Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
Also………..
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
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Also;
Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up! <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Comments
Great idea! Just one small point......What is 10,000,000 multiplied by £1,000,000?
Go and have another think.
I'm worn down with a lifetime of being a cash cow for government and multi-million corporations.
I'm over 50, and if the government would care to force me into early retirement so that some youngster can have my job ........ yep, where do I sign!
After all the years of struggle it would be great to have the peace of mind and freedom to actually live the way I would choose - while I'm still young enough to have the energy and ambition to go for it.
Deal?
Anyway, I didn't equate 'early retirement' with just slobbing around .....that's for students.
*ducks for cover*
Where do I sign?...........oh wait I've just woken up.......bugger its another 'pipe dream'!! Oh well it was nice while it lasted
Could see the economy picking up if some more 'dedicated workers' spent less time dissemenating/writing crappy chain emails instead of doing their jobs.
That goes for local sector, too. I can think of about 10 people at my old gig at the council who'd be out of the job!
Mendonca In Asdas
Do the numbers stack up?
£1,000,000 X 10,000,000= £10,000,000,000,000. So no they don't.
Did you get this idea off the resident drunk in your local SS?
I played hide and seek with a cow once.
It was shit.
Do the numbers stack up?
Not even close. £10 trillion is the cost. The whole UK economy pulls in about £1.5 trillion a year. Total tax is about £0.6 trillion. So if we stopped spending on anything at all (i.e. closed down all state schools, hospitals, stopped paying pensions, ceased repairing roads etc etc) and saved up the tax we could just about afford to do this in 15 years. Assuming anarchy hadn't broken out by then.
Plus it would cost more than £0.6 trillion a year to borrow £10 trillion so we would never be able to pay it back.
This post is as credible as one that starts "If we all go to live on the sun we can save on heating bills."
So basically you want to initiate communism in order to provide simple solutions to life's complex problems.
The e-mail originated in the USA about 3 years ago.
schools, hospitals, stopped paying pensions, ceased repairing roads etc
etc....."
It seems like this could already part of the Government's mandate?