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Doing right for your family - Following On From

edited July 2008 in Not Sports Related
Northstand Steve's post earlier I think we've all felt inadequate at times when it comes to doing the best for your family.

The traditional role of the man is as hunter, gatherer and provider which in 21st century speak means earn a good wage.

We made a decision that one of us would always be available to look after our children. I'm a total failure in terms of earning lots of money so that meant sacrifices in other areas.

Two of my daughters have degrees and postgrad qualifications and have got decent jobs. The third got excellent GCSEs and is awaiting AS results.

That might sound good but as a man you still wonder if you've done enough. My oldest two are burdened with loan debts because although I gave them what I could it wasn't enough. My boss for example bought properties in the areas his children went to university and saved them the rent. I wasn't good enough as a man to do that. My oldest two went to a grammar school and I still remember how awful I felt when my oldest came home and told me that she was the only child in her class not to have a computer at home. I felt I'd really let her down and bought one as soon as I could although it was a skoda rather than a roller! At the same time I questioned my inadequacy as an economic provider since material possessions and nice holidays seemed to be momentarially more important than having a parent around when they got in from school. In the long term though perhaps we were right. Who knows?

I guess what I'm trying to say (albeit badly) is that you have to honestly do what you think is right for your family within your means and do your best to achieve it. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say yes I've done my best then you can do no more.

You'll still blame yourself from time to time though. Steve you are not on your own!

Comments

  • It's the way of the World, that not everyone earns the same. I think in this day and age we expect to have far too much in terms of physical possessions. Some people spend their lives chasing their tails just to by newer, bigger, faster, shinier whatevers only to look back and say, "what was all that about"? The way the world is going it may be that people in future generations look back and think that we all had ridiculous wealth, even those who were relatively low wage earners could afford cars! Wow, there's not been many generations in history where that's the case.

    I'm sure you did a great job, and I'd guess that deep down you know that as well. There's far more important things than money. I can remember being the last kid in my class to have a colour tv, there's no way I thought any less of my Dad because of that. He loved me and always did what he could. You love your daughters and you do your best by them, I don't see that there's anything else they can reasonably expect.

    p.s. I had a Skoda for my first car - it was great, it got us about and that's what mattered.
  • know how you feel

    Wont go into it but live is a struggle and always feel bad for the kids when it comes to School trips abroad or this or that £450 for this or £800 for that

    Its hard
  • Life is about the choices you make. Not only for you but for your loved ones. Hopefully when u stand before than man you have made more good choices than bad.None of us can say at the time of that choice if it is the correct one, only time will tell.

    The mere fact that peopleon here are worried about these choices etc shows that at least they care, far to many these days does dont .
  • Very True GH
  • Its better to care and not have money than have money and not care. Sounds like you're doing just fine.
  • [cite]Posted By: Goonerhater[/cite]Life is about the choices you make. Not only for you but for your loved ones. Hopefully when u stand before than man you have made more good choices than bad.None of us can say at the time of that choice if it is the correct one, only time will tell.

    The mere fact that peopleon here are worried about these choices etc shows that at least they care, far to many these days does dont .

    I didn't realise you was such a big old softie really GH :-)
  • I am moving my family to kuwait, mainly because it will give my son a very good education paid for by my new company.

    It wasnt a decision we took lightly, but the lifestyle, the weather (ok not in july and August 122F+) and the standard of living for the whole family it was worth the risk, even if we have to compromise on some of the things we have here
  • [cite]Posted By: Goonerhater[/cite]Life is about the choices you make. Not only for you but for your loved ones. Hopefully when u stand before than man you have made more good choices than bad.None of us can say at the time of that choice if it is the correct one, only time will tell.

    The mere fact that peopleon here are worried about these choices etc shows that at least they care, far to many these days does dont .

    I said the same thing to my Mother this morning, no way was I a shining example but you do what you think is right for your loved one`s, but the at the end of the day they make their own choices, mine, all with families of their own now did us both proud.
  • *Left everything here for my wife,19 years ago
    *after 3 years of struggle left there for here. Not knowing if she could hake it and worse than potless.Arrived back with £200 a credit card. My own flate and no job.
    *worked our balls off to get a modest hse.
    * went into huge debt again.
    *Took every work opertunity that came my way. Mostly not knowing if i would sink or swim.
    * Walk out on high paid job to do my own thing.
    * Brought shares (mostly guess work)
    * Paid off the mortgage leaving us a bit skint.
    * will except the contact in Doha, hate idea of leaving Mrs for 6 weeks at a time.

    Never knew if any of the above was the correct thing to do.Many many sleepless nites along the way. Consider myself a very lucky guy that they did work out.

    Choices/opertunities yes/no what if ? sometimes you take the leap in the dark, and sometimes u cant take that leap because the risk is to big re your loved ones if it fails.
  • Love is so much more important than Money Len - Your experience sounds very similar to my parents and I can safely say that I have the best parents in the world - I bet your daughters would disagree with me however.
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  • [cite]Posted By: LenGlover[/cite]Northstand Steve's post earlier I think we've all felt inadequate at times when it comes to doing the best for your family.

    The traditional role of the man is as hunter, gatherer and provider which in 21st century speak means earn a good wage.

    We made a decision that one of us would always be available to look after our children. I'm a total failure in terms of earning lots of money so that meant sacrifices in other areas.

    Two of my daughters have degrees and postgrad qualifications and have got decent jobs. The third got excellent GCSEs and is awaiting AS results.

    That might sound good but as a man you still wonder if you've done enough. My oldest two are burdened with loan debts because although I gave them what I could it wasn't enough. My boss for example bought properties in the areas his children went to university and saved them the rent. I wasn't good enough as a man to do that. My oldest two went to a grammar school and I still remember how awful I felt when my oldest came home and told me that she was the only child in her class not to have a computer at home. I felt I'd really let her down and bought one as soon as I could although it was a skoda rather than a roller! At the same time I questioned my inadequacy as an economic provider since material possessions and nice holidays seemed to be momentarially more important than having a parent around when they got in from school. In the long term though perhaps we were right. Who knows?

    I guess what I'm trying to say (albeit badly) is that you have to honestly do what you think is right for your family within your means and do your best to achieve it. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say yes I've done my best then you can do no more.

    You'll still blame yourself from time to time though. Steve you are not on your own!

    Lovely post Len- Steve listen to him.

    When all is said and done- the kids will appreciate/recognise/know all you have done for them.

    One day when you are old and not quite up to it- they'll prove the point...........
  • You guys are killing me!

    I think we need to open up a section entitled Dear Afka!
  • The fact that you give a shit puts you head and shoulders above a whole swathe of the population (unfortunately) so give yourself a pat on the back.
  • ooooh Curb It ya hard incha eh - - LOL
  • edited July 2008
    take my girlfriends ex, won't take their daughter to activities that she wants to do (dance class thingy every weekend) cos he wants his time with her - you can understand it a bit but its hardly putting her first - never mind paying even a share for anything like that (the tight git). Moans he doesn't have enough time with her, yet palms her off to his Mums at the slightest inconvenience.
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