Mate sent me a scan of this cutting from a newspaper. Don't know if people have seen this already?:
Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things.
I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.
I hung up. A minute later I rang again. "Hello", I said, "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now because I've shot them".
Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus a helicopter and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said, "I thought you said you'd shot them".
To which I replied: "I thought you said there was no one available".
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(General Charlton Oggy???? Admin will Oggy be flogged for his mistake??) ;0)
I called 999, 'I've been burgled', unconcerned voice on the end of the phone 'we will get someone round ASAP but we are very busy, in the meantime here is the crime number, what has been taken', me 'A .303 Lee Enfield Rifle, a .38 Webley revolver and a Sten Mk2 9mm sub-machune gun'. The nee-nars arrived within ten minutes.
To counter the nonsense here, a friend of mine was burgled about three months ago. He has a webcam installed in his house, and the motion sensor got tripped, alerting him via email. When he opened the mail and saw a picture of someone actually in his house at the time he rang the old bill. Within three minutes they were at his gaff (he knows this because he got another motion capture image, with a timestamp, showing the coppers in his front room). They didn't catch them because they'd already left (gavvers think it was an attempted car theft and, not finding the keys within a few seonds, they scarpered).
Three minutes isn't a bad response time though, is it? The problem with burglaries is the police know that, after the fact, there is basically f***-all they can do about it. The chances of catching the culprits are remote to say the least and, unpalatable as it may seem, it's a massive waste of police time to attend a burglary hours after the crime. i guess it all comes down to a question of whether you want the police spending the majority of their time catching criminals, or making you feel better about being burgled.
I must have recieved this as a joke on e-mail at least a year ago, it originally came from America.
Sigh.
I mean they have to stand at bus stops on mass as people cant be trusted to travel without fighting, anyone been Woolwich lately
The Daily Mail, The Daily Telegraph and in every other right-wing miserablist tabloid.
Sigh. It's so obviously a spoof letter. Certainly got a reaction though.
I didn't report it to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than her...
Sigh....
BFR, you've been conspicuous by your absence since Labour lost the election :-)
Am feeling the love round here!!!!
She says oo I can't say
No seriously the presenter says, your husband has already said.
No I couldn't say.
Honestly love he's said already and you can win a luxury cruise
Well... if you say so... up the arse.
Seriously happened to a mate of mine on radio Mr and Mrs in Serbia.
By the way there's a new virus out
THats a good one
Large no need to get upset quite obvious even to me was a joke