[quote][cite]Posted By: Leroy Ambrose[/cite][quote][cite]Posted By: bibble[/cite]One of my clients (customers?) is a Certified 6Sigma Black Belt WOT-UTTER-BOLLOX-THIS-IS!
Also what is Best Practice? And why is it always changing?
I worked in the private sector for years, then went corporate for 4 years, now back to the private sector. I get more work done now, 'cos I just get on with my job and dont need a 'course' on health and safety when I make a cup of char!![/quote] Ummmm...The private sector IS corporate, bibble[/quote]
OK then, smaller private companies rather than big corporate companies, I think you new what I meant!!
I've been out of it for eight years now. Sometimes I miss the insurance business but when I read threads like this and remember all the time wasted producing reports that were glanced over in a few seconds by the senior management and the board, the endless meetings where nothing was decided, the managers who didn't have a clue about the business, the emails from the person sitting opposite you and the often incomprehensible rubbish spurted by would-be MBAs, I'm glad to be out of it.
[cite]Posted By: Dave Rudd[/cite]
No problem accepting that modern corporations are more productive etc, but do you believe that is due to or despite the business speak?
I was referring more to your other annoyances. I think informality and the reduction of deference are directly linked to more meritocratic businesses.
Not sure if you are getting my point. I don't think it's about informality and reduction of deference. I have no problem with either of those. It's about the implied 'chuminess' when people refer to the big boss by his first name only. Nothing to do with deference or otherwise ... just sycophantic, toe-curling and downright embarrassing in my book.
I could live with it if the top man had an unusual or unique name, but 'Andrew' ...?
Maybe we'll just agree to disagree? Although we're probably on the same page anyway. Singing from the same hymn sheet at least?
Can we have a Charlton Life Mission Statement please?
And maybe some Core Values?
How about drafting some 2011 Deliverables (with time-scales and metrics to allow quantification of success)? I'd be happy to chair a small working group to scope things out.
Can we have a Charlton Life Mission Statement please?
And maybe some Core Values?
How about drafting some 2011 Deliverables (with time-scales and metrics to allow quantification of success)? I'd be happy to chair a small working group to scope things out.
We need a pure-play initiative whilst reaching out to all fans to ensure win-win synergies and make sure we are all on the same page - this is evolution not revolution with end-to-end solutions. It's so important to think outside the box and be proactive in our brainstorming.
Just thought I'd flag that up to ensure we are all singing from the same hymn sheet. We need to push the envelope so let's touch base at the end of the day.
[cite]Posted By: Dave Rudd[/cite]
Maybe we'll just agree to disagree? Although we're probably on the same page anyway. Singing from the same hymn sheet at least?
But we are where we are. Let's just move on.
I think I can facilitate you so as to make that a deliverable. As belt and braces let's teamwork to deliver some synergies. Who knows we might achieve a paradign shift and this time next FYE be reading Charlton Life 2.0. Innit?
I work for a LA, and some of the so called best value products, contracts etc. are absolutely laughable. If I need to purchase something, I have to go through the head of department, then the finance director and then I have to go through it all again with the purchasing department who then determine 'best bloody value'
I kid you not, there was an item we needed for one of our schemes that we located at Argos. I could have ordered it and had it there the next day. By the time we had gone through the above rigmarole, it took three months to have delivered, and yes you've guessed it it came from Argos!!!!!!
[cite]Posted By: thai malaysia addick[/cite]I think it's time for me to some thinking inside the box
I think we should get a workshop together and blue sky that idea.
Agreed, dont wait to get your ducks in a row.
A few years back,where I currently work,we all had to write our job descriptions.
Every question asked was answered in corporate babble speak. I got a grade rise.
Let's not go into "Solution Mode" yet (i.e. I have no plan.)
Wow factor (often combined by some of my American colleagues with 'This is phenomenal')
Optimise the solution (i.e. what we've decided is crap so we have to make the best of it)
Leverage our strengths (i.e. I don't know what they are so perhaps someone will now tell me)
Low-hanging fruit (i.e. it's a lot easier and we can go home early)
Let's put this behind us and move forward (i.e. it's not my idea so wait until I've thought of something)
My door is always open (i.e. I don't trust you so I need to keep an eye on you)
Granularity (i.e. you are going to have to explain it in infinite detail because I am thick)
Doubleplusgood (someone has beenreading too much Orwell)
... and a good one that I actually like: "Proactive instead of reactive" - more people should try this.
I aim to start working independently in a few months after a long time working for big companies ... the sooner the better as far as I am concerned.
[cite]Posted By: stonemuse[/cite]Other very annoying phrases:
Let's not go into "Solution Mode" yet (i.e. I have no plan.)
Wow factor (often combined by some of my American colleagues with 'This is phenomenal')
Optimise the solution (i.e. what we've decided is crap so we have to make the best of it)
Leverage our strengths (i.e. I don't know what they are so perhaps someone will now tell me)
Low-hanging fruit (i.e. it's a lot easier and we can go home early)
Let's put this behind us and move forward (i.e. it's not my idea so wait until I've thought of something)
My door is always open (i.e. I don't trust you so I need to keep an eye on you)
Granularity (i.e. you are going to have to explain it in infinite detail because I am thick)
Doubleplusgood (someone has beenreading too much Orwell)
... and a good one that I actually like: "Proactive instead of reactive" - more people should try this.
