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In a parallel universe....

Bit of Friday fun:

The ref blew up for the blatant handball against Fulham and we stayed in the Premiership

Gazza was two inches taller and connected with that last gasp cross against Germany in Euro 1996

Waddles shot went in off the post against Germay in Italia 1990

Blair realised the WMD dossier was s3xed up and persuaded Bush to chill and go via the UN diplomacy route

The Banking industry made deals that paid off so significantly that the world enjoyed a sustained economic boom, creating millions of jobs and raising standards of living for billions

Simon Cowell became a plumber

MP's felt too embarrassed to claim expenses realising they were earning treble the national wage

MP's answered questions directly and candidly and apologised when they made mistakes much to the delight of the public

Millwall home and away was called off

Scott Parker refused Chelsea's wooing and led Charlton on a European tour which culminated in a certain unkown Lionel Messi enjoying a loan spell with the club and later stating that it was the highlight of his career



What would have happened in your parallel universe?

Comments

  • anything that could happen, does happen somewhere, in a different universe. every time an issue goes one way instead of the other, it goes the other instead of one way in somewhere else. so says a theory, i think.
  • "The ref blew up for the blatant handball against Fulham and we stayed in the Premiership"


    Another 2 points wouldn't have been enough for us to stay up. :-(
  • Life would be dull if it always went the right way.
  • I just had a lovely mozarella and salami ciabatta, but there was a lot of onions in it. I can't help but wonder what the world would be like had there been less onions.

    I'd also be interested to visit a universe in which people don't either piss about for ages putting bags in the overhead when they get on a plane, or where they don't leap up the second the rubber hits the runway as if they'll be able to leap off and miraculously find their luggage waiting for them at passport control.
  • John Terry's penalty in the CL final went in, which meant I didn't spend the rest of the evening p*ssing myself with laughter.
  • Booze, cigs and kebabs are good for you and exercise and salad hazardous to health

    Women find double chins and moobs attractive and six packs and pecs a turn off
  • Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives got cancelled after the pilots.
  • [cite]Posted By: guinnessaddick[/cite]"The ref blew up for the blatant handball against Fulham and we stayed in the Premiership"


    Another 2 points wouldn't have been enough for us to stay up. :-(

    But in that same parallel universe ........ in the final game of the season Liverpool wouldn't have been given a soft penalty in the last minute to equalise.

    Liverpool would actually have fielded their strongest side the week before against Fulham, and won 3-0.

    In our final home game, Berbatov would have missed and with the score 0-0 ....... Darren Bent would have put us in front against the Spuds, before Judas Defoe put through his own net in the last minute.

    West Scam would have been deducted 9 points for deliberately concealing irregularities in signing Tevez.
    And he would then have been banned from being selected .... so even their great run at the end of the season wouldn't have happened.



    What a great concept ......... in that same parallel universe, Curbs would have taken us to the next level (whatever that was supposed to be), Scotty Parker would still be Charlton skipper and we would have beaten Real Madrid in Europe.
    Or Fulham.
  • Or we merged with palace in 84 became crystal athletic....
  • [cite]Posted By: adamtheaddick[/cite]Or we merged with palace in 84 became crystal athletic....

    Back to the future.
    We wouldn't have seen that coming..... that would've been a right crystal balls-up.
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  • [cite]Posted By: RodneyCharltonTrotta[/cite]Booze, cigs and kebabs are good for you and exercise and salad hazardous to health

    Women find double chins and moobs attractive and six packs and pecs a turn off

    I could live in that universe.

    There would be no reality TV, no crap TV imports, the UK car industry would be churning out cars people would want to buy.
  • Be careful with this parallel universe idea. It can get a bit tricky.

    Many well-respected scientists believe that there are actually an infinite number of universes ... each one slightly different to all others ... and this makes everything possible at some stage in each universe. In one of those parallel universes, we have just won the Champions League. In another, we drew 0-0 with Allenbury's FC in the Herts Senior Cup. In yet another, the New Bird on Countdown is Jo Brand.

    This theory explains why tragic things happen. Things that seem to have no sensible cause or reason to happen. Things we find hard to understand. The explanation is that there is no reason ... they just happen to be a feature of the universe we are in. They have to happen somewhere.

    The theory goes that the only universe you are aware of is the one that you are actually in. There is a very similar 'you' in other universes but, because they are not exactly 'you' (there is only one 'you'), you are unaware of them.

    Personally, I think it's all bollocks. Especially the Jo Brand bit. But there is published research on it. But then, there would be ... somewhere ... wouldn't there?
  • [cite]Posted By: Dave Rudd[/cite]Personally, I think it's all bollocks. Especially the Jo Brand bit. But there is published research on it. But then, there would be ... somewhere ... wouldn't there?

    Only in a parallel universe. And I'm reading it, right now. Somewhere.
  • [quote][cite]Posted By: Oggy Red[/cite][quote][cite]Posted By: Dave Rudd[/cite]Personally, I think it's all bollocks. Especially the Jo Brand bit. But there is published research on it. But then, there would be ... somewhere ... wouldn't there?[/quote]

    Only in a parallel universe. And I'm reading it, right now. Somewhere.[/quote]

    Like I said, it can get a bit tricky.
  • edited May 2010
    [cite]Posted By: Bournemouth Addick[/cite]Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives got cancelled after the pilots.

    Overheard on Victoria tube platform today: little bald asian guy to tall, svelte VERY attractive blonde
    "I'm not going to get roped into watching that sex and the city crap, am I?"

    I mean, fair point but she was in a different league - he should be watching Hugh Grant if it means spending time with her!
  • Steve Waggitt is a charity worker...
  • Somewhere in a parallel universe I am busy tapping out a compelling response to Dave Rudd on why there really are parallel universes. Here in this one though, I just can't remember what the argument is.
  • So somewhere Charlton Athletic have just completed a domestic and European quadruple and the Valley is a 70,000 all seater packed every game?
  • edited May 2010
    [quote][cite]Posted By: Eltham[/cite]So somewhere Charlton Athletic have just completed a domestic and European quadruple and the Valley is a 70,000 all seater packed every game?[/quote]

    Yup.

    http://holtz.org/Library/Philosophy/Scientific%20American%20Parallel%20Universes%20-%20Tegmark%202003.htm

    Trouble is, we had to go and pick this universe.

    Still, at least we're not bottom of the Blue Square South.
  • I have much weirder theories than parrallel universes. So weird that I actually got sacked for discussing them with other members of staff. Job was crap anyway lol.
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  • [cite]Posted By: Fortune Costa Fish[/cite]anything that could happen, does happen somewhere, in a different universe. every time an issue goes one way instead of the other, it goes the other instead of one way in somewhere else. so says a theory, i think.

    Indeed it does. The father of Mark Everett, the lead singer of Eels, is now recognised as the world's most important quantum psysicist after founding his theory:

    Parallel Worlds
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