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Jokes..

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  • What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?

    Warren

    What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?

    Russell

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the sea?

    Bob

    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff


    (Old jokes but always make me chuckle)
  • Anyone else find the above few "jokes" offensive or is it just me?
    It's just you.
  • Anyone else find the above few "jokes" offensive or is it just me?
    It's just you.
    No it isn't.
  • Anyone else find the above few "jokes" offensive or is it just me?
    It's just you.
    I don't get it....
  • I was clearing out my late German Grandfather's closet and decided to give all his old clothes to the local charity shop.



    I handed over the bag of clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging
    through it when a horrified expression formed on her face.



    "How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop" she exclaimed angrily. "This is a symbol of pain, shame and humiliation."



    Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the bag.



    "I'm truly sorry" I said. "I had no idea he was an Palace fan."
  • I saw a guy riding a really small motobike down the street singing "Dreadlock Holiday".



    I stopped him and said "Bloody hell mate that's a small engine". He smiled at me and replied "It's 10cc".
  • I saw a guy riding a really small motobike down the street singing "Dreadlock Holiday".

    I stopped him and said "Bloody hell mate that's a small engine". He smiled at me and replied "It's 10cc".
    Did you make that one up yourself?
  • I saw a guy riding a really small motobike down the street singing "Dreadlock Holiday".

    I stopped him and said "Bloody hell mate that's a small engine". He smiled at me and replied "It's 10cc".
    Did you make that one up yourself?

    I am offended!
  • Chelsea fans are going mad at the proposals to knock down Stamford Bridge and relocate to a bigger stadium, one fan was quoted as saying.......

      "You can't just bulldoze seven years of history"


     

  • Bought myself the new Carlos Tevez DVD.........

      No matter what I do though, I can't get it to play!

  • Sponsored links:


  • Bought myself the new Carlos Tevez DVD.........

      No matter what I do though, I can't get it to play!

  • I think the NHS cutbacks have gone too far...

    I didn't even get a bloody sticker at the dentist today.
  • as we're doing piccys.................
  • My Dad got sacked from his job at The Highways Agency for nicking stuff from work. I couldn't believe it, but when I got home, the signs were there.......
  • Sponsored links:


  • I was at my chicken farm yesterday when one of my chickens died after having a fit. I decided to take him home and make a chicken seizure salad out of him
  • Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Don't worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.


  • 10 years ago, the US had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs.

    Now they have no hope, no cash and no jobs...!!!!!!!!

  • Just seen Kevin Webster in his garage, working on a 14 year old Escort...
  • Wayne Rooney is quoted as saying he is gutted about being sent off tonight !!

  • Good to see they're no jokes about Steve Jobs, they're not very PC.
  • Ever since I realised I had a bestiality fetish, my sex life has gone to the dogs.
  • You saw a shirt for £97. You didn't have the cash, so you borrowed £50 from your mum and £50 from your dad = £100.


    You bought the shirt and had £3 change. You gave your dad £1 and your
    mum £1 and kept the other £1 for yourself. Now you owe your mum £49 and
    your dad £49.

    49+49 = 98 + your £1 = 99. Where is the missing £1?
  • You saw a shirt for £97. You didn't have the cash, so you borrowed £50 from your mum and £50 from your dad = £100.


    You bought the shirt and had £3 change. You gave your dad £1 and your
    mum £1 and kept the other £1 for yourself. Now you owe your mum £49 and
    your dad £49.

    49+49 = 98 + your £1 = 99. Where is the missing £1?
    i hate things like this, i can never sleep til i work it out.
  • I'm ashamed to say it's got me too. Maths was never my strong point but bloody hell. Hope some smart-arse someone on here can answer it for me. :-)
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