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Need some help/advice

Wasn't sure whether to post this or not but thought it was worth a shot and at a pretty low point in my life at the minute so nothing to lose.

Just wondering whether anyone had any short term work going at the minute, preferably evenings and weekends. Don't wish to give a full dragged out life story but 10 days ago I lost my mum. She had been ill for a few months but the death itself still came as a huge shock. Me and my brother hadn't realised how bad things had got and she has left very little money. There are debtors calling (you literally won't believe how some of them are acting) and we need to fund a funeral.

My brother has taken on a second job and I think its only fair I do the same being the eldest. She was a wonderful woman who deserved a good send off and having explored other avenues, I don't think we can get much help. Realise borrowing money off friends is one of those things that creates a very awkward situation, but still surprised by how some of my so called friends have distanced themselves from me expecting me to ask.

I am not asking for a hand out, I will work for anything anyone can offer me. Its not an ideal situation as I also have a 11 year old sister to care for but I didn't know where else to go. Not sure I can get any sort of loan out or anything given my credit rating is not the greatest and my brother is only 17, we are just looking to knuckle down and try to raise as much as possible over the next week or so to get the funeral sorted. I will do any old job and for any amount.

The last year has been the worst of my life, lost my nan, my grandad, my aunt and now my mum. I wouldn't bother getting out of bed in the morning if it wasn't for my sister, she deserves for me to give my best.

Thanks for any advice in advance, sorry to depress you all!

Steve

Comments

  • Absolutely gutted to hear that, my thoughts are with you mate.
  • edited March 2017
    Sorry to hear that.

    I don't have any regular work but I do have a loft that I've noticed is full of stuff I haven't touched for years and I was considering paying someone to have a clear out.

    Do you drive by any chance? I can help sort out the stuff that needs to go to the tip but then i was going to hire someone to get the stuff downstairs and into a motor and get it to the tip.

    If you drive and have a car that would be perfect. If not we can maybe sort something out where you just come and help get the stuff down from the attic, load up the car or van and he'll unload at the tip....
  • Do you drive by any chance?

    I do, a piece of crap but it just about gets me from A to B
  • Great, I re-edited my post to be a bit more descriptive.

  • Great, I re-edited my post to be a bit more descriptive.

    I'll send you a PM. Cheers mate, really appreciate the response.
  • edited March 2017
    I know it may not be the kind of thing you want to be focusing on, but I'm wondering if any lifers may be able to give you some advice about the debts? I don't know anything other than what I've gathered via a cursory Google, so I'm not much help I'm afraid.

    I know that collection agencies can be nasty at the best of times though, and I don't hold much hope of them being particularly sympathetic, but I'd hate to think they're making this time even more difficult than it needs to be. I'd also hate to think of them putting pressure on you to do something that goes against the priorities of you, and your younger siblings.
  • Citizens' Advice?
  • Oh Steve, I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't help with putting any work your way, but I would suggest having a look at the Money Advice Service page on dealing with a deceased relative's debts, and if you can, getting in touch with a debt advisor to help you sort out how to prioritise what needs to be paid off. https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/dealing-with-the-debts-of-someone-who-has-died

    Before she got ill, did your Mum work? If she was in a union, they may have benevolent funds that you could try claiming from to help with the funeral expenses. If she was a member of a pension scheme, then there may be a lump sum payment that you're eligible for. Might not be much, but every little helps.

    As for your friends distancing themselves, it may not be that they're worried you're going to ask them for money, more that they just don't know what to say, and rather than risk putting their foot in it, they're bottling out. It's not uncommon with sudden deaths, even when there aren't financial pressures involved, especially when those concerned are fairly young and haven't had to deal with it before. Hopefully they'll get their acts together soon.
  • Sorry to hear about your situation. Wasn't too long ago a whip round helped a young lady pay for her father's funeral, so don't be afraid to ask.

    Try an employment agency... Can probably pick up a job right there right then. Possibly cleaning or unloading trucks but it's money.
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  • McBobbin said:

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Wasn't too long ago a whip round helped a young lady pay for her father's funeral, so don't be afraid to ask.

    Try an employment agency... Can probably pick up a job right there right then. Possibly cleaning or unloading trucks but it's money.

    its not me to ask for hand outs, I just needed some help and I guess motivation as I am really struggling at the moment.

