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Jokes..

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  • Whatever you do, don't use "beef stew" as a computer password.

    It's not stroganoff.
  • edited October 2021
    cafcfan said:
    So I went to this Eskimo restaurant.
    I asked to see the menu.
    The waiter said "we don't have a lot of options, so I'll just call them out to you".
    "We have whale meat steaks, we have whale meat curry, we have whale meat stir-fry and, of course, we have the Vera Lynn."
    I said, "what's the Vera Lynn?"
    He said "whale meet again".
    Good God….that was a WW2 joke!
    Later sourced and made more well known by The Goons I believe.
  • Not sure if this is a joke, a true story or an anecdote that got exaggerated over time, but anyway:

    In the early 60s, Stoke recruited a Scottish defender named George Kinnell. He'd played at the highest levels in Scotland but was an unknown in England. In one of his early games he overdid it with a tackle and the ref reached for his book, asking him for his number and name. And George replied "Four. Kinnell." Which almost got him sent off.
  • Good story though
  • There was also a Paul Cannel who played for Newcastle in the 1970’s, fans loved chanting his name! 
  • MrWalker said:
    Do gynecologists have to take an entrance exam? 
    I don't know, but I know one who decorated her hallway through the letterbox.
  • I know a gynaecologist who retired and then went part time. He just wanted to keep his hand in.
  • I've known my wife's for years. He goes back a long way.
  • There was also a Paul Cannel who played for Newcastle in the 1970’s, fans loved chanting his name! 
    Took my son to his first game when he was seven. Coming home he was happily and innocently signing about a player called Wan kermorgant.
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  • MrWalker said:
    Do gynecologists have to take an entrance exam? 
    I don't know, but I know one who decorated her hallway through the letterbox.
    Jasper Carrott @1978
  • An Irish guy is travelling on a plane when the pilot makes an announcement.

    ”Folks, we just had one engine go out, but don’t worry, this plane can fly just fine on two engines.  All it means is that we’ll be about an hour late”

    An hour later, the pilot gets on the intercom again.

    ”Folks, don’t get alarmed, but a second engine just went out, but please don’t worry.  This plane is designed to fly safely on one engine.  However, it’s likely that we’ll now be about two hours late”.

    After that announcement, the Irish guy turns to the person sitting next to him and says:

    ”Well, I sure hope that third engine doesn’t go out.  We’ll be up here all night”
    Nothing like a bit of casual racism for getting a laugh.
  • There was also a Paul Cannel who played for Newcastle in the 1970’s, fans loved chanting his name! 
    Took my son to his first game when he was seven. Coming home he was happily and innocently signing about a player called Wan kermorgant.
    That's great that your son communicates with you about football even though you're deaf.
  • Hal1x said:
    MrWalker said:
    Do gynecologists have to take an entrance exam? 
    I don't know, but I know one who decorated her hallway through the letterbox.
    Jasper Carrott @1978
    No, I'm quite sure her name's not Jasper.
  • An Irish guy is travelling on a plane when the pilot makes an announcement.

    ”Folks, we just had one engine go out, but don’t worry, this plane can fly just fine on two engines.  All it means is that we’ll be about an hour late”

    An hour later, the pilot gets on the intercom again.

    ”Folks, don’t get alarmed, but a second engine just went out, but please don’t worry.  This plane is designed to fly safely on one engine.  However, it’s likely that we’ll now be about two hours late”.

    After that announcement, the Irish guy turns to the person sitting next to him and says:

    ”Well, I sure hope that third engine doesn’t go out.  We’ll be up here all night”
    Would this joke be less funny if the second word in it was ‘stupid’?
  • edited October 2021
    There was also a Paul Cannel who played for Newcastle in the 1970’s, fans loved chanting his name! 
    Took my son to his first game when he was seven. Coming home he was happily and innocently signing about a player called Wan kermorgant.
    That's great that your son communicates with you about football even though you're deaf.
    Nothing like a bit of casual deafism for getting a laugh.
  • An Irish guy is travelling on a plane when the pilot makes an announcement.

    ”Folks, we just had one engine go out, but don’t worry, this plane can fly just fine on two engines.  All it means is that we’ll be about an hour late”

    An hour later, the pilot gets on the intercom again.

