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I cannot believe you have just done that moments.

When we were about 19/20, we used to frequent The Guy Earl of Warwick. The guvnor was emigrating and laid on a spread by way of emptying his freezer. My mate saw rich pickings and scuttled off. When he came back he said and I quote " There were pigs trotters at the end of the bar and as I had not tried them before, I thought I would give them a crack. I said to the bloke next to me, they have not got much meat on them have they? You are munching on the chewed ones son, the old girls have beaten you to them".
Pass the bucket.
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  • Drinking a pint of slops (including the lemon slices) in the Liberal Club at the end of a good old Sunday session a few year back, I was sick for a week and it was one of the only times I missed a days graft because of a hang-over. It started a bit of a craze though!
  • Oh dear. If you combined that with the munched on trotters big rob, me thinks you may have missed one more day!
  • edited April 2013
    .
  • When I was seven i was in the school playground. I had a small toy car in a carrier bag and was swinging around in a circle so the car was flying in the air. The car accidentally hit another boy in the head and burst a blood vessel. After the ambulance had left.... I got a big telling off by the teacher.
  • edited April 2013
    A mate of mine fished my half eaten fried chicken wing out of a public bin in Lewisham before proceeding to finish it off.
    I nearly threw up.
  • Smashed my best mate over the head with a saucepan during a cookery class at school, knocking him out.

    Looked a pretty violent assault to be honest but wasn't intended, had meant to stop before connecting. Still not convinced he was knocked out and was putting it on to get sent home.

    Got a lecture from Mrs Sawyer that I would end up a football hooligan and got a detention. Probably these days I would have been expelled and attending anger management classes with.my social worker.
  • I answered the Office door to help reception out on one occasion and it was the wife of a client I once dealt with but hadn't for some years.

    How's **** doing I asked to make polite conversation?

    He died in January was the reply (it was about 6 months later).

    Very embarrassing for all sorts of reasons.
  • At school I once pulled the chair away from the kid next to me as he was about to sit down. He ended up cracking his head open needing about twelve stitches. I ended up doing a month of detentions. He was a really nice fella as well, and saw the funny side of it when he came back to school, even though he probably still has the scar to this very day.
  • At about 12 I was right into fishing, and during one trip that was not so good I decided to practice my casting along the bank, that's when I decided to strike instead of just reeling the lead weight in and watched the weight fly through the air before making contact with my own eye and cutting open my eyelid, didn't do that again!
  • Sitting in my mum's living room with an air rifle through the window shooting tins cans off the shed, when I saw a blue tit in the tree, took aim, and managed to hit the poor the little fella. I have never ever ever felt as bad as I did that day. We wrapped him up in a tea towel and took him up the wildlife centre to see if they could save him, I hope they did. From that day on I have never picked up any sort of gun again.
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  • Similar to creepy. I think I've said it on here in the past. It's my one real regret in life. I was skipping stones across a pond once and, for a laugh, took aim at a group of ducks, telling my mate I was going to kill one. Of course, despite not being able to hit the proverbial barn door with a shovel, and these duck being tiny targets 50 yards away, the first stone I lozzed at them took about four skips before landing straight on the nut of one of them - promptly killing it.
  • Similar to creepy. I think I've said it on here in the past. It's my one real regret in life. I was skipping stones across a pond once and, for a laugh, took aim at a group of ducks, telling my mate I was going to kill one. Of course, despite not being able to hit the proverbial barn door with a shovel, and these duck being tiny targets 50 yards away, the first stone I lozzed at them took about four skips before landing straight on the nut of one of them - promptly killing it.

    If that's my one real regret by the end of my life I'd be very proud of myself indeed! It must suck being inadvertently responsible for injuring an animal but people do things a million times worse - and mean to - every day.
  • Locked the school care taker in the cupboard and hid the keys. Turns out the school cctv cameras were working after all.
  • edited April 2013
    Was on a school trip in austria years ago, in a three story house four of us were throwing around a plum. I threw the plum at a mate, he purposely missed it, ended up flying out the window and hit a girl square in the face.
  • teeing off on the 18th at Birchwood on the 1st ever CL golf day....Watching a family of ducks cross my path and still swinging. Poor little decapitated ducklin :(

    Not the birdie I wanted on the hole.
  • In the early 90s, my boss and I started drinking in the Plume of Feathers by Greenwich Park at lunchtimes. There were two cracking girls working brhind the bar, found out their were the landlord's daughters. Anyway, one Friday night after closing time, the potman is picking up glasses and trying to empty the pub. He is at our table, I said to him, forget collecting the glasses and get the landlord's daughters down, to which he replied he was the landlord.

