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Funniest reason for being kicked out of somewhere

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  • T_C_E said:

    Got thrown out of my mums house for giving my sisters boyfriend later to be husband a good hiding on the doorstep. They came home arguing and woke my mum up around midnight mum called down and told them to keep it down, his reply. "Shut up you old slag" I launched myself at him and was beating the crap out him when I was smashed over the head with what turned out to be a tea tray. It was my mum, she told me to get out of the house. Threw me out for the last time I never went home again after that, she still had that tray when died and it's now here at home.

    What a big, soft sentimentalist you are.
  • red10 said:

    Friend of mine saw a guy thrown out of a club in Zurich for smuggling in alcohol free beer in his coat !! Bouncers were in hysterics.

    A birthday night at the Venue many years ago when my 6 footed, shaven headed, sovereign ringed, tattooed but soft as shit good mate had a bottle of pills retrieved from his jacket during the search on the way in.

    They were genuine milk thistle tablets...the bouncers just shook their head in disbelief and let him in.

    You do not take a bottle of pills to a night club in New Cross. He is from Romford so would expect him to be half street savvy but clearly not.
  • Wow what a website.

    Fantastic story HJ. Great turnaround in what sounds like a pretty poor start in your life. Well done.

    The next three stories have made me weep with laughter. Some very good writers on here.
  • DA9 said:

    I was in this bar in Oxford Circus in the mid 80’s, when some nutter let off a gun, not quite thrown out, but was carried out in the stampede, had a fight around the corner.

    What a way to come out. Happy for you. Congrats.
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  • Bloke I know got told to leave a pub in Erith cos he was still on his horse when he got to the bar.

    Think the cctv even made national press.

    The Cross Keys? That was a beautiful pub
  • Remember that Gaz
  • Bloke I know got told to leave a pub in Erith cos he was still on his horse when he got to the bar.

    Think the cctv even made national press.

    I remember that! The Cross Keys? Didn't it get shut down?
  • Bloke I know got told to leave a pub in Erith cos he was still on his horse when he got to the bar.

    Think the cctv even made national press.

    I remember that! The Cross Keys? Didn't it get shut down?
    Yeah it got shut down after that. It had happened a couple of times but the last time there was quite a lot of them. In the end the council took away the license. Absolute khazi of a pub.
  • Greenie said:

    ads said:

    Bloke I know got told to leave a pub in Erith cos he was still on his horse when he got to the bar.

    Think the cctv even made national press.

    The Cross Keys? That was a beautiful pub
    You have just reminded me......The Running Horses, Erith, the first pub I ever bought a drink in...I was 13....anyway a few of us kids were in there and my mate decides he needs a pony, which was apt given the name of the pub. So he pops of to the khazi and 5 minutes later he walks back, sits at the table and puts a jobby rolled up in toilet paper on the table, just 'for a laugh'.
    Us 5 spotty kids were sat kinda shocked while observing said jobby, when the guvnor comes over to pick up the empties, including crisp packets and picks up the offending item, which fell apart......he went fucking mental, I mean barking mad, I seem to remember clambering over tables and chairs to get out.........and we all legged it up the road with the guvnor milling like a squaddie behind us......we didn't go back.
    It’s probably still there!
  • Greenie said:

    ads said:

    Bloke I know got told to leave a pub in Erith cos he was still on his horse when he got to the bar.

    Think the cctv even made national press.

    The Cross Keys? That was a beautiful pub
    You have just reminded me......The Running Horses, Erith, the first pub I ever bought a drink in...I was 13....anyway a few of us kids were in there and my mate decides he needs a pony, which was apt given the name of the pub. So he pops of to the khazi and 5 minutes later he walks back, sits at the table and puts a jobby rolled up in toilet paper on the table, just 'for a laugh'.
    Us 5 spotty kids were sat kinda shocked while observing said jobby, when the guvnor comes over to pick up the empties, including crisp packets and picks up the offending item, which fell apart......he went fucking mental, I mean barking mad, I seem to remember clambering over tables and chairs to get out.........and we all legged it up the road with the guvnor milling like a squaddie behind us......we didn't go back.
    It’s probably still there!
    I proper laughed at that one.....
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  • Used to go to school with the son of the owner(s) of The Running Horses. Pretty sure he ended up in prison for a bit. Not a family you'd mess with.
  • Got tossed out of an all night eating joint after passing out face first into my food and then vomiting in the cloakroom after mistaking it for the loo. Bouncer gently pushed me down the stairs, so woke up the next morning with a bruises on my back about 2 inches apart. Amazingly they barred me
  • nottingham forest away few years back i bought an u-18 tickets as " they never check" had had quite a few before hand and the steward on the door was asking for proof of under 18, anyway let me in half time came and the same steward comes up to me whilst i'm drinking a bottle of beer and goes can i see your id please mate i showed him it without any hassle and then he asked for the ticket which was obviously u-18s and so out i went through the doors at half time and after protesting my innocence to the police was given a stadium ban from nottingham forest for 5 years for public disorder, thankfully we wont be playing them anytime soon.

