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People that slam doors

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    Stig said:

    Speak to your neighbour to try and understand why he slams his door. Only then will you be able to truly empathise with him and work towards a mutually beneficial resolution that is draped in care and compassion.

    BBW, I am so looking forward to your forthcoming book, 'Zen and the art of spanner throwing'.
    We tend to fight amongst ourselves, not throw each other around.

    If nothing else this site has taught me that, rather than chastising someone for something they do or say, trying to understand the person concerned and their grievances is a much better route happiness and self contentment.
    Have you gone all soft on us? I can see you coming along to a few games once we are rid of the owner :expressionless:
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    Mate this is the bane of my life. Or at least it was last year, until the neighbour moved out.

    I live in a block with thin walls, and used to have a neighbour who not only slammed his front door with all the force he could manage, but also used to go from room to room slamming all his INTERNAL doors too! It absolutely did my head in. We'd hear about 10-20 slams an hour. The worst thing was when he came home pissed at 3am and slammed all the doors, usually on a weeknight ffs.

    In the end we went round to talk to him about it. He said he didn't realise he was doing it, and to be fair he cut it down afterwards, by about half.

    Good luck with your neighbour @Dave2l !
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    Stig said:

    Speak to your neighbour to try and understand why he slams his door. Only then will you be able to truly empathise with him and work towards a mutually beneficial resolution that is draped in care and compassion.

    BBW, I am so looking forward to your forthcoming book, 'Zen and the art of spanner throwing'.
    We tend to fight amongst ourselves, not throw each other around.

    If nothing else this site has taught me that, rather than chastising someone for something they do or say, trying to understand the person concerned and their grievances is a much better route happiness and self contentment.
    Have you gone all soft on us? I can see you coming along to a few games once we are rid of the owner :expressionless:
    Not at all. Call it an enlightenment, if you will.

    The only way to battle injustice and our grievances is to toss logic out of the window and allow empathy to drive decision making. What could possibly go wrong, right? :neutral:
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    The thing that everyone abhors
    In little girls is slamming doors.
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    Had the same situation as you @Dave2l . Several things I have tried (mindful of avoiding direct conflict);
    -Taped a notice to the front door (communal door), asking people not to slam doors, as it is disruptive and damages the fabric of the building, something like that.
    -Raised it at the flats management meeting, asking for replacement doors and for communal doors to be self closing and soft closing. (Was rejected, but will try again)
    -Replaced my front door with a new fire door which has better sound insulation.

    The flats are poorly built and noise abatement was clearly not considered back then. Still no excuse for slamming doors, but something to consider when bringing the subject up diplomatically.

    Something else that I personally would consider if I was an owner and the offender was a tenant would be bringing it up via the freeholder as a formal complaint against another owner occupier.

    Also where it's one owner against another you could complain under the terms of your lease, probably on the grounds of it being persistent disruptive behaviour.

    The situation has gotten better for me, partly as I've got used to it, partly because the new door had some effect. I realise begrudgingly that this is what living in flats entails to some extent, and look forward one day to getting a house. True to say though you can never choose your neighbours and ignorant arseholes can turn up anywhere anytime!
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    If only we were allowed to carry guns in the UK, then you could just shoot him, for this 'twice a day door slamming' surely warrants the death penalty. Alas we are not allowed to carry guns, so just ignore it.
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    Think about what you would like him to do and why. Think about how what he is doing is affecting you. Decide that however he reacts is not going to upset you. Then go and talk to him about it, calmly and politely.

    If you don't like his response you will be better placed to take it further.
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    Stig said:

    Speak to your neighbour to try and understand why he slams his door. Only then will you be able to truly empathise with him and work towards a mutually beneficial resolution that is draped in care and compassion.

    BBW, I am so looking forward to your forthcoming book, 'Zen and the art of spanner throwing'.
    We tend to fight amongst ourselves, not throw each other around.

    If nothing else this site has taught me that, rather than chastising someone for something they do or say, trying to understand the person concerned and their grievances is a much better route to happiness and self contentment.
    Wow these rehab courses really do work! :-0
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    Thanks for the responses.

    Levelled my mindset a bit.

    I will simply just have a word and not pre-determine a negative outcome.

    As many have said, most people don't realise they even do it.

    Even though it's a small issue... I don't really understand why doors need slamming, it bugs me, so I'm quick to assume the worst about the individual.
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    Every time he does it wordlessly scream at the top of your lungs - he'll get the point.
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    Wow this does seem over the top, unless its constant and at all hours?

    When i was younger my Mum used to tell me to stop slamming doors, sometimes its just the way you are , maybe they are in a hurry or need to slam it or just generally loud.

