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Things that crack you up

northstandstevenorthstandsteve
edited August 2010 in Not Sports Related
We were talking at dinner yesterday, about the kids going camping with the scouts next year. The intention of their group is to go to Holland.
NSS Joe asks me how they will get there, i said by coach and Ferry. I said it may be Dover or Harwich. Joe asks what about Woolwich Ferry.Pissed myself laughing quality.
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    arthurarthur
    my sister thought that imigrants came in to the country on the woolwich ferry!
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    Essex_AlEssex_Al
    When I told my daughter (in her younger days) that we were going on the Woolwich Ferry, she said can we have something to eat in the restaurant!
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    I-SAW-POUSO-PLAYI-SAW-POUSO-PLAY
    edited August 2010
    My ex girlfriend thought that the job of a captain in (professional) football was to ring up the other players n ask if they want a game! (true story)
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    AFKABartramAFKABartram
    my little niece asked why i wasn't in my normal seat on saturday so i said i sat with my friend elsewhere, and she thought i had a friend called 'elsewhere' !
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    iainmentiainment
    I convinced my kids when they were younger that a trip on the ferry to N Woolwich was in fact a trip to France.
    Then when we started playing at Upton Park and we got there by the ferry my son twigged, he knew even then that West Ham were a London team.
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    StigStig
    This thread is rapidly getting like Small Talk with Ronnie Corbett. Oh well, here goes anyway:

    When our eldest was first learning to talk, he loved biscuits which he called git-gits. His favourite type was Garibaldis which he called baldy-baldy. One day we were shopping and he was badgering me for biscuits, but I refused to give him any until they were paid for. When we got back to the car park he knew he'd get one and excitedly shouted "Baldy Baldy" at the top of his voice just as a complete slaphead walked past. This guy gave me such a filthy look as if I'd put him up to it, which he must have thought as I couldn't stop laughing.
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    stackitstevestackitsteve
    [cite]Posted By: Stig[/cite]This thread is rapidly getting like Small Talk with Ronnie Corbett. Oh well, here goes anyway:

    When our eldest was first learning to talk, he loved biscuits which he called git-gits. His favourite type was Garibaldis which he called baldy-baldy. One day we were shopping and he was badgering me for biscuits, but I refused to give him any until they were paid for. When we got back to the car park he knew he'd get one and excitedly shouted "Baldy Baldy" at the top of his voice just as a complete slaphead walked past. This guy gave me such a filthy look as if I'd put him up to it, which he must have thought as I couldn't stop laughing.

    Actual LOL moment there Stig
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    GNelsonGNelson
    When I was little I was at my gran's and my uncle was saying at dinner how he needed a job. Not really understanding my response I said to everyone that he should get a blow job. His girlfriend didn't agree... (maybe why they're no longer together...)
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    DA9DA9
    My ex wife when in Corfu on honeymoon, asked me if the moon they had there was the same moon we got at home, I kid you not.
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    Atletico AddickAtletico Addick
    edited August 2010
    [cite]Posted By: DA9[/cite]My ex wife when in Corfu on honeymoon, asked me if the moon they had there was the same moon we got at home, I kid you not.

    I take it at that moment she became your ex... !?
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    DA9DA9
    [cite]Posted By: Atletico Addick[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: DA9[/cite]My ex wife when in Corfu on honeymoon, asked me if the moon they had there was the same moon we got at home, I kid you not.

    I take it at that moment she became your ex... !?

    You would have thought so, but no, I hung for 4 more years before finally giving in :-)
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    carlsbergcarlsberg
    an ex gilfreinds 4 year old sister must have heard me say '' bloody floorboards'' when i farted. I was the only person who laughed at a massive family gathering when she copied it.
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    Stuart_the_RedStuart_the_Red
    My nephew when he was small always asked for a Wee-Wee when he wanted a Kiwi.

    Sitting in a line of slow moving traffic with my grandmother in the car, she said: '"sn't it about time you wiggled that stick in the middle again" pointing to the gear lever.
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    Oggy RedOggy Red
    [cite]Posted By: DA9[/cite]
    I take it at that moment she became your ex... !?

    You would have thought so, but no, I was well hung for 4 more years before finally giving in :-)

    I know, it's hard to live without getting your leg over.

