True story a few years ago. We were driving South on the M1. I joked that we were going North and my wife said "We must be going the right way because the traffic going the other way is on our right" !!
Feel guilty about posting as in my experience women are far more intelligent and wise than us lot but, many moons ago, I took a girl to cricket at Canterbury (romantic soul I was, knew how to show a girl a good time etc). I went to get a pint and missed a wicket, a clean bowled. I got back and my lovely companion said: "you missed it. The bloke throwing the ball hit those three sticks. It was a fantastic goal."
True story a few years ago. We were driving South on the M1. I joked that we were going North and my wife said "We must be going the right way because the traffic going the other way is on our right" !!
My mum (god rest her soul) made us laugh on numerous occasions, but her best 2 where:
During the winter of discontent, the power was off more times then it was on (for you younguns), we where sitting in the front room waiting for the lights to come on, when a coach came past on all its lights ablaze, you guessed it, oh good the powers back on. The really funny thing I got up to switch the lights on.
2nd one was during the 66 World Cup final, the first goal went in, and a few (seemed like) minutes a she announces that the 2 had been scored, shame we had to tell her it was a (not very) instant replay. But to be fair from memory it was the first time it used on British tele.
This idiocy isn't from any of my girlfriends - they are far too smart - it was uttered by me, myself.
One day many years ago I was on a train at Wallington station when the whole system ground to a halt: a power failure, or something. So I got off and walked in to the minicab office next door, hoping to continue my journey. The controller sucked his teeth and told me there was at least a 30-minute wait for the next available cab; I sat down, but was nervous and agitated because I was laden with equipment - too much for hopping onto a bus - and was going to be late for my appointment.
I waited and waited. Half-an-hour passed, then 45 minutes; by now I was in a state of high anxiety. For the want of an explanation, I beckoned the controller: "I suppose all this disruption on the trains means your drivers are having trouble getting in to work."
The controller looked at me witheringly and said: "They do have cars, you know."
Many moons ago when I was meeting my future m-i-l for the first time I needed some common ground for a conversation and I knew she was keen on cricket.
I managed to get the subject round to the game, and I didn't know much at that time about field positioning, so I asked her to explain some of the finer intricacies such as, short square leg, silly point etc.
To which she responded, 'Oh I don't know those' then after a short pause she added, 'But I know where the wicket keeper stands'.
To be truthful I'd rather have an Essex girl than some of the smart arsed women I've landed myself with. My second wife (I've had a few) was as think as two planks, but I loved the bones off her and we never had a cross word in our eleven year marriage.
To be truthful I'd rather have an Essex girl than some of the smart arsed women I've landed myself with. My second wife (I've had a few) was as think as two planks, but I loved the bones off her and we never had a cross word in our eleven year marriage.
honestly i'd get bored with a good looking plank, would probably not treat her well as i wouldn't have much respect for her. Just being honest really.
Know what you mean mate, it's not that my wife is thick, she keeps me well organised, but she has an amazing knack of coming out with stupid things as above. When she realises what she has said she laughs her head off!
Comments
"That tree looks like camouflage"
Then, realising her mistake, tried to style it out with
"Is the word camouflage French?"
X says "Why don't they just say they were an alcoholic like they would with us normal people?"
shakes head and leaves thread
Nla go shake your head elsewhere. Xx
Kmt,
Thick!
During the winter of discontent, the power was off more times then it was on (for you younguns), we where sitting in the front room waiting for the lights to come on, when a coach came past on all its lights ablaze, you guessed it, oh good the powers back on. The really funny thing I got up to switch the lights on.
2nd one was during the 66 World Cup final, the first goal went in, and a few (seemed like) minutes a she announces that the 2 had been scored, shame we had to tell her it was a (not very) instant replay. But to be fair from memory it was the first time it used on British tele.
One day many years ago I was on a train at Wallington station when the whole system ground to a halt: a power failure, or something. So I got off and walked in to the minicab office next door, hoping to continue my journey. The controller sucked his teeth and told me there was at least a 30-minute wait for the next available cab; I sat down, but was nervous and agitated because I was laden with equipment - too much for hopping onto a bus - and was going to be late for my appointment.
I waited and waited. Half-an-hour passed, then 45 minutes; by now I was in a state of high anxiety. For the want of an explanation, I beckoned the controller: "I suppose all this disruption on the trains means your drivers are having trouble getting in to work."
The controller looked at me witheringly and said: "They do have cars, you know."
I managed to get the subject round to the game, and I didn't know much at that time about field positioning, so I asked her to explain some of the finer intricacies such as, short square leg, silly point etc.
To which she responded, 'Oh I don't know those' then after a short pause she added, 'But I know where the wicket keeper stands'.
Me:- Do you want a bottle of house white?
Her:- Yes, that will be nice
Me:- Oh, its listed as Dry!
Her:- That's ok I'll have some water as well!
I kid you not!