    ”Folks, don’t get alarmed, but a second engine just went out, but please don’t worry.  This plane is designed to fly safely on one engine.  However, it’s likely that we’ll now be about two hours late”.

    After that announcement, the Irish guy turns to the person sitting next to him and says:

    ”Well, I sure hope that third engine doesn’t go out.  We’ll be up here all night”
    Nothing like a bit of casual racism for getting a laugh.
    Not casual racism AA, it’s cultural diversity.  How do I know that?  I have a fat book of weak jokes entitled More Adult Only Jokes published in 2003.

      If anyone wants a joke under the heading:

    A … walks into a bar
    Blondes
    Battle of the sexes
    Sanctity of marriage
    Signs collected by a flight attendant on her travels
    A plank short
     Business is business
    Signs you have had too much of modern life
    Believe it or not
    Cultural diversity
    Deserted islands
    Government
    Religion
    Schooldays
    Ten things not to say to your new girlfriend’s parents
    Viagra
    The innocence of kids
    Things not to say at a job interview
    Lawyers
    Law enforcement
    Things you should never say to a cop
    Courtroom capers
    Making music
    20 reasons why chocolate is better than sex
    On the farm
    Hunting and fishing
    What things on your resume really mean
    University life
    Doctors and nurses
    Why did the chicken cross the road
    Eating out
    Growing old gracefully
    Death and dying
    The Garden of Eden
    You know you’re having a bad day when …
    Pearly gates and down below
    Playing with balls (and other sports)
    Golf
    101 things not to say during sex
    Laughing at disabilities
    Pets and other animals
    Hard drives and floppies
    Accountants and their ilk
    Funny newspaper heading
    Its all in the mind
    The banking sector
    Funny signs seen on Great Britain
    The military
    The moral of the story is …
    How many … does it take to change a lightbulb
    We wish you a merry Christmas
    Jail v work

    …..  you have only to ask 😅










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  • A priest, an imam and a rabbit sit at a table in a café
    Waitress: gentlemen, what can I get for you?
    Priest: May I have a pot of tea, please?
    Imam: I would like a double espresso, thank you.
    Rabbit: I've no idea what's going on.  I'm only here because of auto-correct.
  • seth plum said:
    Not cultural diversity but a diminution of Irish people by painting them as typically stupid.
    Casual racism,
    Not racism! Irish is a nationality, not a race
  • Taxi_Lad said:
    seth plum said:
    Not cultural diversity but a diminution of Irish people by painting them as typically stupid.
    Casual racism,
    Not racism! Irish is a nationality, not a race
    Probably more than one nationality but all Irish.
  • edited October 2021
    seth plum said:
    Not cultural diversity but a diminution of Irish people by painting them as typically stupid.
    Casual racism,
    My understanding that the trend in Ireland is to make people from Kerry the Butt of the joke 
  • holyjo said:
    seth plum said:
    Not cultural diversity but a diminution of Irish people by painting them as typically stupid.
    Casual racism,
    My understanding that the trend in Ireland is to make people from Kerry the Butt of the joke 
    homophobe
  • holyjo said:
    seth plum said:
    Not cultural diversity but a diminution of Irish people by painting them as typically stupid.
    Casual racism,
    My understanding that the trend in Ireland is to make people from Kerry the Butt of the joke 
    Similarly in France they make out Normans are stupid.
  • seth plum said:
    Not cultural diversity but a diminution of Irish people by painting them as typically stupid.
    Casual racism,
    Phew!

    Irish jokes have been around as long as I can remember and long before that no doubt.

    I guess if you unpicked most of the jokes on here you’d find an ism of some sort.

    But if I was that intense I wouldn’t be reading the thread.

  • Another thought.  Aussies/Kiwis are often at each other’s throats, most of it in good humour. When I first came to NZ in the 1960s Ten Pound Poms were the butt of constant jokes and it wouldn’t have been in my best interests to be offended. Don’t get me on the subject of the laughable rugby teams sent out from the UK in those days, full of teachers and accountants, run over by the burly farmers of Southland and Canterbury.

    I think it’s the intent of humour that’s important, not whether it’s racist, sexist or whatever.
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