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Most embarrassing moment at a football match

Boxing Day 2006:
No Boxing Day match for the Addicks, so I decide to ease the tension in the household and give my wife a break by taking my dad out to watch Gillingham Vs Leyton Orient (check the form of James Walker I thought). Son comes along as he wants to witness football outside the premiership...

Pay for the tickets and take our seats amongst the Gillingham fans. Five minutes before KO, my father announces in a loud voice 'What's it like slumming it here compared to The Valley?' Deadly silence around us...I laugh nervously...

Game progresses and father keeps up a running commentary about how good Orient and Walker (one of your players? he asks) are doing.

Walker scores a stunner...dad jumps to feet cheering and clapping...Gillingham fans all stare at him...I laugh nervously (again) and try to make out he is deranged. He refuses to stop clapping....My son and I sink into our seats...

Thankfully Gillingham win and we manage escape with our lives. He is not going again!!!

Dad gets a bollocking from son (me). Mind you, he did this at Alan Smith's last game for Leeds. Parents live in York, so I get tickets and go up. Sit with the CAFC faithful whilst father spends 90 mins eulogising about Smith...nearly get beaten up by own fans...

Anyone else???
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Comments

  • numerous occasions when playing at home and the game is on sky, when i sat in the lower west with my dad by the tunnel, if there was a camera or action going on in front of us my dad used to grin, and do some kinda 'jazz hands' wave.

    he caught the ball earlier on this season and i could see him from the upper north holding it aloft like a trophy, that game was on telly too, so glad i moved seats :-)
  • Man utd away 2003/4.

    Some of our fans start charting Arsenal then Terry Henry to the united fans.
  • Against Arsenal in a friendly in the 80s,i was giving it large to a load of gooners at the bit of terrace behind our old clock bit,went to walk back to our bit and one of them tripped me up and i went tumbling!even our lot started laughing!i had the hump big time!
  • Tavern - I remember that Arsenal friendly. Half time was fun ............
  • [cite]Posted By: 1905[/cite]Tavern - I remember that Arsenal friendly. Half time was fun ............
    Yes big time,they went from that top bit!to the pitch if i remember correctly
  • at Selhurst, I think it was against Villa (I could be so wrong, my memory is mush)
    Leaburn had been getting constant stick from all around me & it was really starting to get my goat
    he then goes & scores a screamer right infront of us
    i turn around to see the main protagonists, they looked like the Proclaimers but one was huge
    i shouted at the top of my voice

    ' you can stick that right up your ar5e you fat w@anker '

    i turned back to see my Dad with a face like thunder & KB rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter. dad didn't speak to me all the way home :-(
  • lol sis. lolololololololol
    in front of your dad!
  • not actually watching, but playing at charlton park many moon`s ago on a very wet pitch, a perfectly timed slide tackle broke up a promising attack, the ball went out for a throw just in line with the 18yard line, while jogging back to my position for the long throw and acknowledging my teammates applause for the great tackle, I was adjusting my shorts when I noticed from knee to my rib cage (I never tucked my shirt in) yes, you guessed it! I had slid through what must have been the biggest pile of dog sh** ever deposited at that park, everyone within a 3 pitch distance knew in seconds, the ref stopped the game because everyone, including him had collapsed on the floor laughing, to make matters worse as I left the pitch to clean myself up, I was pointed in direction of the sponge bucket (remember them) when the group of people watching started laughing, I was using the sponge bucket belonging to a team on the next pitch. : (
  • I've also witnessed a player go in for a slide then get up claiming a corner with a 3ft trail of dogs do down his body !!

    if we are widening this up, then twice in the last ten years we have had games stopped when an opposing player was running with the ball down the wing and his false hand fell off, while another time my mate took a corner, complete missed the ball but kicked the flag 20 yards into the penalty spot. Ref had to stop the game for about 3 mins while everyone rolled around.

