They are probably busy composing tomorrow’s Sun headline now ...’Sterling....
Sterling shoulders the blame for Southgate pain
Troubled forward Sterling 23, is said to be solely responsible for the freak jogging injury sources close to the England camp have confirmed throwing the nation's world cup chances into turmoil.
The Jamaican drill music advocate (pictured inset proudly sporting what is rumoured to be a fresh "F*** the spirit of1966" tatoo) is said to have coughed in his hotel room 150 yards away causing the England boss to swivel to see what the commotion was and mildly strain his rear deltoid.
England fans in Moscow are said to be furious as fears are this will derail the team's early success. Dave, 59 a professional fruit machine player from Great Yarmouth seethed "He's a ******ing liability. Coughing in a hotel room when your manager is out for a jog is a no no at this level and should be on the first plane home.", whilst father of 27, John from Nantwich claimed you know when Sterling is around it's a national disaster...if it weren't for him the Brexit business would be sorted out by now. Proper old school players like Bryan Robson and Nat Lofthouse would have taken some Cavonia and stifled their cough into a handkerchief....but they were real men unlike these primadonna poofs that pass for footballers these days".
In a parliamentary statement Theresa May said lessons will be learned whilst Piers Morgan and Kelvin McKenzie tweeted something vindictive about national service and the state of our country and professional c*** Katie Hopkins alluded that the police ought to be exploring whether the player had any involvement in the Salisbury chemical attack but probably won't because ..."it's not pc anymore to arrest people for crimes they are not in anyway guilty for just cos they look a bit dodge".
Gun enthusiast Sterling was unavailable for comment but was allegedly spotted in the Moscow underworld high on vodka jellies and selling national secrets to the KGB whilst adding to his collection of AK47 tattoos.
Turn to Page 27 for "We dunnit!" How the Sun campainged for upskirt ban that's seen eastern european tube pervs nicked already.
Page 5 - Exclusive snaps of knickerless Wags stumbling out of limo
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Troubled forward Sterling 23, is said to be solely responsible for the freak jogging injury sources close to the England camp have confirmed throwing the nation's world cup chances into turmoil.
The Jamaican drill music advocate (pictured inset proudly sporting what is rumoured to be a fresh "F*** the spirit of1966" tatoo) is said to have coughed in his hotel room 150 yards away causing the England boss to swivel to see what the commotion was and mildly strain his rear deltoid.
England fans in Moscow are said to be furious as fears are this will derail the team's early success. Dave, 59 a professional fruit machine player from Great Yarmouth seethed "He's a ******ing liability. Coughing in a hotel room when your manager is out for a jog is a no no at this level and should be on the first plane home.", whilst father of 27, John from Nantwich claimed you know when Sterling is around it's a national disaster...if it weren't for him the Brexit business would be sorted out by now. Proper old school players like Bryan Robson and Nat Lofthouse would have taken some Cavonia and stifled their cough into a handkerchief....but they were real men unlike these primadonna poofs that pass for footballers these days".
In a parliamentary statement Theresa May said lessons will be learned whilst Piers Morgan and Kelvin McKenzie tweeted something vindictive about national service and the state of our country and professional c*** Katie Hopkins alluded that the police ought to be exploring whether the player had any involvement in the Salisbury chemical attack but probably won't because ..."it's not pc anymore to arrest people for crimes they are not in anyway guilty for just cos they look a bit dodge".
Gun enthusiast Sterling was unavailable for comment but was allegedly spotted in the Moscow underworld high on vodka jellies and selling national secrets to the KGB whilst adding to his collection of AK47 tattoos.
Turn to Page 27 for "We dunnit!" How the Sun campainged for upskirt ban that's seen eastern european tube pervs nicked already.
Page 5 - Exclusive snaps of knickerless Wags stumbling out of limo