    Think you might need to move out ;)

    When do you ever need to slam a door ???
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    The only way to battle injustice and our grievances is to toss logic out of the window and allow empathy to drive decision making. What could possibly go wrong, right?

    Why don't you try that approach with Roland?
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    Wow this does seem over the top, unless its constant and at all hours?

    When i was younger my Mum used to tell me to stop slamming doors, sometimes its just the way you are , maybe they are in a hurry or need to slam it or just generally loud.

    Think you might need to move out ;)

    When do you ever need to slam a door ???
    noone really needs to but it does seem very over the top reaction in my opinion. There could be many legit reasons or he just doesn't realise or he is a twat who knows, thats not my point. Most people will do it if they are loud anyway or just making sure shut properly.

    he quotes 'need to slam his front door behind him with a strange amount of force and anger....when he leaves and when he returns.'

    If OP stated does it at silly hours or often my view would change on the matter but if its here and there, surely there are worse things to be bothered about??
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    Like torture. No laughing matter really.
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    Dave2l said:

    I live in a building block where living space is seperate...but its in close proximity to others.

    The walls are kind of thin but it's just about ok enough and you can easily mind your own business. You sometimes hear voices...but it's not really intrusive.

    I don't know if my stance on this is over the top or a bit too serious....but there is an absolute twat of a bloke next door who constantly feels a need to slam his front door behind him with a strange amount of defeaning force and anger....when he leaves and when he returns.

    After a hard tiring days work and in a mood to just settle down and be ready for bed...I find the excessive slamming infuriatingly annoying to the point where I've really gotta sort this out.

    Confrontation is not really my thing but I guess I'm going to have to reluctantly rise to this, as I'm sure that someone who feels the need to always slam a door like a child, is unlikely to listen to reason. They are in a bubble and need to be forced out of it.
    Also based on instinct and what i hear, I know this bloke is a weird asshole and it may get ugly and quickly.

    Does being on the recieving end of door slamming get on anyone elses nerves?

    Its a pretty crappy inconsiderate thing to do that doesn't make much sense to me as a man of privacy and I like to think, peace.

    The question is....Why?

    I have every sympathy with you as I have had dreadful problems with neighbours.

    I would perhaps grin and bear this as it could be an awful lot worse.
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    Dave2l said:

    I live in a building block where living space is seperate...but its in close proximity to others.

    The walls are kind of thin but it's just about ok enough and you can easily mind your own business. You sometimes hear voices...but it's not really intrusive.

    I don't know if my stance on this is over the top or a bit too serious....but there is an absolute twat of a bloke next door who constantly feels a need to slam his front door behind him with a strange amount of defeaning force and anger....when he leaves and when he returns.

    After a hard tiring days work and in a mood to just settle down and be ready for bed...I find the excessive slamming infuriatingly annoying to the point where I've really gotta sort this out.

    Confrontation is not really my thing but I guess I'm going to have to reluctantly rise to this, as I'm sure that someone who feels the need to always slam a door like a child, is unlikely to listen to reason. They are in a bubble and need to be forced out of it.
    Also based on instinct and what i hear, I know this bloke is a weird asshole and it may get ugly and quickly.

    Does being on the recieving end of door slamming get on anyone elses nerves?

    Its a pretty crappy inconsiderate thing to do that doesn't make much sense to me as a man of privacy and I like to think, peace.

    The question is....Why?

    I have every sympathy with you as I have had dreadful problems with neighbours.

    I would perhaps grin and bear this as it could be an awful lot worse.
    For sure.

    The OP wasnt intended to be as "over the top" as it appears to some.

    Its not a serious problem in any way at all. I was interested to see if it pisses othee people off too.
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    The only way to battle injustice and our grievances is to toss logic out of the window and allow empathy to drive decision making. What could possibly go wrong, right?

    Why don't you try that approach with Roland?
    He's not returning my calls.
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    edited May 2018
    All silly joking aside, as someone who's suffered from noisy, selfish neighbours themselves in the past, you have my sympathy. Some good advice on here and hope you get it sorted amicably.
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    edited May 2018
    Dave2l said:

    Thanks for the responses.

    Levelled my mindset a bit.

    I will simply just have a word and not pre-determine a negative outcome.

    As many have said, most people don't realise they even do it.

    Even though it's a small issue... I don't really understand why doors need slamming, it bugs me, so I'm quick to assume the worst about the individual.

    Just make sure you check if he voted remain or leave.

