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Celebrity Dreams

After reading this tweet which was more Viz than Viz itself, I wondered if any Lifers had enjoyed a dream involving a celebrity?

Comments

  • I once had a dream that I was in a big kung fu fight with a bad guy, who then turned into Emma Bunton, in my mum's kitchen. It's one of the only times I recall that I was able to fight properly and not that shitty "agggh, I can't lift my arms!" type of dream.

    Once I won the fight, I found myself raiding a sort of illegal street market. I had a badge and gun and got to shoot some villains. I would love to go back into that dream.

    Also, while we're on the subject of dreams, I'd like to invoke Mitch Hedberg: "I'm tired of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're going, and catch up with them later."
  • Bizarrely @oohaahmortimer was in my dream last night. I bumped into a load of guys and girls from my primary school in a pub and oohaah was sitting at the bar on a stall chatting to some woman.

    Random
  • I have regular dreams and me and Hayley Atwell.......sadly I then wake up and Mrs Otto asks me who Hayley is.
  • edited November 1
    I hope he doesn’t dream about who he was on the train with this evening.
  • I hope he doesn’t dream about who he was in the train with this evening.
    More like a nightmare
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  • edited November 1

    I had a horrendous dream the other night. Nick Clegg was chilling round mine for some unknown reason dressed in casual attire of a t- shirt and tracksuit bottoms.

    He was sat across the living room from me sprawled on one of the settees and it became apparent that said tracksuit bottoms visibly identified that Clegg was apparently endowed in the manner of a thoroughbred racehorse in both length and girth.

    If that wasn't sufficiently alarming the next stage of the dream saw my missus declare that she was going to "fetch the tape measure and compare you both" which, going by the presented evidence was a contest I was going to come of out of very fucking badly indeed.

    To further douse fuel on the blazing fire of self-defeat and humiliation my subconscious caused me to shrivel up like an over ripened grape in a frozen lake at the notion of this prospective political "willy off".

    Woke up with the right camel with the wife and a sense of shame and inadequacy not felt since my mum sent me into the 3rd year of a new secondary school in circa 1994 in a green C&A anorak and a £4 haircut.


    Two things I learned from that dream

    i) Won't be eating cheese that near to bedtime again

    ii) Will never ever ever consider voting Lib Dem


    This is fantastic, beautifully written and bloody hilarious. You could base a stand up routine around it.

    The author either has the very weirdest dreams ever or has an amazingly warped and wonderful imagination. Either way..... I love it.
  • I have regular dreams and me and Hayley Atwell.......sadly I then wake up and Mrs Otto asks me who Hayley is.

    Was she the one from Corrie that ran the caff with Roy?
  • I rarely remember dreams but a long time ago..........I awoke in bed in a bit of distress and the wife asked what had upset me. I supposedly answered I had met Big Carl Leaburn and he had been rude to me.
  • Kim Wilde.

    My first "big boy" dream

    Unforgettable
  • I dreamt that I met Charles Bukowski.
    'Can I buy you a drink,' I asked,
    ''I'm not not drinking anymore,' he replied.
    I woke up feeling miserable and cheated.
  • edited November 2



    Carter said:

    My wife has had the right hump with me for the last week because SHE had a dream I'd been banging a recently divorced friend of hers.

    I wouldn't mind if I'd actually shagged this woman but she's got the arse with me over something she'd dreamt

    Seems to me that technically, technically, you're allowed to shag this woman now.
    Agreed. Might as well do it if she’s got the hump about it already.
  • edited November 1
    Carter said:

    My wife has had the right hump with me for the last week because SHE had a dream I'd been banging a recently divorced friend of hers.

    I wouldn't mind if I'd actually shagged this woman but she's got the arse with me over something she'd dreamt

    Once tried to kick the wife in my sleep as I dreamt she was having an affair. Woke up tangled in the duvet frantically kicking and feeling seriously pissed off with her, made even worse by her killing herself laughing when I told her what happened.


  • Carter said:

    My wife has had the right hump with me for the last week because SHE had a dream I'd been banging a recently divorced friend of hers.

    I wouldn't mind if I'd actually shagged this woman but she's got the arse with me over something she'd dreamt

    Seems to me that technically, technically, you're allowed to shag this woman now.
    I think this divorcee is getting plenty of cock right now without my girth getting in the way
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