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Forward to Boardroom transcript

**36.07 --- Both teams brought into the Boardroom

Lord S: Right, well I never said this was going to be easy. Katie you were Red Team PM and you went to Charlton Athletic – you’re a lawyer is that right?

Katie: Yes, Lord Sugar.

Lord S: So, Karen, how did the Red Team do with Katie as PM – I would have thought a sales or marketing person might have been better suited for PM for this one rather than a lawyer?

Karen Brady: Lord Sugar – this was heading for disaster from the off. Having put herself forward as PM Katie was unable to delegate or bring her team together, effectively bullying the others into submission. She would not brook any criticism and her only real ally was Sue who just went along with everything Katie said without providing any of her own input; the boys just seemed completely in awe of her.

Lord S: Hmmmmmmmm…….this doesn’t sound like a good start to me.

Karen B: No Lord Sugar, Katie came up with some very strange ideas indeed– the first one was to install a sofa at the ground and……..

Lord S: Hang on, hang on, a bleedin’ sofa. I’ve heard about armchair fans but this is taking the Michael isn’t it? How is that going to generate income?

Karen B: I think it was more on the lines of a PR exercise Lord Sugar, a gimmick if you like to generate a bit of feel-good publicity.

Lord S: ok, what else?

Karen B: She did try to generate some income at the ground by closing part of the ticket office and turning it into an NHS call centre and reducing the days on which the Ticket Office was open for sales.

Lord S: Whoa! Charlton Athletic is a professional football team right whose major source of income will be ticket sales yes, and you’re telling me that she decided to close the ticket office?

Karen B: I’m afraid it’s worse than that Lord Sugar – those who come along to the ticket office to collect tickets when it is open would have to pay an additional surcharge.

Lord S: I can’t get my head around this. You are telling me that the customer has to pay extra to come and collect their ticket? I could understand if you were providing a delivery service to their front door but what exactly is it their paying this extra for?

Karen B: Lord Sugar, I don’t think Katie had any understanding of the core demographic of the club. Charlton Athletic is a long-established family club with a loyal following in SE London and Kent and yet one of her ideas focussed upon recruitment of fans from Barnes – I think because the population there are largely Socio-Economic Groups A/B with high disposable income but she seemed totally unaware of transport problems arising from crossing to and from SW to SE London and similarly unaware that there was a Premiership Rugby Club (Harlequins) just down the road and of course Chelsea on the other side of the river, both much easier to reach.

Lord S: I’m starting to get the picture of someone without a clue here. If you are going to tell me one more thing that I don’t like then I’m going to three of them in the Boardroom right now and the White Team and the rest of them can go back to the house.

Karen S: Well, she did suggest playing floodlit fixtures during the day to save on electricity and an after-match disco music for those……………

Lord S: Alright! That’s it. Katie, Sue and you, Tony, you stay where you are. The rest of you clear off.

Assembled Candidates: Thank you Lord Sugar.

Lord S: I’m not going to beat about the bush here – I’ve been doing this show for 13 years now and I can honestly say I’ve never encountered anyone as incompetent as you lot.

Sue, you brought absolutely nothing to the task – from what Karen tells me all you did throughout the task was to order in the coffee and cakes – brings a new meaning to the phrase doesn’t it “Who bought all the pies” (laughter). Sue – You’re fired!

Tony, I don’t like people who blame others because they won’t take responsibility for their own actions and Karen tells me that me that when difficult decisions were to be made you weren’t around for some reason, I don’t like that at all and for that reason Tony…….

Tony: but Lord Sugar I was only doing what……….

Lord S: No! I don’t want to hear it – get out of my sight – you’re fired!

Lord S: Katie…I’ve never heard such a damning report from Karen as the one she’s made on you and…..

Katie: But it’s just her opinion………I know…….

Lord S: No! I don’t want to hear it. I know we haven’t heard much from you, that’s because the facts speak for themselves, if anything Karen’s been a bit soft on you!
I’m just glad you were at Charlton for only 3 days not 3 years – they dodged a bullet there. You should never be allowed anywhere near a football ground ever again. If I was you I’d go back to being a lawyer. You’re fired! Get out!

Lord S: Well we’ve lost three from one team this week so we’ll have to mix it up again. We’ll switch Roland over to Team Red as PM at least he can’t do any worse than Katie.

Karen and Claude nod in agreement.


  • I think you'll find this weeks episode is actually about making doughnuts...
  • edited October 2018
    I can't do GIFs :-(
  • Awful attempt at humour... Which must be painful with how much effort you put into this.
  • edited October 2018
    Worst part is I came on this thread having not watched the apprentice for a few years, thinking that maybe Charlton featured in the latest series in a task or something. The gif I tried to post was Rudy from misfits closing the door
  • Very good very funny have just been trying to find it until I read part 2 well written bloody funny especially when read out loud
  • Very good very funny have just been trying to find it until I read part 2 well written bloody funny especially when read out loud

    Where, when and to whom did you read this out loud?
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Roland Out!