Advice on Parental Leave

cafc_se7 · August 5

Hi All,

As some of you may remember, my lad Archie, who will be 2 in September was born with Cystic Fibrosis.

My employer, as a whole, have been extremely supportive. Where there has been the odd day here and there, where we have had tri-monthly check ups and reviews, they have been relaxed about me being off with no need for booking it.

However, we received the news last week that he has picked up an infection which will require a stay (with me) in Great Ormond Street so that he can undergo intravenous treatment.

My company have this week told me that I need to book it off as annual leave which straight off the bat I have find a bit of a punch in the stomach as thankfully this is the first admission that’s a period of time.

I suppose I am a disappointed in the first instance that there hasn’t even been a middle ground suggested what with the company knowing what the situation is with Archie and again, I really feel like we haven’t taken the pee.

I suppose I am looking for some advice or anything any of you guys may be aware from an employment law perspective. Obviously I appreciate that most of these situations will be dependant on what your contract states.

PrincessFiona · August 5

cafc_se7 said:

Hi All,

As some of you may remember, my lad Archie, who will be 2 in September was born with Cystic Fibrosis.

My employer, as a whole, have been extremely supportive. Where there has been the odd day here and there, where we have had tri-monthly check ups and reviews, they have been relaxed about me being off with no need for booking it.

However, we received the news last week that he has picked up an infection which will require a stay (with me) in Great Ormond Street so that he can undergo intravenous treatment.

My company have this week told me that I need to book it off as annual leave which straight off the bat I have find a bit of a punch in the stomach as thankfully this is the first admission that’s a period of time.

I suppose I am a disappointed in the first instance that there hasn’t even been a middle ground suggested what with the company knowing what the situation is with Archie and again, I really feel like we haven’t taken the pee.

I suppose I am looking for some advice or anything any of you guys may be aware from an employment law perspective. Obviously I appreciate that most of these situations will be dependant on what your contract states.

A lot may depend on your contract and also the practicalities of what you do, how many other staff there are, if you're work/role needs covering by others when you aren't there etc. I think we get 5 days in a rolling 12 months special leave but it can be extended to 10 days in special circumstances - down to the line manager - we have one colleague who is never around and does very little when he is, who managed to for the full 10 days for each parent for several leave and is frequently off for extended periods

I recall a colleague in a previous job years ago getting several Friday afternoons (or it might have been just part-afternoons but may have been every Friday) a month to travel with his girlfriend to see her mum who live oop north somewhere as her mum had terminal cancer. But I also recall this was for months, maybe even a year and people commented that whilst they understood why it was given and were sympathetic, over an extended period it was a lot of cumulative paid time off. It was a nice gesture by the employer but maybe they envisaged it would only be for a short period.

I think the polices come about because it is so difficult to be fair to everyone. Your situation is clearly very challenging and tough for you but from experience, there may be colleagues with slightly less challenging but nonetheless still somewhat challenging circumstances who will ask for the same. SO it is hard for the employer/line manager to be fiar to everyone.

I recall another ex-colleague (at my previous place) who was off for 2 weeks after his wife's mother died then for another 2 weeks. When he asked for more time off, his line manager who was an absolute lioness re supporting her team and doing all she could for their well being said he would have to take annual leave or unpaid leave as he had already had the extended amount. He was unimpressed and just went sick.

Can you maybe offer to make some of the time up so there is a compromise?

Hope it all goes well and that others on here can help with guidance - is there anything under the Disability Act regarding reasonable adjustments when a child has a disability/illness like CF?

EastStand · August 5

Ask your GP to sign you off sick with exhaustion. F*ck your employers man, just heartless.

PrincessFiona · August 5

EastStand said:

Ask your GP to sign you off sick with exhaustion. F*ck your employers man, just heartless.

That is an option. I'm not sure it is completely heartless of them but your GP in an option in the circumstances - the issue might be how they view going sick after being declined paid leave

bobmunro · August 5

There is no legal obligation on your employer to provide paid leave in these circumstances. That isn't necessarily being heartless, a lot depends on the employer's circumstances and as you say they have been very supportive with short absences.

You would be eligible for Parental Leave https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave but this is unpaid unless your employer has policies that state otherwise. I would advise against going sick since you have already asked for the time off - that's normally a red flag to an employer.

I would agree with PF - perhaps suggest a period of annual leave (say one week) and the other week covered by an agreed time back over an extended period.

addickson · August 5

You could make your employer aware of Carer Positive https://www.carerpositive.org/
They might be interested in getting good publicity?

PrincessFiona · August 5

addickson said:

You could make your employer aware of Carer Positive https://www.carerpositive.org/
They might be interested in getting good publicity?

They might be able to give some helpful advice. Are they based in Scotland?

