It is yet another Saturday morning and The B.O is in his shed counting out portions of chips. Mrs. B.O comes in with his coffee and little amaretto biscuit, and today she has a few people with her. “ Here’s your coffee.” She says “ And these people are from a new political party, and they want to talk to you.” The B.O. looks up. “Ah!” He says brightly. “ Of course, you are after some guidance and advice! You know I set up my political own party, Viva!” “ Viva? What you mean....like the old Vauxhall? “ says one man. “ Yes, exactly.“ says Mrs. B.O. with a grimace. “It was a pile of old shite that he never did get going.” She leaves with a sigh. The B.O. suddenly eyes the people suspiciously. “ Hey, you’re not from BOOT are you?” He says. “ BOOT?” Says a woman, puzzled. “ Best Owners Out Today.” Says The B.O. “No!” Says the woman. “ we’re from —“ “ Hold on, wait a minute.... you’re not from that SWOT lot, are you? Stupid Wankers Out Today?” Says The B.O. “ No, we’re from —“ begins one man. “ Are you from SCOT, then?” says The B.O. “ SCOT?” Says another man. “What’s that?” “ Similar to SWOT, but a little more earthy.” Says The B.O. “ No!” Says another woman. “We’re from ROT.” “Oh.” Says The B.O. “Now I’ve heard of them. Isn’t it a protest party about some awful old bloke who they say has fucked up a load of football clubs across Europe, and he’s this weirdo who thinks he’s a fucking visionary!” “Yes. That’s the one.” says a man. “It stands for Roland Out Today.” “Oh, that’s funny, he’s got the same first name as me!” says the B.O. with a chuckle. He takes a sip of coffee and a bite of his biscuit. “ So.....” He says. “This Roland of yours.... he’s out today, is he? Where’s he gone? Anywhere nice?”
Let’s leave the worthy members of ROT considering the places they would like shove a placard or two, let’s wish them well on their endeavours and let us remember one thing (as if we could ever forget) - He’s still here. Oh fuck
Today B.O. is treating himself to a coffee and a biscuit in a grand café (a bit of an oxymoron!) because Mrs B.O. is out. He has just had a message brought to his shed by a pigeon called Coo, and he has been mulling over its contents.
He punches a number into his mobile. We only hear his end of the conversation.
“Hi Turkey! I hear those ROTten vinegar pisser ants are stirring again. Must be something to do with the weather or the time of year.” “Well, I expect you to do something to stop them swarming over here, of course!” “FFs – get them round a table – a few biscuits should attract them – but don’t give away anything which matters”
He turns back to his now-lukewarm coffee and spies a column of black specks marching across the table towards his biscuit. He mutters under his breath, but we just catch his words… “Oh fuck, they’re still here!”
It is yet another Saturday morning and The B.O is in his shed counting out portions of chips. Mrs. B.O comes in with his coffee and little amaretto biscuit, and today she has a few people with her. “ Here’s your coffee.” She says “ And these people are from a new political party, and they want to talk to you.” The B.O. looks up. “Ah!” He says brightly. “ Of course, you are after some guidance and advice! You know I set up my political own party, Viva!” “ Viva? What you mean....like the old Vauxhall? “ says one man. “ Yes, exactly.“ says Mrs. B.O. with a grimace. “It was a pile of old shite that he never did get going.” She leaves with a sigh. The B.O. suddenly eyes the people suspiciously. “ Hey, you’re not from BOOT are you?” He says. “ BOOT?” Says a woman, puzzled. “ Best Owners Out Today.” Says The B.O. “No!” Says the woman. “ we’re from —“ “ Hold on, wait a minute.... you’re not from that SWOT lot, are you? Stupid Wankers Out Today?” Says The B.O. “ No, we’re from —“ begins one man. “ Are you from SCOT, then?” says The B.O. “ SCOT?” Says another man. “What’s that?” “ Similar to SWOT, but a little more earthy.” Says The B.O. “ No!” Says another woman. “We’re from ROT.” “Oh.” Says The B.O. “Now I’ve heard of them. Isn’t it a protest party about some awful old bloke who they say has fucked up a load of football clubs across Europe, and he’s this weirdo who thinks he’s a fucking visionary!” “Yes. That’s the one.” says a man. “It stands for Roland Out Today.” “Oh, that’s funny, he’s got the same first name as me!” says the B.O. with a chuckle. He takes a sip of coffee and a bite of his biscuit. “ So.....” He says. “This Roland of yours.... he’s out today, is he? Where’s he gone? Anywhere nice?”
Let’s leave the worthy members of ROT considering the places they would like shove a placard or two, let’s wish them well on their endeavours and let us remember one thing (as if we could ever forget) - He’s still here. Oh fuck
Comments
He’s still here.
Oh fuck..
He’s still here.
Oh see you next Tuesday fuck..
Oh fuck is he really still here.
He’s still here.
Oh proper fuck
Another bin day. He’s still here.
Oh early morning rubbish fuck.
Today B.O. is treating himself to a coffee and a biscuit in a grand café (a bit of an oxymoron!) because Mrs B.O. is out.
He has just had a message brought to his shed by a pigeon called Coo, and he has been mulling over its contents.
He punches a number into his mobile. We only hear his end of the conversation.
“Hi Turkey! I hear those ROTten vinegar pisser ants are stirring again. Must be something to do with the weather or the time of year.”
“Well, I expect you to do something to stop them swarming over here, of course!”
“FFs – get them round a table – a few biscuits should attract them – but don’t give away anything which matters”
He turns back to his now-lukewarm coffee and spies a column of black specks marching across the table towards his biscuit.
He mutters under his breath, but we just catch his words…
“Oh fuck, they’re still here!”
The feeling is mutual.
He’s still here, warming all our hearts.
Oh fuck off fuck...
He’s still here.
Oh fuck..
He’s still here.
Oh fuck...
He’s still here.
Oh fuck..
He’s still here.
Oh great fat fuck..
He’s still here.
Oh tight arse fuck...
FUCK!!!
He’s still here.
Oh pestilent fuck...
Hold on. That killed you in a week! Bollox he ain't any good at that either...
He’s still here.
Oh fuck...
He’s still here.
Oh fuck..
He’s still here.
Oh fuck....
He’s still here.
Oh show yourself up in yet another interview why don’t you fuck..
He’s still here.
Oh total fuck..
(no, sadly, probably not that)
Nice result today
He’s still here.
Oh fuck..