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Weirdest things that have happened to you on a date

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  • Sorry @i_b_b_o_r_g that's a deserved flagging.

    Don't apologise luv
  • If she's furry all over, you're in the Pelt On Arms.
  • edited August 2016
    fatkit said:

    ok, after 10pm, I'm all in

    16, first date, Sidcup ABC, dad drove us both there, she lived in Chislehurst, I lived in the cup, film was absolute beginners, which was, universally critiqued as absolutely shite....not that that's actually anything you as the reader cares about. Anyways....

    Heavy petting throughout, I'm bedecked in my finest mid to late 80's Sidcup soul patrol linen and such like, rocking a wedge up top, she tells me halfway through said film and said petting, that she needs to go to the khasi as she's too juiced up...

    I thought it was disgusting, binned her off the next day

    What a total idiot I was then, oh for the wife to say that to me today.

    Jesus. My first date involved a cinema too, but with a completely different ending.. I'd have loved that one.

    I was 15 and the film was "PS I Love You" - she told me she'd read the book and it was brilliant. It was absolutely feckin' dire. There's me though, a hormonal teenager who is intently watching every second of this shit - fully expecting an interrogation after we leave.

    I was so nervous and immersed in studying this film - a film which still takes the crown for the most painful pile of shit I've ever had the misfortune of watching - that when the lights came on at the end I realised she'd been asleep. Turns out she got 10 minutes in, decided it was shit and nodded off.

    Still, she was a Charlton girl and I still see her in passing at The Valley every now and again. So she wasn't that bad. (Although I do pretend I haven't noticed her...)
  • I once arranged a blind date and told her I would be the one on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in the cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under my arm.

    I was still there at 9:30.

    She'd lost her watch?
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  • I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.
  • Carter said:

    Or a driven woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it

    *Sees most recent comment by Carter on front screen to find this.

    Disappointed Face
  • I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
  • I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
    No, she's a whore!

  • I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
    No, she's a whore!

    Only if she blows you out but gets piped by all the other boys in the pub
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  • I got offered a 3some once (me and 2 birds), but turned it down.

    That's the trouble with wild fowlers. No gun, no fun.
  • Carter said:

    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
    No, she's a whore!

    Only if she blows you out but gets piped by all the other boys in the pub
    Is that at the same time?
  • Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    Why didn't you just go to A&E?
  • She should have used no more nails to stick the things on.
  • Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    I hope your parents are not members of Charlton Life!

    Well done btw.
  • Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    I hope your parents are not members of Charlton Life!

    Well done btw.
    What worries me is, he probably still has the photos on his phone. :(
  • edited August 2016

    Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    Why didn't you just go to A&E?
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kRqaDh_RKCU

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