Now we all know, of course, that we are very very lucky, to have the B.O. He is a real stable genius, just like that other one. Because yes, they both know what hay is, and that cows and horses look different. And it is indeed brilliant that our B.O can spare 2% of his valuable time sorting out VERY DIFFICULT contract negotiations whilst trying to sell us to literally any old fuck he can find that will cough up the dough.
But I know some of you might sometimes wonder - WHAT THE CRAPPING HELL DOES HE DO ALL DAY?
Well, let’s take a moment to look at a typical breakdown of his week:
3% - searching down the sides of other people’s sofas for old coins while they’re out of the room making him a coffee.
17% - staring at his next door neighbour’s fence which he has noticed has an imprint picture of The Bay City Rollers if he looks at it long enough.
1% - chatting to his fridge.
12% - trying to cook sausages using only the power of his mind.
7% - seeing if he can pick up a chip with his big toes.
15% - inventing a new board game called Football Club Owner where the object of the game is to build luxury hotels and piss everybody off.
25% - managing his other business interests which are absolutely fantastic, MUCH more important and don’t protest all the effing time about absolutely everything.
10% - dressing up as a dalek for relaxation.
5% - biting his shed bench for “something to do”.
Now you might notice that this does not add up to 100%. But that’s because you’re not following the BODMAS. ( the B.O duz maffs’n’shit)
Anyway, let’s leave this busy guy, and just hope he gets SOME business done SOON for everybody’s sake.
Breaking news......3blokes considering offer from Newcastle to start thread: How many days till barrow boy Mike sell Newcastle United.
Quote from 3blokes: This might be my only chance to write a thread in the Premier But I'm Charlton and after hearing CL members had a whip round and raised 4 shirt buttons, 3 tiddlywinks counters, a 2p coin and 1 used contact lens how could I leave before this sad chapter has come to a conclusion.
Oh my days, who said there's no loyalty in football any more.
No, it’s more a case that outside the bin men decided to re enact the Battle of Hastings with bins at about 6.30 this morning. Never mind, it’s a nice day
Breaking news......3blokes considering offer from Newcastle to start thread: How many days till barrow boy Mike sell Newcastle United.
Quote from 3blokes: This might be my only chance to write a thread in the Premier But I'm Charlton and after hearing CL members had a whip round and raised 4 shirt buttons, 3 tiddlywinks counters, a 2p coin and 1 used contact lens how could I leave before this sad chapter has come to a conclusion.
Oh my days, who said there's no loyalty in football any more.
The management have had a word with him and convinced @3blokes that he might be better off seeing out his contract on CharltonLife before transferring across to NewcastleLife
Breaking news......3blokes considering offer from Newcastle to start thread: How many days till barrow boy Mike sell Newcastle United.
Quote from 3blokes: This might be my only chance to write a thread in the Premier But I'm Charlton and after hearing CL members had a whip round and raised 4 shirt buttons, 3 tiddlywinks counters, a 2p coin and 1 used contact lens how could I leave before this sad chapter has come to a conclusion.
Oh my days, who said there's no loyalty in football any more.
The management have had a word with him and convinced @3blokes that he might be better off seeing out his contract on CharltonLife before transferring across to NewcastleLife
I can't reveal my source but 3blokes had a mid night phone call from AFKA doubling his shirt buttons and told that promotes would come his way. This was a U-turn after being told he was being greedy and they had reached an impasse. 3blokes has a one years rolling contract and you can count on this info being correct. This despite being offered a shed load of money by Newcastle life.
This is a statement about all my other statements.
Because it has come to my attention that people have not been reading them prolerpy. A statement that is not read prolerpy is a very bad thing. So here is some guidance for everyone on how to understand my statements.
First of all, if you read a statement of mine and it makes no sense at all, check initially is the statement upside down? Is it actually my statement? Have you picked up a knitting pattern by mistake? Or are you in fact staring at the side of a cow?
Once you have established you deffo have my statement, check your reading position. Are you upside down? Are you trying to read the statement whilst jumping out of a plane? Are you in a very dark cave?
Assuming the above is all in order, commence the reading of the statement. Maintain a steady intake of breath. Don’t start wondering what the neighbours are doing next door in their garden, concentrate. If it still makes no sense, stop reading immediately. FFS. You idiot! You are not reading it prolerpy. Check quickly one more time that you are not looking at the side of a cow, and then slowly put the statement ( or cow) down.
Remember, the statement is the visionary work of a genius, so if it seems like a complete load of bollocks to you, the problem has been identified.
It is you. You muppet.
This statement is over now. Ffs, just put it down!
Well, I would like to thank the B.O this morning for those enlightening and helpful notes on his statements which I am sure will benefit us all going forward.
I have thought of an alternative solution to the inexplicable statement conundrum.
Google-translate it back into Flemish, then into French, then into German (the 3 official languages of Belgium), and then finally back into English, before looking at it in a mirror.
This should mangle the statement to the point where it is impossible to make head or tail of it, thereby saving Addicks hours of angst as they try to make sense of the senseless and comprehend the incomprehensible, and lowering blood pressure all round.
