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Worst/ most unbelievable excuses for getting out of stuff...

Just chatting to my missus about the London Eye and she said she was supposed to go on it for a work thing once Christmas but didnt want to bother going but felt bad as they had bought all the staff tickets. She said she told her bosses that she couldnt make it because she had "lost the key to her wardrobe" (which she locked to stop her sister nicking them) and therefore had nothing to wear.

I said that it was probably the worst most unbelievable excuse I have ever heard. Anyone else had or dished out any such unbelievable yarns to get out of stuff?
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Comments

  • Charlton Athletic are at home.

    Nobody in their right mind would seriously choose Charlton above anything at the moment.

    I am not in my right mind!
  • A tenant in a property I once owned told me that he could not pay his rent that week because, "My Dad has been kidnapped by aliens."
  • Worst for me is when I heard my Mrs using my epilepsy to get out of a work thing.
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  • Remember when I was younger (early teens) I had a good friend who I met up with most Saturdays - this one weekend though he cancelled because he was putting the fairy on top of the Christmas tree.

    We drifted apart and havent seen him for over 10-years now but still laugh about it on my side of the family
  • Literally the third time this has come up today. I like to say it's the Jewish holiday of Sukot*. There are like 17,000 Jewish holidays because we have 5,000 years of bad things happening to us that we** need to celebrate/remember so every day is probably a Jewish holiday of some sort.

    *I have no idea what Sukot actually is or when it occurs

    **I'm an atheist and have been a non-observant Jew most of my life
  • Remember when I was younger (early teens) I had a good friend who I met up with most Saturdays - this one weekend though he cancelled because he was putting the fairy on top of the Christmas tree.

    We drifted apart and havent seen him for over 10-years now but still laugh about it on my side of the family

    My best mate growing up was ALWAYS late. In the end a few of us called him out on it and he made some nonsense excuse up.

    From then on his Grandfather seemed to have monthly birthday parties: "Sorry for being late, my Grandfather was over for his birthday."... Every time. That poor git must've aged quicker than a dog.

    I think it's 8 years since we've spoken properly now, and to be entirely fair, he ended up veryyyy weird. A bit of a Walter Mitty, and there's a bit of ill feeling over how self absorbed the utter wanker became. Did some unforgivable things by being a bit self absorbed, and a complete liability. That's a whole darker thread though.
  • I managed a guy last year who regularly took a few days off (2 weeks with one bout?) with "I feel a bit tired and I've got the shits."; I began to worry about his health until I realised that this mysterious illness always popped up when we actually had work to do.

    Fair play for picking an excuse that you don't really want to question though...
  • Oh sorry I have to take my son to the doctors tomorrow he is in a bad place

    (Once used when he was at my ex wife's and I had just got on it a bit too much the night before)

    Believable because I have also had to do this for real, thank goodness the lad is ok.
  • LuckyReds said:

    I managed a guy last year who regularly took a few days off (2 weeks with one bout?) with "I feel a bit tired and I've got the shits."; I began to worry about his health until I realised that this mysterious illness always popped up when we actually had work to do.

    Fair play for picking an excuse that you don't really want to question though...

    This is a stock excuse in my company. I tend to use the throwing up all night option, but as long as my staff don't do it too much I let it slide.
  • 3blokes said:

    To my eternal shame, when I was a kid, me and my mate Larry decided we were going to run away from home. We were both 7. I suspect we both had "issues" at the time. Anyway we decided we were going to survive by a life of crime, nicking sweets and comics, life's essential ingredients, from the local newsagents, which we had managed to do on several occasions, thieving little bastards that we were.
    So after school we went to live in the local woods. It was all going great, till about 6o'clock when it started to get dark and Larry needed a dump. We realised we had not stolen an important piece of kit - toilet paper. So I suggested he use leaves.
    10 minutes later, as he emerged slowly from behind a tree, Larry's face suggested it had not gone too well with the leaves. It was decided quite quickly after that, that we would go home.
    But what to say?
    I decided to adapt an idea I had read in Shadow The Sheep Dog by Enid Blyton, which involved a group of older boys marching us off as we walked home and making us say our 7 times tables, and not letting us go till we got them right. That sounded plausible enough in the woods to me and a rather agitated looking Larry.
    I must have had the potential of a budding Olivier, because after getting a huge wallop from my gran on my return, I began to spin this ridiculous yarn which my dear mum, bless her, believed all her life. I feel terrible about that. And she's in a home with dementia now, so no point really bringing it up now anyway
    The police interviewed us, as did the Headmaster, and I was never convinced they fully believed it, especially the times table bit.
    We caused the people that cared about us so much panic that evening, we were a pair of little shits.
    And in Larry's case, not just figuratively.

    The spirit of running away at that young age maybe a little genetically passed down, though you sound lot more sophisticated. You and Larry sound like you have seen an episode of modern day Ray Mears.....and wished to replicate.

    One of my earliest memories.

    My mother made the mistake of telling me she was taking me to get my haircut. So while she went to the toilet before we were about to leave, I legged it. Went to a friends house the otherside of town.

    May have been younger then 7, in fact I might have only been 3. Not sure to be honest.

    In terms of excuse, I think I was pretty direct.

    "You was taking too long on the toilet, I was at the front door ready to go and it got on my nerves".

    I only remember getting hysterically panic shouted at upon my return.

    I think the police were called briefly, to be safe due to worry.

    Thinking about it, I knew what I was doing, and that's why I was a major little shit.