I aim to start working independently in a few months after a long time working for big companies ... the sooner the better as far as I am concerned.
Absolutely not, at the end of the day the change will be impactful leading to a next-generation pardigm shift in my work patterns - I intend to ramp up and get traction by moving the goalposts and thereby leveraging a greater share of the wallet and reducing attrition rates.
I reached my personal nadir at a conference last week when I met someone whose actual job title was "Technology Evangelist" - I really struggled to keep a straight face. He was, of course, a Yank and, of course, a complete wanker.
[cite]Posted By: Ormiston Addick[/cite]I reached my personal nadir at a conference last week when I met someone whose actual job title was "Technology Evangelist" - I really struggled to keep a straight face. He was, of course, a Yank and, of course, a complete wanker.
Hahaha - that's becoming much more common in technology or tech-heavy companies. It's shorthand for:
"Jim here's been around a while (ever since vaccuum valves and punch cards in fact), but still offers nothing of value to the company - so we gave him this non-job until the dummy finally realises his net worth is nil and either quits in shame, dies of old age or a server rack falls on him and crushes him to death"
Quote, RodneyCharltonTrotta: “I think Dave's point is that in a big corp some div will refer to "Andrew" and expect you to know they are talking about the Director when there are dozens of people with that name working there”.
I agree, that's the corporate version of referring to Man Utd as just United and assuming that they are more important than all the other Uniteds.
Quote, Leroy Ambrose: “It's as annoying as people you barely know attempting to try and bridge the intimacy gap between you by referring to their friends”.
I also hate it when big corporations try to “Bridge the intimacy gap” to me as a customer with their marketing drivel thats written to sound all chummy and matey. I don't want to be all pally, with them I just want to buy something (or not).
Quote, Dave Rudd: “Can we have a Charlton Life Mission Statement please”?
I thought we had one; Live , Love, Laugh and be Happy.
Armies of compliance and risk people who engage in endless box ticking exercises, but don't actually seem to do anything other than identify irrelevant "risks" by referring to a check list and ignoring risks that you need to engage your brain to identify. When they do spot one of these things pointless "issues" they then pass it onto some poor sod that is really busy to "solve". There seems to be hundreds of competing groups of these divs, all with the same MO. Is it really that hard to ask customers if they'd like fries with their meal?
The whole first name thing has wound me up for a while. I think it's to imply the speaker has some kind of regular contact with these demi-gods in order to push their own agenda. "Yeah, so Archie and Jonathon really want that to happen so can you just process it, pronto".
Suspecting that neither of them could give half a shit about this thing I try and invent even more chummy names for them so that I'm seen as even more "in". "Check! Get Johnnyboy and A-dog to page me on my blueberry and I'll make that happen as soon as I have their sign off".
Oh yeah, and when did an email or text become a sign off?
[cite]Posted By: Dave (no surname necessary)[/cite]AFKA,
Can we have a Charlton Life Mission Statement please?
And maybe some Core Values?
How about drafting some 2011 Deliverables (with time-scales and metrics to allow quantification of success)? I'd be happy to chair a small working group to scope things out.
Dave, appreciate ideas showers from any of our product evangelists; it incentivises me, and it incentivises you, and it definately appears something that would improve our end-to-end product.
If your group can draft together some high level principles, we can then touch base off line and look under the bonnet to consider the potential benefit business plan and a modular approach.
Forgive me for being out of the loop, but is your group the systems and controls group, the development group, the complience group, the change and deliverables group, the business intelligence group, the resource and demands group, the steering group or the project group ? And why the hell is this not cascaded down to a sub-group ? And is there in fact anyone who doesn't sit on all of these groups, and the sub-groups ?
That's a decent set of ground rules. You've provided a 'top of the range' frame of reference. Thank you for that.
Leave it with me. I'll speak to Andrew. We may empower a few minions to do the grunt, but we'll get back to you asap. I'll get Jane to calendarise something.
One not on that list that seems to have just exploded in my organisation of late is "call out". No longer can you notify, inform or just tell somebody something it all has to be called out. Why this happened I don't know...
Comments
WOT-UTTER-BOLLOX-THIS-IS!
Also what is Best Practice? And why is it always changing?
I worked in the private sector for years, then went corporate for 4 years, now back to the private sector.
I get more work done now, 'cos I just get on with my job and dont need a 'course' on health and safety when I make a cup of char!![/quote]
Ummmm...The private sector IS corporate, bibble[/quote]
OK then, smaller private companies rather than big corporate companies, I think you new what I meant!!
But the money was good.
Not sure if you are getting my point. I don't think it's about informality and reduction of deference. I have no problem with either of those. It's about the implied 'chuminess' when people refer to the big boss by his first name only. Nothing to do with deference or otherwise ... just sycophantic, toe-curling and downright embarrassing in my book.
I could live with it if the top man had an unusual or unique name, but 'Andrew' ...?