    Exit, door left.
  • We were once all messing around walking to the bus stop after school and a mate was trying to knock my elbow to make me spill a drink I had, so I spun round to give him a little kick on the leg to get him to back off... Only to connect perfectly with his crown jewels. Bloke spent the next hour in agony with me apologising! Was an usher at GIS wedding last year so I think he's finally forgiven me.
  • Sitting in my mum's living room with an air rifle through the window shooting tins cans off the shed, when I saw a blue tit in the tree, took aim, and managed to hit the poor the little fella. I have never ever ever felt as bad as I did that day. We wrapped him up in a tea towel and took him up the wildlife centre to see if they could save him, I hope they did. From that day on I have never picked up any sort of gun again.

    That sounds like a pretty rough thing to go through. Oh well, lesson learnt!
  • Hid round the corner and pulled the trigger on the fire extinguisher at college right as a little shit of a kid walked into the corridor.

    Why does it always hit them in the eye. He spent the next few hours in a&e and come in the next day with an eye patch.
  • Hid round the corner and pulled the trigger on the fire extinguisher at college right as a little shit of a kid walked into the corridor.

    Why does it always hit them in the eye. He spent the next few hours in a&e and come in the next day with an eye patch.

    Wouldn't have been so bad if you weren't the deputy head.
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  • Was better than giving him detention. He soon learnt his lesson
  • Was in IT for years and back in the day (early 80's) could regularly end up with 20 odd blokes on a 12 hr night shift bored out of their mind and looking for stupid stuff to do. I will preface this story with the fact that this was before the widespread 24/7 cctv and security coverage that we all live with today. As I had assumed a modicum of seniority at this point (yep, it was a surprise to me as well...), I decided to "test" the trainees one long God awful Sunday night. We gave the two of them a half hour start and told them to hide anywhere in the building (a 32 story tower in the City I won't name). The remainder of us split into teams and armed with the Co2 extinguishers set off on the hunt. At about 2 in the morning my "team" tracked down one of the poor sods to a cupboard on the 11th floor. Cordoning off the scene, we removed the red safety and let the extinguishers rip into the cupboard. It was a practical lesson to us all as to how this sort of fire apparatus works, as after a few concentrated blasts into the opening we threw open the door to see what I can only describe as a white and motionless corpse huddled in the corner. For that split couple of seconds I had the deep sickening feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that we had actually killed our quarry. As we all panicked, pulling the frozen victim out and laying him huddled on the floor, he slowly started moving and to our relief broke into a broad grin, absolutely covered in a white chemical powder residue. Very sobering experience and it should of taught us a lesson of course. However that's another story...
  • edited April 2013
    A tongue in cheek post...
  • In the early 90s, my boss and I started drinking in the Plume of Feathers by Greenwich Park at lunchtimes. There were two cracking girls working brhind the bar, found out their were the landlord's daughters. Anyway, one Friday night after closing time, the potman is picking up glasses and trying to empty the pub. He is at our table, I said to him, forget collecting the glasses and get the landlord's daughters down, to which he replied he was the landlord.

    Exit, door left.

    Was one of them called Maria ? Maria Rose ? I used to hang out with her when we were in our late teens, back in the early 80's.
  • edited April 2013
    Too many secrets on here! Getting done with transsexual porn by a mate was up there !
  • About 6 years ago I went to a friends birthday drinks at some Sam Smiths pub near Soho, where he introduced me to an old friend of his. We were getting along quite well, until I gave him a friendly shove for making an awful joke... he ended up tripping over the stool behind him so, trying to be helpful, I grabbed his arm to stop him falling, ripping it out of the socket in the process.

    He left in an ambulance, and I haven't been invited out by the same group of mates since.
  • Monday morning. Got in the lift at work after a tough Sunday afternoon on beer and curry. I tried not to, but I let a silent one go. It was vile.......putrid. Everyone was embarrased and squirming. I was the first one out of the lift and, as I got out, I turned around to the others in the lift and said "I don't know who did that, but they should get to a Doctor's straight away! " Got away with it!
  • In my youth I worked for a company which in those days employed a bevvy of secretaries to service the bosses but who kept themselves aloof from us plebs. I was on the phone when the MD's stunning looking, but mature secretary came in to our room and my mate showed her to a filing cabinet which she opened and started looking for papers. As I put the phone down I saw she was gone and asked "What was Sheila looking for - a good knobbing? "I beg your pardon" came a voice as she came into view from behind the cabinet.
  • edited April 2013
    Picked up a pencil and stabbed it into the hand resting on the desk of the boy sitting next to me at Primary school. I had no previous, we had no issues between us and I still don't know why I did it. I guess I must just be a psycho...he still had a black mark on the back of his hand years later.
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