    Secondary inquisitions could be along the lines of are you a)''evil Tory'' (TM) or b) 'lovely Labour' or c) irrelevant LibDem

    Once you have your answers, decide you have more reasons to hate him and, all joking aside, pull up the floorboards outside his front door and place upturned nails along the beams. You may want to cover this with some cheap carpet or a spare sarong. Or you may want to drizzle hot chilli sauce and fresh lemon juice on the nails.

    Win/Win/Win scenario?
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    Dave2l said:

    Dave2l said:

    I live in a building block where living space is seperate...but its in close proximity to others.

    The walls are kind of thin but it's just about ok enough and you can easily mind your own business. You sometimes hear voices...but it's not really intrusive.

    I don't know if my stance on this is over the top or a bit too serious....but there is an absolute twat of a bloke next door who constantly feels a need to slam his front door behind him with a strange amount of defeaning force and anger....when he leaves and when he returns.

    After a hard tiring days work and in a mood to just settle down and be ready for bed...I find the excessive slamming infuriatingly annoying to the point where I've really gotta sort this out.

    Confrontation is not really my thing but I guess I'm going to have to reluctantly rise to this, as I'm sure that someone who feels the need to always slam a door like a child, is unlikely to listen to reason. They are in a bubble and need to be forced out of it.
    Also based on instinct and what i hear, I know this bloke is a weird asshole and it may get ugly and quickly.

    Does being on the recieving end of door slamming get on anyone elses nerves?

    Its a pretty crappy inconsiderate thing to do that doesn't make much sense to me as a man of privacy and I like to think, peace.

    The question is....Why?

    I have every sympathy with you as I have had dreadful problems with neighbours.

    I would perhaps grin and bear this as it could be an awful lot worse.
    For sure.

    The OP wasnt intended to be as "over the top" as it appears to some.

    Its not a serious problem in any way at all. I was interested to see if it pisses othee people off too.
    It's not OTT and it would do my nut in. We had noisy neighbours in our flat below us...drinkers, shouters and door slammers. Feisty scouse female neighbour went and spoke to them and probably handled it a lot more calmly than I would.

    I think the best approach all joking aside would be to calmly and politely go and speak to him...not confront just politely but assertively ask if he would mind closing his doors a bit quieter as the noise reverberates etc. He may be completely unaware he is doing it or the noise it makes and the discomfort it causes as often is the case and apologise and stop straight away.

    Alternatively he may not care and be rude and carry on. Either way at least you will have done all in your power and can just put it down to the fact that he is another of the multitude of selfish twunts that walk amongst us.

    My genuine advice from herein regardless of the outcome and even if you don't feel like you can go to speak to him at all is to immediately stop obsessing about it and literally ignore it....it may sound difficult but i'm in the same situation....neighbours here are door slammers and even though I get on great with them I cant be arsed mentioning it as i've blocked it out.

    Worse is that i've moved to the sticks in the middle of nowhere and next to a boozer (that i thought was a quiet old man's pub) is wedding venue of the year and is a hybrid rock concert/rave each friday and saturday with really loud weddings and then noisy pissed punters recreating benidorm in high season outside each night as they stagger off into the night.

    Did my swede in beyond belief for the first month or so we lived in until my wife pointed out that she just accepted it and ignored it to the point that she's just got used to it and sleeps through it all. Thought it was bollocks at first but other than one or 2 particularly bad occasions (in well over a year of being here)where ive seriously considered running out in my pants with a baseball back to tell the cackling tarts to pipe down I have genuinely got used to it and don't even register it no matter how loud or frequent.

    All down to the mind and perception and acceptance of the situation.

    Good luck mate and soz if you thought I was taking the piss out of you with my original joky post. (I wasn't)


    You're right.

    I decided that instead of watching TV and waiting to hear an inevitable miagrane creating door slam right on my head..to.go to the gym and let it go.

    Wont have to hear it tonight
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    edited May 2018
    Dave2l said:

    Dave2l said:

    Dave2l said:

    I live in a building block where living space is seperate...but its in close proximity to others.

    The walls are kind of thin but it's just about ok enough and you can easily mind your own business. You sometimes hear voices...but it's not really intrusive.

    I don't know if my stance on this is over the top or a bit too serious....but there is an absolute twat of a bloke next door who constantly feels a need to slam his front door behind him with a strange amount of defeaning force and anger....when he leaves and when he returns.

    After a hard tiring days work and in a mood to just settle down and be ready for bed...I find the excessive slamming infuriatingly annoying to the point where I've really gotta sort this out.

