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Erith Hurricane Appeal

edited September 2006 in Fun, Jokes & Captions
>>A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on
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>>the Richter Scale hit ERITH in the early hours of Friday with its
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>>epicentre
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>in
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>>Northumberland Heath.
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>>
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>> Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaa ckin ell".
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>>
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>>The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately ?30 worth of damage.
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>>
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>>Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa
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>>Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.
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>>
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>>Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
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>>woken well before their giros arrived. North Kent FM reported that
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>>hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still
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>>trying to come
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>to
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>>terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Erith.
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>>
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>>One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 4 said, "It

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>>was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
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>>bedroom crying. She said "Look Mummy, some nasty stuff came down the
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>>chimley and now I'm black all over", I said, "Oh, Shardie, it's
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>>horrible-- mind you, you were already black before it happened". My
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>>youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I
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>>was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next
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>>morning."
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>>
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>>Local cafe owner, - Mario Fortuna, told one of our helpers, "It was er

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>>like the battle of Monte Cassino all,er over again, but thankfully my

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>>cafe was er not damaged. I have been elping out by making and
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>>distributing an old local delicacy -- Mario's Famous Hedgehog Pie".
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>>
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>>Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried

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>>on as normal.
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>>
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>>The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny

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>>Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
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>>still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
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>>personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth

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>>Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
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>>
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>>HOW CAN YOU HELP?
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>>
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>>This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
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>>unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
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>>sought after - items most needed include:
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>>
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>>>Fila or Burberry baseball caps (wrong way round, of course) Hi-Viz
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>>>Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits , or Sari's (female)
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>>>White sport socks with matching cravat Rockport boots and Track Suit
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>>>Bottoms Any other items usually sold in Primark.
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>>
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>>>Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
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>>Required foodstuffs include:
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>>Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Special Brew

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>>or Plastic three litre bottles of White Lightning Cider.
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>>
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>>12p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
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>>?2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
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>>?5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
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>>
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>> **Breaking news**
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>>
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>>Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
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>>'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," Slade Green" said the girl,
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>>"woss sat gotta do wiv you?
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>>
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>>Apparently, nearly a week after the hurricane, people are still
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>>wandering around aimlessly, muttering, "Faaa ckin ell".
«1

Comments

  • about as funny as the thread on NetAddicks about Steve Irwin which was subsequently removed.
  • Large do you laugh at anything?

    Lighten up FFS
  • I think that joke is racist towards Erithers !!! ;-)
  • Ha ha, i just bought a flat in Erith! (subject to a credit check of course) but had a offer accepted!

    I am a potntial Erither!

    Any other Erithers on here???
  • quite amusing until the black reference which was totally unnecessary
  • [cite]Posted By: DA_6[/cite]I think that joke is racist towards Erithers !!! ;-)

    I don't think it's racist, per se. What it's doing is taking the Pizz out of the Chav population of Erith. (And believe me, they do exist) This 'joke' is no different to the one that was doing the rounds a few months ago taking the pizz out of the good folk of Gillingham and Romford. Large might live in the area so, understandably, he could be offended?
  • [cite]Posted By: LargeAddick[/cite]about as funny as the thread on NetAddicks about Steve Irwin which was subsequently removed.

    Errrr, not even comparable.
  • [cite]Posted By: Salad Spinner[/cite]quite amusing until the black reference which was totally unnecessary

    Yet if it was reversed, and was a white reference, no one would bat an eyelid......
  • All this chav stuff was amusing but after being done to death on Little Britain & Catherine Tate, it starts to become vindicitive derision of an underclass; must be time for the backlash soon - eg. Burberyesque T-shirts proclaiming "Chav and proud"!
  • the reference was tasteless, unnecessary and worst of all not funny (unless you consider being black to be funny)

    as opposed for example to the memorable Harry Enfield "I wanna black baby" sketch which was very funny
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  • [quote][cite]Posted By: 04_MCS[/cite]Any other Erithers on here???[/quote]

    Whatever happened to the lovely "Simon from Erith" and his helper ?!
  • [quote][cite]Posted By: Valley_McMoist[/cite][quote][cite]Posted By: DA_6[/cite]I think that joke is racist towards Erithers !!! ;-)[/quote]