Maybe we'll just agree to disagree? Although we're probably on the same page anyway. Singing from the same hymn sheet at least?
But we are where we are. Let's just move on.
Can we have a Charlton Life Mission Statement please?
And maybe some Core Values?
How about drafting some 2011 Deliverables (with time-scales and metrics to allow quantification of success)? I'd be happy to chair a small working group to scope things out.
We need a pure-play initiative whilst reaching out to all fans to ensure win-win synergies and make sure we are all on the same page - this is evolution not revolution with end-to-end solutions. It's so important to think outside the box and be proactive in our brainstorming.
Just thought I'd flag that up to ensure we are all singing from the same hymn sheet. We need to push the envelope so let's touch base at the end of the day.
Keep me in the loop mate.
I think I can facilitate you so as to make that a deliverable. As belt and braces let's teamwork to deliver some synergies. Who knows we might achieve a paradign shift and this time next FYE be reading Charlton Life 2.0. Innit?
I lolled all the way to the Empowerment Lounge.
You deserve some R&R.
I work for a LA, and some of the so called best value products, contracts etc. are absolutely laughable. If I need to purchase something, I have to go through the head of department, then the finance director and then I have to go through it all again with the purchasing department who then determine 'best bloody value'
I kid you not, there was an item we needed for one of our schemes that we located at Argos. I could have ordered it and had it there the next day. By the time we had gone through the above rigmarole, it took three months to have delivered, and yes you've guessed it it came from Argos!!!!!!
I think we should get a workshop together and blue sky that idea.
Agreed, dont wait to get your ducks in a row.
A few years back,where I currently work,we all had to write our job descriptions.
Every question asked was answered in corporate babble speak. I got a grade rise.
Let's not go into "Solution Mode" yet (i.e. I have no plan.)
Wow factor (often combined by some of my American colleagues with 'This is phenomenal')
Optimise the solution (i.e. what we've decided is crap so we have to make the best of it)
Leverage our strengths (i.e. I don't know what they are so perhaps someone will now tell me)
Low-hanging fruit (i.e. it's a lot easier and we can go home early)
Let's put this behind us and move forward (i.e. it's not my idea so wait until I've thought of something)
My door is always open (i.e. I don't trust you so I need to keep an eye on you)
Granularity (i.e. you are going to have to explain it in infinite detail because I am thick)
Doubleplusgood (someone has beenreading too much Orwell)
... and a good one that I actually like: "Proactive instead of reactive" - more people should try this.
I aim to start working independently in a few months after a long time working for big companies ... the sooner the better as far as I am concerned.
Sounds like a 'lose-lose' situation
Absolutely not, at the end of the day the change will be impactful leading to a next-generation pardigm shift in my work patterns - I intend to ramp up and get traction by moving the goalposts and thereby leveraging a greater share of the wallet and reducing attrition rates.
"Jim here's been around a while (ever since vaccuum valves and punch cards in fact), but still offers nothing of value to the company - so we gave him this non-job until the dummy finally realises his net worth is nil and either quits in shame, dies of old age or a server rack falls on him and crushes him to death"
I agree, that's the corporate version of referring to Man Utd as just United and assuming that they are more important than all the other Uniteds.
Quote, Leroy Ambrose: “It's as annoying as people you barely know attempting to try and bridge the intimacy gap between you by referring to their friends”.
I also hate it when big corporations try to “Bridge the intimacy gap” to me as a customer with their marketing drivel thats written to sound all chummy and matey. I don't want to be all pally, with them I just want to buy something (or not).
Quote, Dave Rudd: “Can we have a Charlton Life Mission Statement please”?
I thought we had one; Live , Love, Laugh and be Happy.
The whole first name thing has wound me up for a while. I think it's to imply the speaker has some kind of regular contact with these demi-gods in order to push their own agenda. "Yeah, so Archie and Jonathon really want that to happen so can you just process it, pronto".
Suspecting that neither of them could give half a shit about this thing I try and invent even more chummy names for them so that I'm seen as even more "in". "Check! Get Johnnyboy and A-dog to page me on my blueberry and I'll make that happen as soon as I have their sign off".
Oh yeah, and when did an email or text become a sign off?
Dave, appreciate ideas showers from any of our product evangelists; it incentivises me, and it incentivises you, and it definately appears something that would improve our end-to-end product.
If your group can draft together some high level principles, we can then touch base off line and look under the bonnet to consider the potential benefit business plan and a modular approach.
Forgive me for being out of the loop, but is your group the systems and controls group, the development group, the complience group, the change and deliverables group, the business intelligence group, the resource and demands group, the steering group or the project group ? And why the hell is this not cascaded down to a sub-group ? And is there in fact anyone who doesn't sit on all of these groups, and the sub-groups ?
Yours from the get-go,
AFKA
That's a decent set of ground rules. You've provided a 'top of the range' frame of reference. Thank you for that.
Leave it with me. I'll speak to Andrew. We may empower a few minions to do the grunt, but we'll get back to you asap. I'll get Jane to calendarise something.
Are you Golfing at the weekend?
David (aka Dave)
Round about the time our visits to the pub became "off-site meetings"!