    I'm waiting for Randy Andy's input here :-)
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  • I remember when the whole of blackheath was used for football on sunday`s, we were playing by the bowling greens & tennis courts when one our players put in one of those all purpose clearances, it went for miles, off went the sub only a youngster the traffic stopped as the ball rolled towards blackheath hill, he caught up with the ball and put the brakes ( nylon studs dont you love em) if it wasnt for an escort mexico he have made it to Deptford.
  • [cite]Posted By: Ketman[/cite]Mine was when I went down to Brighton with a Gooner mate to watch an Arsenal Pre-season friendly at the Goldstone. We decided to get absoloutely shitfaced first. Was walking past one of the larger smarter Brighton hotels when we noticed the Arsenal team getting on board a coach. As we were walking down the other side of the road, my mate in his Arsenal top was waving at Smith, Merson, Adams, Bould, Dixon et al & they looked over just in time to see me walk straight into a lamp post & hit the deck holding my face. When I got up I could see the whole Arsenal Coach laughing & pointing at me. Not my finest hour.

    lol thats quality dude ha ha
  • [cite]Posted By: the_covered_end[/cite]I remember when the whole of blackheath was used for football on sunday`s, we were playing by the bowling greens & tennis courts when one our players put in one of those all purpose clearances, it went for miles, off went the sub only a youngster the traffic stopped as the ball rolled towards blackheath hill, he caught up with the ball and put the brakes ( nylon studs dont you love em) if it wasnt for an escort mexico he have made it to Deptford.

    LOLOL

    That is uncanny. I remember playing for my school on the first pitch nearest the top of Blackheath Hill - the ball got cleared and ended up going all the way down the fucker - gawd alone knows where it ended up but a search party was despatched and returned about twenty minutes later empty handed. By christ Blackheath was cold. I remember once playing against a team of African lads - they were an immigrant team, composed mainly of Ghanaians - one of them wore a jumper, gloves and a balaclava - even his teammates took the piss out of him but it was proper cold that day. Would never be allowed to play on the pitch now, it was frozen solid and like running on an ice rink
  • [cite]Posted By: AFKA Bartram[/cite]I'm waiting for Randy Andy's input here :-)

    Surely you mean 'output' ?
  • LOL. That's quality oohaah.
  • [cite]Posted By: oohaahmortimer[/cite]remember going to, gigg lane, bury with morts genius PBS and cheese roll for a midweek cup tie ... went on the lash very early got totally wasted before the game and passed out during it we got up to go and leave at the end of the game and the gates were shut complained to the steward who then told us it was only half time!!!

    some of us knew it was half time ;-)

    one of my most embarrassing football moments was at table football. i recieved a table for christmas. it was one of those where the bars that the players are on go right through the table out the other side. by christmas dinner i had mastered it, so after dinner it was me against my dad and uncle at the same time. after going 2-0 down early on i couldn't work out what i was doing wrong. then as the ball rolled towards my goal for the 3rd i saw my uncle moving my keeper. being a competitive person i reasoned with him by shouting "leave my fu**ing goalie alone". as a 5 year old this didn't go down with the christmas spirit intended. i remember the deathly silence from the kitchen (where my mum was washing up). i absolutely shat myself until they could no longer hold their laughter in.
  • Trying to start many a song especially at upton park and just a shriek coming out, and then everyone turning around and calling me a w*nker. I also went down to Bournemouth with some spurs friends for a pre season friendly it was about a week before we played them down there. After the game we were round the back of the Stand, and i had had a few sherberts. The Spurs players were boarding there coach and stupidly i gave Ardiles(manager at time) some verbal, something about the Belgrano. Next minute Steve Perryman bowls over ready to knock my block off and he had to be restrained. I never sh*t myself so much. I felt totally embarrassed and a bit of a w*nker, bit of a trend there.
  • My most embarrassing moment was in the players bar after Robert lee's 1st game back at the valley with newcastle. being a great admirer of the man (both on and off the pitch) as i was walking towards the ladies, i spotted him standing by the food table. too busy perving at him i bumped into someone spilling wine down his cafc tie & light blue shirt. as i was pawing the mess i lifted my head to see it was curbs. i ran into toilet so embarrassed,but worse was to come when i came back out curbs & rob lee were now standing together,curbs then points at me then his soaked shirt with rob lee laughing uncontrollably. now that was embarrassing!
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  • LOL, not so lucky after all !
  • [cite]Posted By: luckyred[/cite]My most embarrassing moment was in the players bar after Robert lee's 1st game back at the valley with newcastle. being a great admirer of the man (both on and off the pitch) as i was walking towards the ladies, i spotted him standing by the food table. too busy perving at him i bumped into someone spilling wine down his cafc tie & light blue shirt. as i was pawing the mess i lifted my head to see it was curbs. i ran into toilet so embarrassed,but worse was to come when i came back out curbs & rob lee were now standing together,curbs then points at me then his soaked shirt with rob lee laughing uncontrollably. now that was embarrassing!