    Sorry mum.
  • At school, we had a teacher who used to mumble the end of his sentences, particularly if it was something unimportant. He also used to wave away our excuses if we were late for his lesson and mumble "hurry up". On one occasion, I arranged for about ten of us to arrive at ten second intervals and say the same something "I'm sorry I'm late but I ner ner ner ner", imitating his end of sentence mumble. Sure enough, he waved the first nine in mumbling "hurry up". Then, it came to me. He first of all asked me to speak up and asked what my excuse was. So, I repeated "I'm sorry I'm late but I ner ner ner ner". To a class full of laughter, he went bonkers.
  • LuckyReds said:

    I managed a guy last year who regularly took a few days off (2 weeks with one bout?) with "I feel a bit tired and I've got the shits."; I began to worry about his health until I realised that this mysterious illness always popped up when we actually had work to do.

    Fair play for picking an excuse that you don't really want to question though...

    Bellyache and the runs? Hope he's better now, the TwoBobBits often surface when work gets tough
  • Remember when I was younger (early teens) I had a good friend who I met up with most Saturdays - this one weekend though he cancelled because he was putting the fairy on top of the Christmas tree.

    We drifted apart and havent seen him for over 10-years now but still laugh about it on my side of the family

    Did you not take the hint when he used that excuse at Easter?
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  • 3blokes said:

    To my eternal shame, when I was a kid, me and my mate Larry decided we were going to run away from home. We were both 7. I suspect we both had "issues" at the time. Anyway we decided we were going to survive by a life of crime, nicking sweets and comics, life's essential ingredients, from the local newsagents, which we had managed to do on several occasions, thieving little bastards that we were.
    So after school we went to live in the local woods. It was all going great, till about 6o'clock when it started to get dark and Larry needed a dump. We realised we had not stolen an important piece of kit - toilet paper. So I suggested he use leaves.
    10 minutes later, as he emerged slowly from behind a tree, Larry's face suggested it had not gone too well with the leaves. It was decided quite quickly after that, that we would go home.
    But what to say?
    I decided to adapt an idea I had read in Shadow The Sheep Dog by Enid Blyton, which involved a group of older boys marching us off as we walked home and making us say our 7 times tables, and not letting us go till we got them right. That sounded plausible enough in the woods to me and a rather agitated looking Larry.
    I must have had the potential of a budding Olivier, because after getting a huge wallop from my gran on my return, I began to spin this ridiculous yarn which my dear mum, bless her, believed all her life. I feel terrible about that. And she's in a home with dementia now, so no point really bringing it up now anyway
    The police interviewed us, as did the Headmaster, and I was never convinced they fully believed it, especially the times table bit.
    We caused the people that cared about us so much panic that evening, we were a pair of little shits.
    And in Larry's case, not just figuratively.

    Pretty much every sentence in that story made me feel really sad.
  • "I'm washing my hair"
  • 3blokes said:

    To my eternal shame, when I was a kid, me and my mate Larry decided we were going to run away from home. We were both 7. I suspect we both had "issues" at the time. Anyway we decided we were going to survive by a life of crime, nicking sweets and comics, life's essential ingredients, from the local newsagents, which we had managed to do on several occasions, thieving little bastards that we were.
    So after school we went to live in the local woods. It was all going great, till about 6o'clock when it started to get dark and Larry needed a dump. We realised we had not stolen an important piece of kit - toilet paper. So I suggested he use leaves.
    10 minutes later, as he emerged slowly from behind a tree, Larry's face suggested it had not gone too well with the leaves. It was decided quite quickly after that, that we would go home.
    But what to say?
    I decided to adapt an idea I had read in Shadow The Sheep Dog by Enid Blyton, which involved a group of older boys marching us off as we walked home and making us say our 7 times tables, and not letting us go till we got them right. That sounded plausible enough in the woods to me and a rather agitated looking Larry.
    I must have had the potential of a budding Olivier, because after getting a huge wallop from my gran on my return, I began to spin this ridiculous yarn which my dear mum, bless her, believed all her life. I feel terrible about that. And she's in a home with dementia now, so no point really bringing it up now anyway
    The police interviewed us, as did the Headmaster, and I was never convinced they fully believed it, especially the times table bit.
    We caused the people that cared about us so much panic that evening, we were a pair of little shits.
    And in Larry's case, not just figuratively.

    Pretty much every sentence in that story made me feel really sad.
    Yes, it is a pretty terrible story. I don't know quite what was happening with Larry, but there had been some huge upheaval in my life at that time, I was 7, and I had the moral compass of a pirate.
    But I did learn something from it ( and not just my 7 times table)
  • "I'm washing my hair"

    Bobby Charlton likes that one allegedly.
  • "I'm washing my hair"

    Put it in the washing machine, then tumble dry on hot to give it volume....Trump and Boris Johnson have made blatant cheap syrups acceptable for the over 50s
  • In my younger days used the standard excuse of diarrhea etc. I'd then collect my kit and go play tennis.

    As a kid, about 10 or 11, had an argument at home. Thought I'd show them all by running away. Was gone a few hours, changed my mind (it probably looked like it was going to rain) and went back. No one had even noticed I was gone!
    That's what you get when you have 3 older siblings who have basically done it all already.
  • Just chatting to my missus about the London Eye and she said she was supposed to go on it for a work thing once Christmas but didnt want to bother going but felt bad as they had bought all the staff tickets. She said she told her bosses that she couldnt make it because she had "lost the key to her wardrobe" (which she locked to stop her sister nicking them) and therefore had nothing to wear.

    I said that it was probably the worst most unbelievable excuse I have ever heard. Anyone else had or dished out any such unbelievable yarns to get out of stuff?

    Her sister wanted to nick your wardrobes?!
  • "We're all out of KY"
  • Admin in here who say

    "I'll look into it"
  • Sorry my Greyhound ate my "to do" list.
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