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A Joke that may raise a smile in these hard times.

Paddy and murphy are on a cruise ship.
Paddy says 'It's awfully quiet on deck tonight.'
Murphy replys 'Everyone's probably watching the band'
Paddy says 'There isn't a band playing tonight'
Murphy quickly replys 'Well i definitely heard someone say earliar "A band on ship!!"


  • What's brown and sticky?

    Muhammad Ali after opening a can of coke

  • edited March 2010
    Palace fan walks in a pub, asks for an orange juice, still orange? Says the barmaid, "yes I havnt changed my mind".
  • edited March 2010
    Phil Parkinsons attidude is my favourite joke at the moment.
  • [cite]Posted By: CrayAddick[/cite]Phil Parkinson

    Should have waited until 1st April for that one.
  • I know, but the millsmall defeat hurt.
  • I went to get a new tyre today...I asked the geeza how much I owed him... he said give me a score... I replied Millwall 4 Charlton 0, now f-off you torturing git!!
  • English man, Irish man and Scotch man are sitting in a pub debating who has the best local.
    English bloke says in my local for every round of drinks you buy they will give you a free pint, greatest pub there is. I love it!
    Scotch man say in my local for every drink you order they will match it. So you buy 5 pints they will give you an extra 5 pints for free. Great place, best pub in the world!
    Irish bloke goes that's nothing. In my local you never have to buy a drink, and at the end of the night they take you upstairs and you're garenteed a shag.
    The Scotch man and the English guy have to admit that sounds amazing.
    English bloke askes the Irish bloke "Have you ever been there?"
    Irish bloke goes "No... but my sister has"

    I cant believe this is real. The first paragraph is brilliant.

    ''Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.''
  • i read this earlier...

    "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his p**** and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."

    now the police officer must have been an absolute midget; or he very tall or very long?!!
  • lol.....'evasive action'
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  • I'm sorry but she's not much of a copper a swift knee to the mentioned area would have subdued him instantly, and has said before he must be the bloke david haye fought or the copper was janet cranky... fan dabby dossey, is there a pic of the policewoman?
  • There's an Englishman, an Irishman and an American sitting on top of a tall building in New York drinking beer.

    The American turns to the Irishman and says - "I heard if you walk out over the edge of this building, the air currents mean you'll float - I dare you to try it"

    The Irishman says - " I know I'm Irish, but we're not all that stupid - why don't you try it?"

    "Okay" says the American, and he gets up and steps out from the edge of the building. Amazingly he floats and after a minute or so steps back onto the building.

    The Irishman is amazed and asks him how he did it, "It's the air currents, like I told you - go on, try it".

    The Irishman is a pretty tipsy now and decides to give it a go so he gets up and steps out from the edge, but falls several hundred feet to his death. After a silent pause, the Englishman says to the American, with a wry smile on his face, "You're a bastard when you're drunk, Superman".
  • I walked down a road on my way to work today and the houses were numberd 64k 128k 1mb 2mb.... that was a trip down memory lane...

    My mrs was on page 3 today.... tomorrow night were going read to read page 4...

    My mrs said I lack imagination.... so I told her no you lack imagination...that showed her.
  • And then god created saturn... and he liked it so he put a ring on it.
  • a skinny little white guy goes into a lift, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him
    The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound
    Testicles, Turner Brown."
    The white man faints and falls to the floor...
    The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: What's wrong with you?"
    In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
    The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
    The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn around!"
  • Swindon.
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