    Was this the one in circa 2015 R? 1-1 possibly?

    If so, I didn’t know you then, but I had similar. Rocked up slightly worse for wear with a kids ticket and for the first time ever, got turned away and sent to their ticket office to upgrade. Paid an extra £15 or so and got in 5 mins after kick-off.

    5 mins later I was chucked out for arguing with the biggest c**t of a steward I’ve ever encountered. I just wanted to discuss the standing issue, but he literally threw me out the door. Took me days to calm down from that and talk myself out of writing a pointless complaint.
  • edited May 2018

    nottingham forest away few years back i bought an u-18 tickets as " they never check" had had quite a few before hand and the steward on the door was asking for proof of under 18, anyway let me in half time came and the same steward comes up to me whilst i'm drinking a bottle of beer and goes can i see your id please mate i showed him it without any hassle and then he asked for the ticket which was obviously u-18s and so out i went through the doors at half time and after protesting my innocence to the police was given a stadium ban from nottingham forest for 5 years for public disorder, thankfully we wont be playing them anytime soon.

    Was this the one in circa 2015 R? 1-1 possibly?

    If so, I didn’t know you then, but I had similar. Rocked up slightly worse for wear with a kids ticket and for the first time ever, got turned away and sent to their ticket office to upgrade. Paid an extra £15 or so and got in 5 mins after kick-off.

    5 mins later I was chucked out for arguing with the biggest c**t of a steward I’ve ever encountered. I just wanted to discuss the standing issue, but he literally threw me out the door. Took me days to calm down from that and talk myself out of writing a pointless complaint.
    Following on from my throw out from Scunthorpe for smoking even though i dont smoke.
    A friend of a friend had been thrown out.
    I was arguing why theyd been thrown out not swearing or shouting after 5 mins theyd had enough of me so got thrown out.
    Outside the ground the police tell me if i dont move on there going to nick me at this time the wife rings, for a laugh i give the phone to the old bill and they tell her ill be getting nicked if i dont move on ,she told them just nick him.
    By know my times up arguing and i move on.
    Few days later get a phone call fron the club saying ive got to go down the club to explain myself, im not having that so tell the person not going dont even smoke but if they get the cctv of me smoking i will of course go down
    Weve not got any cctv of you smoking was his reply
    I then replied but youd soon find it if id stabbed someone and put the phone down never heard nothing after that.
  • nottingham forest away few years back i bought an u-18 tickets as " they never check" had had quite a few before hand and the steward on the door was asking for proof of under 18, anyway let me in half time came and the same steward comes up to me whilst i'm drinking a bottle of beer and goes can i see your id please mate i showed him it without any hassle and then he asked for the ticket which was obviously u-18s and so out i went through the doors at half time and after protesting my innocence to the police was given a stadium ban from nottingham forest for 5 years for public disorder, thankfully we wont be playing them anytime soon.

    Was this the one in circa 2015 R? 1-1 possibly?

    If so, I didn’t know you then, but I had similar. Rocked up slightly worse for wear with a kids ticket and for the first time ever, got turned away and sent to their ticket office to upgrade. Paid an extra £15 or so and got in 5 mins after kick-off.

    5 mins later I was chucked out for arguing with the biggest c**t of a steward I’ve ever encountered. I just wanted to discuss the standing issue, but he literally threw me out the door. Took me days to calm down from that and talk myself out of writing a pointless complaint.
    12/13 from memory on the way to the ground we had also pissed off some fisherman for singing Charlton songs and apparently scared the fish!, great away day forest mainly for hooters pre match!.
  • nottingham forest away few years back i bought an u-18 tickets as " they never check" had had quite a few before hand and the steward on the door was asking for proof of under 18, anyway let me in half time came and the same steward comes up to me whilst i'm drinking a bottle of beer and goes can i see your id please mate i showed him it without any hassle and then he asked for the ticket which was obviously u-18s and so out i went through the doors at half time and after protesting my innocence to the police was given a stadium ban from nottingham forest for 5 years for public disorder, thankfully we wont be playing them anytime soon.

    Was this the one in circa 2015 R? 1-1 possibly?

    If so, I didn’t know you then, but I had similar. Rocked up slightly worse for wear with a kids ticket and for the first time ever, got turned away and sent to their ticket office to upgrade. Paid an extra £15 or so and got in 5 mins after kick-off.

    5 mins later I was chucked out for arguing with the biggest c**t of a steward I’ve ever encountered. I just wanted to discuss the standing issue, but he literally threw me out the door. Took me days to calm down from that and talk myself out of writing a pointless complaint.
    I remember GD going down to help your argument, I even said to him I'll see you at full time! By the time we saw him he was absolutely cunted, no idea what you two had been drinking, I'm guessing either bleech or petrol.

    His brother got kicked out a few years earlier for chanting Robin Hood is a wanker. :smile:

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