    That's the best so far!
  • Agreed, poor Lucky Red, imagining spilling red wine all over our esteemed former manager, that's pure gold!!!

    The best one I ever heard was from Kevin Nolan, the Mercury football reporter and an old mate of mine, whose kids used to bunk into The Valley on match days in the 70's and 80's by climbing over the outside walls into the old toilets at the back of the Covered End. Well, apparently, Kev's older son, whose name escapes me but who turned out to be a really tasty boxer, clambered over the wall one Saturday and fell onto his arse at the feet of our then manager Andy Nelson who was having a pee. Apparently, Nelson looked at Kev's son almost unable to believe what he was seeing and Kev's son, clambering to his feet quickly spat out, "Looks like you've got your hands full today, Andy!" and buggered off to the safety of the Covered End!!!

    Another of Kev's great stories is of him taking his two sons up to Bolton's old Burnden Park for a Saturday game in the 80's on a really cold day when it had been snowing up north. Anyway, they got to the game and always keen to save a quid Kev decided they should bunk into what he knew was the usual away end. So, they somehow get into the ground and onto the old terrace only to find it completely deserted and they were the only ones on the whole terrace!

    They were mortified because they were then spotted by about 20,000 Bolton fans who started pointing and laughing at them because everyone else in the ground knew that the away terrace was closed because of ice on the steps and all the away fans had been relocated elsewhere! Busted!!!

    Always great for a story was Kev!!!
  • A couple of years ago managed to cut myself shaving about 20 minutes before kick-off, which was a bit annoying.

    Even more annoying was the fact that the damn thing wouldn't stop bleeding... so I ended up running to The Valley, spent the first half dabbing the nick with a bit of tissue (nobody noticed, I was at the back at the East Stand then) and got so frustrated with it I ended up getting it seen to by the St John's Ambulance at half-time...

    lesson learned: If I have a shave before football, I now do it in good time to allow for any razor mishaps.
  • edited March 2007
    Teach you for using Tesco value razors!
  • edited March 2007
    Teach you for tarting yourself up for football - were you expecting to pull on the east stand concourse : - )
  • Hehe - it probably had more to do with getting up just before the game or something lazy like that...
  • Mine has to be one of those "I wished the ground would open up!" moments!!

    Right I can't remember exactly what season it was but the game was Us V Aston Villa and Danny Mills and Stan Collymore (Girlfriend beating days!) were having a bit of handbags right by the tunnel - one of those I'm harder than you moments. We sit at the back of the block above the tunnel, next to the players families.

    As normal everyone around us started shouting support fro Danny (as we do!) just as I opened my mouth to shout, it was as if someone hit the mute button for the crowd and out of my mouth came "Just hit him Danny, its not like he'll hit you back he only hits women!" to which Collymore turn round to my direction, at the same time that I went scarlet! Thankfully that's when the noise from the crowd came back - and Collymore got even more stick!

    Yep you've probably guessed the next part - Ulrika Johnson was sitting 3 rows in front of us and it was only about a week after hit had hit her in that Paris bar.

    Mx
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