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Nutty things you do when there is no one else around (non-sexual)

Shadow boxing (with noise effects) in mirrored lifts
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  • Pretend to score a goal (with commentary) with any object that happens to be on the floor at the time at home.
  • Have a conversation with oneself, non-confrontational of course.
  • Read Charlton Life forum
  • Dance
    Tense in the mirror
    Poo with the door open
  • Occasionally go "up for the header" when in an empty room.

    Pretend, and commentate upon a car race when I am on the motorway - anyone taking a turnoff is pitting in.

    I have been known to climb the stairs on all fours - in a feral manner.

    Embarassingly I did once have a bit of a moment in a lift in a hotel in Paris. I was on a business trip and a little bit squiffy. I figured this was a good time to pull random faces, make peculiar sounds and generally act like a chimp in the lift before I realised the camera on the roof of the lift had a little red light and was, apparently, on. As I exited the lift to go through reception there were 3 people pissing themselves laughing at me.
  • Swisdom said:

    Occasionally go "up for the header" when in an empty room.

    quality !
  • I often do an entrance into any room where i know I'll be alone. as if I'm a presenter or a wrestler.

    When in the car by myself I often pretend I'm a radio dj. Playing music that I like and talking to famous people who I don't like then telling them to get out of the studio - (only do this on a night drive unless I feel I could get away with it during the day if it looks like I'm on a hands free.)

  • Plaaayer said:

    Beatbox

    Try GHE's pants on?
  • practice my golf swing.
    when in a supermarket, if anybody leaves their trolley unattended and in my way, i put random items in it.
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  • I have a very sophisticated conversation with myself every morning in the bathroom. My long suffering wife is well used to the fact that I am either talking to myself or doing amazingly accurate renditions of Neil Diamond classics. Unfortunately it means that I daren't tell her about my life insurance policy in her favour.

  • when in a supermarket, if anybody leaves their trolley unattended and in my way, i put random items in it.

    This is a cracker. I put a packet of condoms in my sister-in-laws trolly in Sainsburys and watched her unload it onto the belt. She looked up at me with a bright red face as she tried to discard them from three check-outs away.
  • Don't wash my hands after a piss.
  • when in a supermarket car park as I leave I often drive slowly right behind someone pushing a trolly while humming the jaws theme tune.
  • Don't wash my hands after a piss.

    Please tell me you don't make sandwiches in Tesco !
  • Granpa said:

    Don't wash my hands after a piss.

    Please tell me you don't make sandwiches in Tesco !

    or puts the fillings in Greggs cheese 'n' bacon wraps.
  • Pretend that I'm playing a gig in front of a sell out crowd, we've all done it, come on!
  • Shout obscenties and hurl abuse at anyone who annoys me on TV. I just hope my neighbours don't think I am talking to the missus.
  • when smashed, offering out the other smashed up fella in the bathroom mirror.
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  • sing and dance .. I'm a hoochie coochie man y'all
  • Swisdom said:

    Occasionally go "up for the header" when in an empty room.

    I used to do that when I was (much) younger.

    I still occasionally play powerful backhand squash shots or bowl a leg break in an empty room. The latter can occasionally cause a lampshade to swing wildly.
  • Boom said:

    when smashed, offering out the other smashed up fella in the bathroom mirror.

  • Gammysnr said:

    Boom said:

    when smashed, offering out the other smashed up fella in the bathroom mirror.

    but not as mental!
  • I do like a good pedestrian race
  • pretend to jump from a crack in the pavement like its the plasticine board of a long jump
  • Pretend that i work for northstandsteve!

    you will be soon......
  • moonwalk

    I do that too!

    Occasionally I go into stealth agent mode and I pretend that there is an intruder and I clear all the rooms on route to the last room I check where the tension builds as I gear myself to burst in to find nobody.

    One day all that practice will help when there is a real intruder*

    *If there was a real intuder I would probably shit myself in all fairness
  • Air guitar.
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