    Thanks for the help above, will look into it all.
  • Sorry for your loss.
    On the debts side, they then fall to the estate. The exceptions may be if there was a guarantor or some form of security on the loan. Is there any insurance that might cover the debt? This sums up the position https://moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/dealing-with-the-debts-of-someone-who-has-died

    If you are getting aggravation, the law is your friend. Find out their names and who they work for and tell any overbearing debt collectors they are harrassing you and tell them you will report them for offences under the Harassment Act 1997.

    Neither you, personally, nor anyone else other than the estate or guarantors are liable for anyone else's debt.
  • vffvff
    edited March 2017
    Sorry for your loss.

    Try giving a call to the statutory funerals section of your local Council. The Statutory funerals officer will be able to offer some support & advice regarding the funeral & costs. Call up the main Council switchboard to get through to them. The officer may also suggest other local advice organisations that can help. The Council internet home pages may provide detail of who the officer is and what service support provided.

    Try National Debtline to help get a grip / control of debts. They will be able to offer advice on your mum's debt. Also some advice on managing your own money & avoiding building up debt for you & your brother in the future.

    Good luck with all of it
  • Sorry for your loss.
    The following may not be for you so apologies if you take offence but....
    Have you already signed with a funeral director?
    The local authority has a duty to (sorry for the term) 'dispose of the body' of anyone who passes away within their border.
    I know recently, someone passed away and nobody was able/willing to take responsibility for the funeral.
    This happened in Greenwich. They have a department which arranged a simple, but dignified funeral. There was a normal hearse but no following fd cars and a cremation service at falcon-wood. They also appointed someone to conduct the service who contacted those closest to the deceased for information on them and hymns/prayers etc.
    The council then has first dibs into their estate to recover their costs.
    I'm sure other authorities would do similar.
    But if you've signed with a fd, then I believe there's not much that can be done.
  • Sorry to hear about what you are going through.

    When my brother in law died, my sister was eligible for a one off widows payment. I will ask my sister how she applied and what process she went through. I appreciate that you are not a widow but you might be able to get something similar
  • Sorry about your mum.

    Some good advice above especially about it not being your debt and speaking to debt advisors.

    Stay strong
  • Sorry for your loss and to hear you're having a tough time. I lost my Mum last year and still finding it tough so understand what you're going through.

    If your Mum's estate is insolvent the debts get written off. Don't pay anything.

    Get organised. Make a list of everything owed. Does your Mum have a will?

    You also need to grieve and come to terms with things as well so give some time to yourself or you'll go into meltdown. You also need to be strong for your young sister - it's a terrible age to lose a mother.

    For a bit of extra money maybe try refereeing 5a side at a Goals or Powerleague. Not brilliant money but easy and a bit of cash in hand.
  • Sent DM
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  • So sorry to hear of your stream of bad news Steve, and RIP your Mum. What area do you live in, I still have a lot of Fb friends in SE London/Kent and I can try posting something on there?
  • Sorry to hear about what you are going through.

    When my brother in law died, my sister was eligible for a one off widows payment. I will ask my sister how she applied and what process she went through. I appreciate that you are not a widow but you might be able to get something similar

    Have a look at gov.uk
  • Just read this, literally the worst thing i could imagine. Well done for dealing with it head on and all the best, its impossible to advice in this situation but your sister and brother are lucky to have you and just remember that and hopefully that will give you the strength moving forward.

    All The best
  • Thanks for all the help/advice above, I will get moving forward with getting some of the debts written off/contacting them to see what the score is.

    I am extremely humbled at the support I have received. I have received advice, offers of donations and I can see many of you were willing to help in any way you could. I will be eternally grateful for this, was in a right mess yesterday and the support received has really boosted me.

    I got an offer this morning from a friends dad of a lump sum where I can work in a scrapyard over the weekends for the next few months as repayment. Not really my thing but an offer I couldn't refuse and has saved me.

    I can start to move forward now, I will take your advice on board and try not to bury my head in the sand too much.

    I felt guilty asking for support, not sure I have ever really contributed to much and am not a regular poster on here as such. I have changed a lot as a person over the last few months and I really hope I can help some of you guys out in the future in anyway I can.

    Thanks again for all the kind words and offers I have received over the last 12 hours, made me realise what a great forum this is.

    Steve

    Well done mate, and you tried to do something positive which is all you can do
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