OhMyGodden · August 5

Get the consultant to write a correspondence to them? I know we do them, but it'll mean more work for me when it gets to my department!

Billy_Mix · August 5

PrincessFiona said:

cafc_se7 said:

Hi All,

As some of you may remember, my lad Archie, who will be 2 in September was born with Cystic Fibrosis.

My employer, as a whole, have been extremely supportive. Where there has been the odd day here and there, where we have had tri-monthly check ups and reviews, they have been relaxed about me being off with no need for booking it.

However, we received the news last week that he has picked up an infection which will require a stay (with me) in Great Ormond Street so that he can undergo intravenous treatment.

My company have this week told me that I need to book it off as annual leave which straight off the bat I have find a bit of a punch in the stomach as thankfully this is the first admission that’s a period of time.

I suppose I am a disappointed in the first instance that there hasn’t even been a middle ground suggested what with the company knowing what the situation is with Archie and again, I really feel like we haven’t taken the pee.

I suppose I am looking for some advice or anything any of you guys may be aware from an employment law perspective. Obviously I appreciate that most of these situations will be dependant on what your contract states.

A lot may depend on your contract and also the practicalities of what you do, how many other staff there are, if you're work/role needs covering by others when you aren't there etc. I think we get 5 days in a rolling 12 months special leave but it can be extended to 10 days in special circumstances - down to the line manager - we have one colleague who is never around and does very little when he is, who managed to for the full 10 days for each parent for several leave and is frequently off for extended periods

I recall a colleague in a previous job years ago getting several Friday afternoons (or it might have been just part-afternoons but may have been every Friday) a month to travel with his girlfriend to see her mum who live oop north somewhere as her mum had terminal cancer. But I also recall this was for months, maybe even a year and people commented that whilst they understood why it was given and were sympathetic, over an extended period it was a lot of cumulative paid time off. It was a nice gesture by the employer but maybe they envisaged it would only be for a short period.

I think the polices come about because it is so difficult to be fair to everyone. Your situation is clearly very challenging and tough for you but from experience, there may be colleagues with slightly less challenging but nonetheless still somewhat challenging circumstances who will ask for the same. SO it is hard for the employer/line manager to be fiar to everyone.

I recall another ex-colleague (at my previous place) who was off for 2 weeks after his wife's mother died then for another 2 weeks. When he asked for more time off, his line manager who was an absolute lioness re supporting her team and doing all she could for their well being said he would have to take annual leave or unpaid leave as he had already had the extended amount. He was unimpressed and just went sick.

Can you maybe offer to make some of the time up so there is a compromise?

Hope it all goes well and that others on here can help with guidance - is there anything under the Disability Act regarding reasonable adjustments when a child has a disability/illness like CF?

this could be your best bet

if the employer has been generously accommodating up to now you may have a sympathetic ear with whom this can be discussed
This decision might be disappointing but your employer is under very little obligation - they always also have to consider precedent with other and future employees.
Can you do any of your work remotely? Would any of this be possible in the long hours at the hospital? Are there any existing flexible working arrangements within which you can make up some of the time later?

eaststandmike · August 5

EastStand said:

Ask your GP to sign you off sick with exhaustion. F*ck your employers man, just heartless.

Not as black and white as that, plus if you do it for one person others then expect it. That’s why contracts of employment exist, to protect both parties

Red Riding Hoodie · August 5

If not already done so check out ACAS

bobmunro · August 5

Red Riding Hoodie said:

If not already done so check out ACAS

ACAS will not say anything (of import) that hasn't already been covered on this thread.

addickson · August 5

PrincessFiona said:

addickson said:

You could make your employer aware of Carer Positive https://www.carerpositive.org/
They might be interested in getting good publicity?

They might be able to give some helpful advice. Are they based in Scotland?

My apologies, I thought they covered the whole UK but it is a Scottish only organisation, the equivalent seems to be https://www.employersforcarers.org/

I have sought and got good advice from Carers UK, https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/work-and-career/your-rights-in-work/your-right-to-parental-leave/ albeit not about paternity leave. Good luck

MrOneLung · August 5

Got nothing to add other than best wishes to your littlun.

cafc_se7 · August 9

Thanks for your all your input guys, really appreciated. I’ve counted to 10 and swallowed it but I certainly won’t forget it, particularly if they ever come to me expecting me to go the extra mile. It’s hardly inspiring stuff!

Thank you again for your well wishes to our lad, we go into Great Ormond Street from Wednesday. Made today even more special being there when the boys brought it home. Helps that the Mrs side of the family are mostly glory hornet boys.

up_the_valley · August 9

I'd suggest this should go down as compassionate leave. Many people think of this as leave for bereavement. However it can be given for anything which changes your circumstances at home.
Any job where you are employed to make money is less likely to allow this of course.

Advice on Parental Leave

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