I first went to Charlton in early 1963 and have loved the club ever since. I cannot claim to be as "ultra" as some in that I played sport myself as a younger man so did not watch them then although fortunately for me we played a number of games on Friday nights back then so I saw more than I would have done. I also have only been a very occasional away supporter and only spasmodically attended during our exile.
However despite all that I feel a deep love for Charlton and watched a lot of second and third division games before our glorious times in the Premiership under Curbishley.
Last night, ironically just as I saw AFKA come out of the gents as I was going in, I experienced something of a Damascus moment. I thought to myself I really cannot watch the destruction of all the hard work after so many years of finally getting to the top level.
I hope the feeling is just a temporary frustration in the aftermath of an extremely disappointing match but there are important non-footballing things impacting and I really don't know if I need the upset of Charlton imploding too right now.
Am I a plastic rat contemplating leaving a sinking ship or am I articulating what others are feeling deep inside if they are honest with themselves?
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I swore last night i would not be back to the new year due to other commitments.
If i can stick to this remains to be seen.
I will never ever walk away from the club I love.
Our support is not as fully committed as other places, largely because we haven't got the geographical identity that teams in towns get. I'm one who i know will be sticking it out no matter what, but if the downturn continues for much longer then there won't be many like me left.