    ;o)
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    revellinitrevellinit
    charlton fan quoted on 1089 yesterday "i did my usual lottery numbers and thought i would do a luck dip as well, it gave me the same set of numbers!"
    Oh really!!!!
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    ElthamaddickElthamaddick
    when I was little my mum always told me that when the ice cream man is playing music, it means he's run out of ice cream.

    I try it now with my 3 yr old but she's far to clever...
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    clivey_heroclivey_hero
    My mate's wife who often gets her words wrong was on a crowded Train to london one day with some friends , when the subject of her husbands decorating came up and she said in loud voice ......."Its all done now and I have got a lovely 'Dildo' rail all around the room "...........................Priceless she is
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    Curb_ItCurb_It
    hahaha. She never. Like that one.
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    McLovinMcLovin
    People with shades on tubes. Daft pricks.
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    RedArmySE7RedArmySE7
    [cite]Posted By: McLovin[/cite]People with shades on tubes. Daft pricks.

    Coffee + Screen!
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    Stu_of_KunmingStu_of_Kunming
    [cite]Posted By: McLovin[/cite]People with shades on tubes. Daft pricks.

    Maybe they want to fit in a quick tube nap, with nobody else noticing.
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    nth_london_addicknth_london_addick
    When after a Tornado had hit some American town , my wife looked up from her paper and said what country sent that there, thinking it was a tornado jet that had caused the destruction
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    MortimericianMortimerician
    When we lose in the cup and people try and suggest it's wonderful news :-)
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    StubleyAddickStubleyAddick
    When we go 3-0 up then lose 4-3!! And then the BBC make it the biggest carling cup story of the night..not the fact that QPR lost to Port Vale 3-1 at home!
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    Folev the redFolev the red
    when pardews southampton, who are nailed on to be promoted, lose on the opening day of the season. :)
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    Ormiston_AddickOrmiston_Addick
    I got my missus to phone the local Catholic church on Christmas Eve and ask them what time midnight mass started at.

    Couldn't believe she actually phoned directory enquiries and got the number of the church and phoned them....
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    boogicaboogica
    [cite]Posted By: northstandsteve[/cite]We were talking at dinner yesterday, about the kids going camping with the scouts next year. The intention of their group is to go to Holland.
    NSS Joe asks me how they will get there, i said by coach and Ferry. I said it may be Dover or Harwich. Joe asks what about Woolwich Ferry.Pissed myself laughing quality.


    Nss took little fella home after his 1st game on saturday the misses said do u want to go to charlton again he said na i wanna go to wembley
    we can all dream i guess .
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    davydavy
    As ive already mentioned in another thread this still cracks me up. It happened a week ago on the train:-

    I was going to London Bridge from Catford the other day and this bloke asked me how to get to Tonbridge from London Bridge. I said that there should be a direct train that leaves London Bridge to Tonbridge. He then said that he wanted to go to Tonbridge in Kent not in Wales. I then started laughing thinking he was joking and he looked at me in a serious look. So I then said yes mate the train from London Bridge goes to Tonbridge in Kent not in Wales. We then got to London Bridge and there was a Tonbridge train waiting on the opposite platform. I said you need to get on that train for Tonbridge. He then looked at the destination board and started saying rather loudly the stations it was calling at:- Chesterfield (which was really Chelsfield), Hillsborough (which was really Hildenborough), Tonbridge and Tunbridge Wells. He then says to me which do I need get off at Tonbridge or Tunbridge Wells? I said get off at Tonbridge and he said oh of course because Tunbridge Wells is in Cambridge isn't it? He then said thanks and boarded the train. I couldn't stop laughing on the way home from London Bridge.
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    ShootersHillGuruShootersHillGuru
    Mates other half when trying to refer to a Mexican standoff called it a Mexican hatstand. Make me smile every time I think of it.
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    JorgeCostaJorgeCosta
    My uncle has always been an evil farter. Not long after he got married he let one out in bed, then said to my aunt "Can you here a noise downstairs? I think we've got burglars. Hide under the blankets in case they come upstairs" She did and nearly chucked up. It always cracks me up whenever they tell the story - she is still a very bitter woman. One day she will get revenge!
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