest, I will see if I can get Clair to set one up and then post it

    Thanks very much!
  • edited August 2013
    Cant imagine the heartbreak mate. Great cause and hope as much money is raised as possible.
  • Hi Kimbo

    I've just spoken to Claire and she doesn't have a just giving page set up as she didn't want to give the website 5% which I didn't realise happened! She does now have a bank account set up and also a paypal address as below

    [email protected]


  • Echo VG. Cant imagine going through something like this and puts football into perspective. Huge sympathy to any family in this position - and big respect to the people that are there to help them in such a hard situation.

    This is a great cause - thanks for highlighting Creepy.
  • Thanks VG it is heartbreaking mate but by doing something like this also helps the grieving process. Thanks damo I appreciate your kind words and totally agree re the football!
    Thank you all
  • I'll send some money over... I've been through something similar
  • Bless you McB it'll be greatly appreciated
    You'll be sadly surprised how common it really is
    I only knew 1 or 2 people that it had happened to before my nephew and now since I know of at least 12 people personally
    Claire was telling me where Ayrton is buried there is a new arrival at least once a month
    Such a sad sad thing :(
  • you aren't joking - miscarriages (where you know you are pregnant at least) occur about 1 in 5 ties. Late term miscarriages and still-births are less common, but so many people we know have been through it. It just isn't out in the open. Can sort of see why, but its great that when it happens so many people are there to support you. This room sounds like a great idea. Our circumstances were different, so I don't know if our local hospital had something similar.
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  • Such a sad story, creepyaddick and my thoughts are with your wife's twin & her family.

    I suffered a 26 week live birth ( little girl) following 3 early doors miscarriages before I had medical help to "hold on" to our son & daughter in the 70's.

    I wasn't allowed to see the baby and was too distraught to think clearly at the time as I was alone in hospital in the middle of the night - I don't believe that much was done to keep her alive. The baby was described as " not viable" and I was told it was just one of those things....another statistic. That I was a healthy 20 something and could "try again" was the only advice and support I was given at that time.

    As a result, I did not go through the grieving process and feel the implications of this were apparent when my son was born a year later following the first 5 months of pregnancy in hospital. I found it difficult to bond with him as I felt it was too good to be true and something was bound to go wrong again...and our relationship has suffered to a degree over the years( not serious but noticeable)

    Apologies for these outpourings but I think a special unit with counselling etc would have been of tremendous help to me 39 years ago and to hear that such do now exist is extremely heartening.

    I am happy to make a small donation to Clair's charity and please relay my best wishes to all concerned for the future.
  • edited August 2013
    McB I can def see why, but it is still a sad statistic.

    FF I feel for you I really do.
    In my nan's day (50s), she had a stillborn, they just took the baby away and buried them with another adult and didn't even get to see him!
    With this room they say it is a big part of the grieving and they encourage you to take lots of photos and spend as much time with your baby as you want and there are groups that support not only the parents but all the family and friends that need it.

    I will certainly pass on your best wishes thank you
    I just so appreciate your donations very much

    thank you
  • What a thread I only pay towards these things in cash but if there is a way of meeting up to give you my tenner then let me know

    Fanny you amaze me so often you are the nutts that was so powerful

    My mum suffered a similar incident and it amazes me that things were so horrid yet you all come across so balanced

    Charlton life never ceases to offer more than any other site

    Its incredible the courage shown by some in their disclosures
  • Dear me, in absolute pieces reading that.

    I will make a donation right away.

    Best wishes to you and your family Reg pal
  • the advantage of justgiving is they automaticlly claim gift aid and pay direct to the charity.They take the 5% from this only. it is more cost effective for charities and also they end up getting more cash in the first place - donation + (gift aid - 5%), i have worked in charities for years and it is a quick efficient system. also easier for donors and people who are doing similair fundraising efforts. i think she should reconsider to be honest.
  • Thank you all for your kind words, Kimbo I will ring her tonight and let her know this as she was obviously not aware of that, NLA I will be at the game saturday and will meet you in the Lib if we make it that far! CWLC warm up stag pub crawl beforehand but hope to get to the Lib at some stage, maybe after the game and Rob, thank you it will be very much appreciated, thank you all.
    NLA as you say this forum is a great place it really is.
  • My first son was still born ( it was partners second still birth in 10 years ) and it was a horrible feeling to be left in a plain little side room in the hospital while the world went on outside. This is a great idea, and I shall add a few pounds to the fund.
  • Reg sorry to hear this news it's heartbreaking, both of my sisters had miscarriages when I was younger, and I know all the joy and excitement of having a baby was instantly wiped away.