    I don't think it's racist, per se. What it's doing is taking the Pizz out of the Chav population of Erith. (And believe me, they do exist) This 'joke' is no different to the one that was doing the rounds a few months ago taking the pizz out of the good folk of Gillingham and Romford. Large might live in the area so, understandably, he could be offended?[/quote]

    As stated I do live on the NorthHeath/Barnehurst borders but have an 'Erith' address. When most people say Erith they think of the area around the Larner Road area, the three tower blocks, which is certainly Chav area and I'm surprised the 15 year old mentioned has only four kids. However, there are some nice areas of Erith, adjacent to Barnehurst for example, which certainly isn't chavvy. Plus I've never been to Majorca or the Costa del Sol.
  • Changed to "Earthquake in Dubai"

    She said "Look Mummy, some nasty stuff came out of the flour bags and now I'm white all over",

    I said, "Oh, Shardie, it's horrible-- mind you, you were already white before it happened".


    Would you moan about that too?
  • Thatt is still devoid of any wit so what is there is no point in this, joke-wise?
    It just sounds like you think that being black is funny
  • only that with the way teutonic plates are arranged an earthquake in Dubai is less likely than one in Erith.
  • [cite]Posted By: Salad Spinner[/cite]Thatt is still devoid of any wit so what is there is no point in this, joke-wise?
    It just sounds like you think that being black is funny

    I give up, especially seeing as I didnt write the joke anyway!
  • [cite]Posted By: Medders[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: Salad Spinner[/cite]Thatt is still devoid of any wit so what is there is no point in this, joke-wise?
    It just sounds like you think that being black is funny

    I give up, especially seeing as I didnt write the joke anyway!


    Dont worry mate, made me chuckle!
  • F..king hell its a JOKE !!!

    I thought it was funny
  • edited September 2006
    How about this...

    Three girls go out one night and get really wasted. At the end of the night they part ways and promise to meet the next morning for a big greasy breakfast. The next morning all three girls show up looking much the worse for ware and being to re-tell their various adventures in heading home.

    "When I walked through the front door" the first girl starts "I made it about three steps before lying down and blowing chunks for about 15mins".

    The other girls agreed that yes, that was pretty bad.

    Then the second girl claimed she could top that. "When I was leaving I thought it would be a good idea to drive my car home, and I subsequently wrapped it round a tree and wrote it off. I'm lucky to be here".

    The other two were shocked.

    Thinking she could top even that the third girl piped up, "well, when I got home I put the stove on to make some eggs and passed out, forgetting about them and burnt out half my kitchen".

    There was a stunned silence until the first girl coughed and said "I dont think you guys understand, Chunks is the name of my dog!"
  • Cue Large and SaladSpinner complaining about animal cruelty...... ;-)
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  • Medders, I'm more concerned about the spelling mistakes and poor grammer. I mean 'chunks' should have a capital C for starters. And 'ware' should be 'wear'. If you are going to tell a joke it should at least be grammatical.
  • Its called copy and pasting.

    Plus internet message boards, chat rooms, instant messengers etc etc etc are all INFORMAL methods of communication, so my spelling and grammer make fuck all difference :)
  • [cite]Posted By: cafcpolo[/cite]so my spelling and grammer make fuck all difference :)

    Isn't it grammar?
  • No idea? English isnt my strong point Daniel.

    Better ask Large although I see he made the same mistake if so. If your gonna criticise at least get it right fella...Tsk tsk.
  • Polo, you are damn right there, good call
  • Give him some slack. He has to sit next to Golfie!!!
  • [cite]Posted By: cafcpolo[/cite]Its called copy and pasting.

    Plus internet message boards, chat rooms, instant messengers etc etc etc are all INFORMAL methods of communication, so my spelling and grammer make fuck all difference :)

    Calm down, calm down. It was meant as a joke to Medders retort. Wish I had not bothered now. BTW, how do I get previous comments into nice little yellow boxes.
  • Yeah, thats true! So Large...Is he as bad in person as on the MB? Gloom & doom, moaning, etc?
  • oh I have without really knowing how.
  • 'BTW, how do I get previous comments into nice little yellow boxes.'

    Yeah i wanna know this too!
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