Or alternatively, we can accept that whenever B.O. does not get his own way, he gets into a temper, hits the bottle, & "in vino veritas" loses it.
Like a hamster on a treadmill, destined to repeat its journey with minor variations day to day u too at the weekend it has a short go out in its mobile hamster ball. Life is repetitive and bleak and then you die.
Day 2019. If it feels more like Year 2019, well, of course, in many ways it is. But howsoever, whatsoever, and notwithstanding, he’s still here. Ohlongdrawnoutforcryingoutloud...
Comments
He’s still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud
Day 2009 and 2010.
Now we all know, of course, that we are very very lucky, to have the B.O. He is a real stable genius, just like that other one. Because yes, they both know what hay is, and that cows and horses look different. And it is indeed brilliant that our B.O can spare 2% of his valuable time sorting out VERY DIFFICULT contract negotiations whilst trying to sell us to literally any old fuck he can find that will cough up the dough.
But I know some of you might sometimes wonder - WHAT THE CRAPPING HELL DOES HE DO ALL DAY?
Well, let’s take a moment to look at a typical breakdown of his week:
3% - searching down the sides of other people’s sofas for old coins while they’re out of the room making him a coffee.
17% - staring at his next door neighbour’s fence which he has noticed has an imprint picture of The Bay City Rollers if he looks at it long enough.
1% - chatting to his fridge.
12% - trying to cook sausages using only the power of his mind.
7% - seeing if he can pick up a chip with his big toes.
15% - inventing a new board game called Football Club Owner where the object of the game is to build luxury hotels and piss everybody off.
25% - managing his other business interests which are absolutely fantastic, MUCH more important and don’t protest all the effing time about absolutely everything.
10% - dressing up as a dalek for relaxation.
5% - biting his shed bench for “something to do”.
Now you might notice that this does not add up to 100%. But that’s because you’re not following the BODMAS. ( the B.O duz maffs’n’shit)
Anyway, let’s leave this busy guy, and just hope he gets SOME business done SOON for everybody’s sake.
He’s still here.
Oh forcryingoutloud..
Judging by the video evidence, it HAS to be picking up a chip with his toes!
How many days till barrow boy Mike sell Newcastle United.
Quote from 3blokes:
This might be my only chance to write a thread in the Premier But I'm Charlton and after hearing CL members had a whip round and raised 4 shirt buttons, 3 tiddlywinks counters, a 2p coin and 1 used contact lens how could I leave before this sad chapter has come to a conclusion.
Oh my days, who said there's no loyalty in football any more.
He’s still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud
Yesterday our candidate for The Football Twat Of The Year made yet another very strong claim for the title.
He’s still here.
Oh fuck..
He’s still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud
He's still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud
Never mind, it’s a nice day
He’s still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud...
This despite being offered a shed load of money by Newcastle life.
Day 2016 and 2017
A Statement from the B.O.
This is a statement about all my other statements.
Because it has come to my attention that people have not been reading them prolerpy. A statement that is not read prolerpy is a very bad thing. So here is some guidance for everyone on how to understand my statements.
First of all, if you read a statement of mine and it makes no sense at all, check initially is the statement upside down? Is it actually my statement? Have you picked up a knitting pattern by mistake? Or are you in fact staring at the side of a cow?
Once you have established you deffo have my statement, check your reading position. Are you upside down? Are you trying to read the statement whilst jumping out of a plane? Are you in a very dark cave?
Assuming the above is all in order, commence the reading of the statement. Maintain a steady intake of breath. Don’t start wondering what the neighbours are doing next door in their garden, concentrate. If it still makes no sense, stop reading immediately. FFS. You idiot! You are not reading it prolerpy. Check quickly one more time that you are not looking at the side of a cow, and then slowly put the statement ( or cow) down.
Remember, the statement is the visionary work of a genius, so if it seems like a complete load of bollocks to you, the problem has been identified.
It is you. You muppet.
This statement is over now. Ffs, just put it down!
Well, I would like to thank the B.O this morning for those enlightening and helpful notes on his statements which I am sure will benefit us all going forward.
He’s still here.
Oh forcryingoutloud...
You are one of the very few people who have a job for life.
Well undertakers obviously, plus nurses and care workers, and Brexit negotiator and skilled folk who put the holes in polos and bagels and...
Google-translate it back into Flemish, then into French, then into German (the 3 official languages of Belgium), and then finally back into English, before looking at it in a mirror.
This should mangle the statement to the point where it is impossible to make head or tail of it, thereby saving Addicks hours of angst as they try to make sense of the senseless and comprehend the incomprehensible, and lowering blood pressure all round.
Or alternatively, we can accept that whenever B.O. does not get his own way, he gets into a temper, hits the bottle, & "in vino veritas" loses it.
He's still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud
i must be having a good day today 😁
If it feels more like Year 2019, well, of course, in many ways it is.
But howsoever, whatsoever, and notwithstanding, he’s still here.
Ohlongdrawnoutforcryingoutloud...
He’s still here.
Oh forcryingoutloud
He’s still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud
He’s still here.
Ohforcryingoutloud.