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Jokes..

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Comments

  • I accidentally said hello to a feminist the other day.

    My trial starts on Monday.


    Nope, don't see the joke in this one. Whether intentional or accidental, I can find anything that makes saying Hello a criminal or civil offence.
    I don’t get it
    Nor me ....
  • I was in a pub the other day when a bloke walked in with a dog turd in his hand and said “Look what I almost stepped in.”

    I recall telling you that I'd done that, which is when you tried to hit me.
  • Yesterday afternoon I narrowly avoided having an accident with an ice cream van.


    He must've been a sundae driver.
  • CAFCsayer said:

    All my German friends have blocked me since Germany’s exit from the World Cup ! My phone is now completely Hans Free

    Just about to post that ffs
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  • My mate needed a bone marrow transplant

    We found a match in Argentina

    The operation was a success

    Our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor.
  • A ninety year old man decided to be a streaker at the Chelsea Flower Show.

    He one second prize for his dried arrangement.
  • Two cows in a field, the first one went moo. The second one said that's funny I was going to say that.
  • edited July 2018

    Two cows in a field, the first one went moo. The second one said that's funny I was going to say that.

    Did the first cow reply “comfortable home win 4-0”?
  • 25May98 said:

    A ninety year old man decided to be a streaker at the Chelsea Flower Show.

    He one second prize for his dried arrangement.

    To bring out another one from the archive:

    A ninety year-old woman decided to streak through the lounge at an old people's home.

    Two old boys sitting in the lounge watched the event.

    One said to the other "Was that Joan?" His companion replied "I believe so." His bemused friend enquired "But what was she wearing?"

    The reply was "I don't know. Whatever it was, it certainly needed ironing."
  • edited July 2018
    cafcfan said:

    25May98 said:

    A ninety year old man decided to be a streaker at the Chelsea Flower Show.

    He one second prize for his dried arrangement.

    To bring out another one from the archive:

    A ninety year-old woman decided to streak through the lounge at an old people's home.

    Two old boys sitting in the lounge watched the event.

    One said to the other "Was that Joan?" His companion replied "I believe so." His bemused friend enquired "But what was she wearing?"

    The reply was "I don't know. Whatever it was, it certainly needed ironing."
    May 14th 1977.

    First time I heard that one, it was a tuesday and it rained.

    Have you heard about the woman taking a bath and the blind man turns up??
  • Halix said:

    cafcfan said:

    25May98 said:

    A ninety year old man decided to be a streaker at the Chelsea Flower Show.

    He one second prize for his dried arrangement.

    To bring out another one from the archive:

    A ninety year-old woman decided to streak through the lounge at an old people's home.

    Two old boys sitting in the lounge watched the event.

    One said to the other "Was that Joan?" His companion replied "I believe so." His bemused friend enquired "But what was she wearing?"

    The reply was "I don't know. Whatever it was, it certainly needed ironing."
    May 14th 1977.

    First time I heard that one, it was a tuesday and it rained.

    Have you heard about the woman taking a bath and the blind man turns up??
    No, I haven't heard that one, was he Roman?
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  • edited July 2018


    May 14th 1977.

    First time I heard that one, it was a tuesday and it rained.

    Have you heard about the woman taking a bath and the blind man turns up??

    No, I haven't heard that one, was he Roman?

    Venetian I believe.
  • Historically we all like trains.....so heres Robbie Coaltrain.
  • Quality that one Sarge.
  • I went for an interview at a big IT company today for the position of 'Computer Hacking Investigator.'

    The boss asked me, "So, what makes you suitable for this job?"

    "Well," I replied, "I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview!"
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