An elderly couple have been dating for some time and decide it is finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embark on a long conversation regarding how their marriage will work.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decides it is time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship.
”How do you feel about sex?” He asks rather hopefully.
”Well, I’d have to say I like it infrequently” she responds.
The old guy pauses, then asks “Was that one word or two?”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: “Hello?”
Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”
Man: “Yes.”
Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only 1200 dollars right now, down from 1900. Is it okay if I buy it?”
Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
Woman: “Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one that I really, really liked.”
Man: “How much?”
Woman: “80.000.”
Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras.”
Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house that we looked at last year is back on the market. They’re asking 1,500,000.”
Man: “Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than 1,250,000.”
Woman: “Wow, great! I’ll see you later! I love you!”
Man: “Love you too, bye!”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment.
Then he looks around and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
As the coffin of a traffic warden was being lowered into the grave at his funeral, a voice cries out from inside ‘Stop get me out, I’m not dead.’ The priest leans forward and says into the grave ‘Too fucking late pal, I’ve already done the paperwork.’
Comments
’Currently pulling out of Paddington’
’I bet that made him drop his marmalade sandwich’
Pedantic, moi?
Platypus paid duck.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decides it is time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship.
”How do you feel about sex?” He asks rather hopefully.
”Well, I’d have to say I like it infrequently” she responds.
The old guy pauses, then asks “Was that one word or two?”
I’ve just Fostered a child. He wanted Carling to be honest but it was all I had in the fridge. 🍺
They gave me too much foo yung.
Because one egg is Un Oeuf...🙄
Now that one is really old!!...
It's just the second half whistle for Spurs at St James Park...
The priest leans forward and says into the grave ‘Too fucking late pal, I’ve already done the paperwork.’
It has an ex axis and a why axis.