Adam and
eve it or not I’d given up Charlton V Millwall match that was on that evening
to meet this stunner. I like seeing Charlton score but I thought it would be better
if I scored with this one if you know what I mean.
All at
once it all went wrong. As I stood there on me Todd watching the passing crowds
drifting by this big old fat sort walked up to me and said “hello Billy so where
are we going”.
Gasp. Wow.
I went into an immediate two and eight and then a sudden titanic grabbed me. My
boat race must have been a picture as she stood there looking at me and done a
wiggle and everything wobbled including me and the ground beneath me. Use yer
loaf I thought. Use yer loaf. It was then the pork pies just started rolling from
the north and south. I had to get out of this deep two bob bit.
Nothing
against this twist and whirl but I’d rather be brown bread than be seen with
her. I must have been well elephants trunk last night to have drunk her pretty.
I
hesitated and said “Erm bad news got these early hours erm roses I think to
take to me poor ole skin and blister wots been involved in a bull and cow with a
jam jar. Knocked over she was and broke her Chalk farms and crushed her brass
bands. Must rush I’m on me way to the hospital”
With this
I give it some toes down the frog and shouted over me Bob Bolder give you a
bell on the dog and bone tomorrow. I
went over the frog and down an Aunt Sally quickly ditching the embarrassing early
hours. Off came the Peckham and I tried to look casual like as I strolled towards
the Rose and Crown. Thanks heavens none of my Chinas had seen me with that
little lady. In my rush I should have seen that big cherry hogs Richard the
third which was now all over my nice rhythm and blues giving off an unpleasant
pen and ink.
As soon
as I opened the Henry Moore to the Jack Tarr of The Rose and Crown I knew something
was up. All me puppy tails were there having a good tin bath and pointing at
me.
Ha Ha Ha
We set you up. We set you up they repeated.
Look
behind you that’s your real date and the girl you met last night. I looked
around and there she was as stunning as I remembered. Lovely smile with nice
Hampsteads and such a pretty boat race.
But who
was the girl I just met by the Noahs Ark???
Ha Ha Ha.
We set you. We set you up they all chorused.
That’s
Big Belinda. She’s big bellied, big breasted and big arsed from the local kiss
– a – gram. She will do anything for a laugh and a bit of bread and honey of
course.
Ten
minutes later in came Belinda puffing and panting. Cor blimey mate you called
Bolt you were faster than the 100 metres champion. Entering the 2012 Olympics
are you ???. Then she laughed I laughed and everyone was tin bathing. Hope yer
skin and blister is ok Belinda said with a knowing wink.
Lets all
go to the match!!!
Moral of
the story never ever get so Oliver Twist you don’t know what you’re doing and
never judge people by their appearance.
I ended
up ditching the good looker and I have now been happily married for many many years.
Who’s my trouble and strife ??? Well Belinda of course !!!
One last
thing – Try to talk proper just like what I duz – London could be a better
place if we all had the same culture, spoke the same language and understood
one another. Palace and Millwall excluded of course. I could never understand
them.
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