This morning whilst looking for a clean shirt, i found my wife's secret diary hidden in the wardrobe. I was both delighted and aroused to read about her rough and dirty fantasies, all involving anal............that was of course until i remembered she's dyslexic and my best mates name is alan...........
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me and said, "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed out:
"Here, love, I'll change gear for you."
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent last month. Simon said, "What is your act?" I said, "Magic." He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?" I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air." He said, "Have you ever done this before?" I said, "Yes, once." He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck."
isn't that women's football in general? ... do people actually pay to watch that rubbish?
Thats a bit harsh.........I'm actually enjoying watching it. Must say the England team looked just like the mens team as they failed to live up to expectation yesterday.
Arrived home to find a pretty woman grouting the bathroom wall & singing 'It's a heartache, nothin' but a fools game.' I thought to myself, she's a bonnie tiler
Comments
Old lady is looking into the pram being pushed along by a sexy little thing.
'Oh' says the oldie, 'I like his hair, is his father a redhead?'
'Dont know' says the girl 'he never took his hat off'
lol yawn at all of the above. If I wanted to read Sickipedia jokes I'd go on Sickipedia
But you did read them...
Therefore this website must be sickipedia.com
My girlfriend dumped me she said it was because of my obsession with the Monkees.
At first I thought she was joking, and then I saw her face.........
'Doc, I can't
stop singing the green green grass of home.
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
What a tribute to our tolerant society.
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me and said, "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed out:
"Here, love, I'll change gear for you."
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent last month.
Simon said, "What is your act?"
I said, "Magic."
He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?"
I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air."
He said, "Have you ever done this before?"
I said, "Yes, once."
He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck."
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat!
"Morning!" he said.
The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained;
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any f***ng Frenchmen to show it to."
isn't that women's football in general? ... do people actually pay to watch that rubbish?
Victoria Beckham gave birth to their first daughter today weighing just 5lb 2 oz.
The weight of the baby is yet to be announced.
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
I was mullered