    My eldest son is one of a twin that he or I never got to meet, I'm so pleased that you are raising awareness of this tragedy, as its organizations like this that can help.

    Do let us know if you do set up a just giving site, thoughts with you and your family.

  • Kev, I'm sorry if it has opened old wounds but the reasons for it are to help those who come after us. Thank you so much, this lady has some great plans for her local hospital, new bedding, curtains, decoration, facilities like you'd never imagine and I just believe that she is one very very brave lady and I will do everything I can to help her. MIA thank you for telling us about your sad loss too, I have just got off the phone to her and she has promised me she is going to look at the justgiving site again and set up a page, she was also told of a BT site that does a similar thing too. @kimbo I explained what you said about the 5% etc and she is going to have another look, do you know anything about this BT run site?
    Once again I can't help saying it but Thank you!
  • Trust me creepyaddick, although my son died 10 yrs ago, the memory is still a strong and powerful but I have found talking about everything that happened is fantastic for me. I have always openly talked about it too anyone who wanted to hear about him. Talking is great.
    Anyone who wants to make the experience better for the rest gets my full support!
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  • Need to find my card reader, but I'm definitely making a donation!

    Our own story wasn't quite the same... it was a miscarriage after 16 weeks, though we had seen it move on the 12 weeks scan. The staff at the hospital couldn't have been more caring, but I have found that talking to all kinds of people in a social environment people does help. I certainly don't think one should suffer in silence, though I spare the details. For my own part, and I hope this might help some of the people reading this, I found that thinking about the grief process in an abstract way gave me some comfort. I had rationalised the fact that miscarriages happen, and it really is down to awful luck, but I thought I was going insane. By understanding that the brain goes through a healing process that is entirely natural, I took comfort knowing that things would get better. There are many emotions you go through, such as anger, denial, despair, depression, guilt... in no particular order, for different periods of time, and with nothing or something random triggering it. I just pictured my brain being like a body part that has suffered a trauma. It goes through a stage of scabbing, bruising, healing that is entirely natural, it just takes time and you should let it happen. There is no specific way this happens, and each of us deal with it differently.

    This only happened a few months ago, so I'm still trying to deal with it, as well as look after a daughter and my wife. It's hard, but knowing there is help out there makes a huge difference.

    Before I finish, this room seems like a great idea as the first few hours of coming to terms with it are crucial. We tried to think of the foetus as exactly that, rather than as a baby (it would be different if it was older I'm sure) so we didn't like being told about funerals and being asked for its name (at the time, we didn't know the gender of course). We didn't want to see it as a person. But we were given space in a private room (in the labour ward... times were much happier last time we were there!), but the staff took time to look after us, and we were very grateful.

    Enough rambling, and if anyone wants to PM me about their own story rather than write it here, I'm only too happy to listen.
  • Thank you Kev, that's exactly the same attitude that my sister in law has too, she wants everyone to talk about him and has lots of photos etc and wants my girls to ask him about him also, she is being so brave, so is my brother in law though, he has had to go back to work this week so she is feeling a bit lonely at times, but my wife is always there for her, they are inseperable anyway and I've always said it's like I married both of them!
    McB, that's a great way to think about it, I feel like a big elastoplast at the minute, covering 7 different people who are really hurting, this is my way of helping myself deal with it I think, I have 2 daughters who don't like football at all and I had already told my sis&bro in law that I would be dragging little H screaming to the Valley on saturdays whether he wanted to go or not! Sadly I can't do that now but I will take a photo of him to any game I go to from now on.

    Thank you all again for being so kind

  • Hard to know what to type. Best wishes to anyone having to deal with this.

    Some people reading and / or contributing to this thread may benefit from contacting the charity SANDS.
  • Cheers Sheffield heard a lot of good stuff about them
  • Agree with SheffieldRed. Same thing happened to my Sister-in-law a few years ago and SANDS is really good
  • Thanks Cat I will let them know, cheers
  • Hello chaps and chapettes
    Over a year ago I asked if any of you could help and sponsor an event that I had a connection with, thank you all for your comments and your sponsorships, altogether my friend Claire raised over £2600!

    Well, you guessed it! She is at it again! If you could spare just a £1 it'll all go towards a great cause, thank you

    and some more great news is that Claire has been nominated for an award for all her charity work! Please vote for Claire!

    Thank you...thank you...thank lovely people!

    Reg x
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