    Confrontation is not really my thing but I guess I'm going to have to reluctantly rise to this, as I'm sure that someone who feels the need to always slam a door like a child, is unlikely to listen to reason. They are in a bubble and need to be forced out of it.
    Also based on instinct and what i hear, I know this bloke is a weird asshole and it may get ugly and quickly.

    Does being on the recieving end of door slamming get on anyone elses nerves?

    Its a pretty crappy inconsiderate thing to do that doesn't make much sense to me as a man of privacy and I like to think, peace.

    The question is....Why?

    I have every sympathy with you as I have had dreadful problems with neighbours.

    I would perhaps grin and bear this as it could be an awful lot worse.
    For sure.

    The OP wasnt intended to be as "over the top" as it appears to some.

    Its not a serious problem in any way at all. I was interested to see if it pisses othee people off too.
    It's not OTT and it would do my nut in. We had noisy neighbours in our flat below us...drinkers, shouters and door slammers. Feisty scouse female neighbour went and spoke to them and probably handled it a lot more calmly than I would.

    I think the best approach all joking aside would be to calmly and politely go and speak to him...not confront just politely but assertively ask if he would mind closing his doors a bit quieter as the noise reverberates etc. He may be completely unaware he is doing it or the noise it makes and the discomfort it causes as often is the case and apologise and stop straight away.

    Alternatively he may not care and be rude and carry on. Either way at least you will have done all in your power and can just put it down to the fact that he is another of the multitude of selfish twunts that walk amongst us.

    My genuine advice from herein regardless of the outcome and even if you don't feel like you can go to speak to him at all is to immediately stop obsessing about it and literally ignore it....it may sound difficult but i'm in the same situation....neighbours here are door slammers and even though I get on great with them I cant be arsed mentioning it as i've blocked it out.

    Worse is that i've moved to the sticks in the middle of nowhere and next to a boozer (that i thought was a quiet old man's pub) is wedding venue of the year and is a hybrid rock concert/rave each friday and saturday with really loud weddings and then noisy pissed punters recreating benidorm in high season outside each night as they stagger off into the night.

    Did my swede in beyond belief for the first month or so we lived in until my wife pointed out that she just accepted it and ignored it to the point that she's just got used to it and sleeps through it all. Thought it was bollocks at first but other than one or 2 particularly bad occasions (in well over a year of being here)where ive seriously considered running out in my pants with a baseball back to tell the cackling tarts to pipe down I have genuinely got used to it and don't even register it no matter how loud or frequent.

    All down to the mind and perception and acceptance of the situation.

    Good luck mate and soz if you thought I was taking the piss out of you with my original joky post. (I wasn't)


    You're right.

    I decided that instead of watching TV and waiting to hear an inevitable miagrane creating door slam right on my head..to.go to the gym and let it go.

    Wont have to hear it tonight
    Or even when you do hear it when you're indoors watching TV just mentally shrug your shoulders and ignore it by placing extra focus on what you are doing that particular second be it watching the box, reading, posting on here etc. You'll stop even registering it after a while.

    You'll soon get used to it. The same way people who move next to busy roads or train stations get used to it when the mind gets accustomed to associating that noise with not being a threat.

    Probably similar if you went round someone's house who has a loud cuckoo/ chiming grandfather clock which would grate at first but you get used to it as the owners have so much that the hourly din becomes imperceptible.


    The one I'm struggling with is the selfish fuckwits on my daily hour plus train journey who struggle to have the courtesy to put their phones on silent before commencing their 45 minute WhatsApp rally with 25 notification "pings" a minute each one causing my chest to further restrict and knuckles whiten as I grip the seat arms to the point of snapping.

    Takes all my restraint not to launch their phones the length of the carriage before calmly looking at their shocked aghast boats and casually saying to them "What?"

    Will take my own advice on this one :-)

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    My kids slam their bedroom doors in a mood! But an adult doing it seems weird and must be very frustrating for you if your relaxing! We have a women next door that has her tv very loud plays music even louder, we are living in a small block of flats! I find her very anoring!
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    edited May 2018
    I like to hear my door close - simply because when I am in the car I can't remember if I closed it or not! I always have, but I try to remember the sound of it closing, when I remember to do so! What were we talking about? I've forgotten!

    Seriously, it may be a self closing door and he may not realise it is annoying you!
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    SE23 said:

    What about hearing the neighbours make love? What is the protocol there?

    Do you mean what listening equipment works best?
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    SE23 said:

    What about hearing the neighbours make love? What is the protocol there?

    Knock one out yourself.
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    SE23 said:

    What about hearing the neighbours make love? What is the protocol there?

    Knock one out yourself.
    Bit harsh to smack someone just for getting some action.
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