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Father's Rights

Hello all! I am in a bit of a bad situation at the moment.

After a few disagreements with my 4 year old sons mum, things came to a head last week after I asked her to respect boundaries after she had belittled and disrespected me after a discussion about his school. Now she has been adament about maintaining a friendship, but she has made this harder, has manipulated me and continually threaten to stop me from seeing my son every time we disagree.

Been trying to resolve this over text and whilst I have been respectful and constructively saying my point, she has responded rudely with nothing but vitriolic comments such as "stay in you f in lane" and "you do not want to piss me off" her mum has also left a cold, threatening voicemail as well!

I am not sure what to do, has anyone got any knowledge of family court or what I can do. I feel no matter what I'm not going to get anywhere with her at all! She has said to meet me tomorrow at hers, but I'm apprehensive, I mean this is a woman who has bit her mums face.

Comments

  • edited September 2015
    Film the whole thing

    download
  • Good luck too you in my experience Women hold all the cards and you hold hardly any at all . It's got to be a travesty in the 21st century. I did go down the court route and for about 18 months my daughter came down once a month . Unfortunately this ended last September and I now drive from North Kent to Basingstoke to see my girl for a couple of hours every month .
  • Sorry to hear you are having Trouble Twigs, hope you are ok mate. Not got any advice, but if the situation appears volatile maybe consider leaving things for a few days to allow a bit of calming down?
  • Try mediation.
  • You now have to try mediation before you go to court. She may not want to do this so I think it's after that you can apply to family court. There maybe other things that prevent you going to mediation. If your child is four you should automatically have parental responsibility which is a good thing.
    Solicoters are expensive as you can guess.
    Talk to the school and they will share all you want to know about your child
    Keep a note of everything like DA9 says.
    Any money you pay no matter how petty it sounds should be paid into you ex's account with a reference to your child's upbringing/ maintenance or you won't have a leg to stand on if he CSA comes calling!!

    Here is the details of the family court. This is as I'm assuming that you live in SE London.
    It will then be past over to a more local court after that.

    HM Courts and tribunals
    The Family court at East London
    6th and 7th floors
    11 westferry Circus
    Entrance in Columbus Courtyard
    London
    E14 4HD

    02031972886

    Good luck and never give up no mater how hard it gets!!
  • Hello all! I am in a bit of a bad situation at the moment.

    After a few disagreements with my 4 year old sons mum, things came to a head last week after I asked her to respect boundaries after she had belittled and disrespected me after a discussion about his school. Now she has been adament about maintaining a friendship, but she has made this harder, has manipulated me and continually threaten to stop me from seeing my son every time we disagree.

    Been trying to resolve this over text and whilst I have been respectful and constructively saying my point, she has responded rudely with nothing but vitriolic comments such as "stay in you f in lane" and "you do not want to piss me off" her mum has also left a cold, threatening voicemail as well!

    I am not sure what to do, has anyone got any knowledge of family court or what I can do. I feel no matter what I'm not going to get anywhere with her at all! She has said to meet me tomorrow at hers, but I'm apprehensive, I mean this is a woman who has bit her mums face.

    Be careful about meeting her alone. You could open yourself to allegations.
    Suggest meet in a public place.
  • DA9 makes an extremely good point ...Keep a record of all conversations, date and time.
  • edited September 2015

    Your Ex sounds like my ex. I wish I could give you some great advice, but in reality the fathers rights barely exist beyond fortnightly access at best. Nothing else is ever enforced despite more than one court order. My ex had breached one order in 7 different areas including totally denying access. She wasnt even reprimanded by the judge never mind punished. In fact he amended the order in her favour to make life easier for her.

    Best advice I can give is be patient, be a good dad when you do see your son, and be prepared for another 14 years of her calling the shots. Stand your ground, but dont get involved in the games. You can't win.

    Did I mention patience?

    Totally agree, and the family court is a law unto itself so avoid it other than a last resort.

    I do think we talk a lot of father's rights and forget a father's responsibilities. "Be a good dad when you do see your son" - absolutely right, and when you don't too. It's hard, it's not a game but it is a long term work and in the long term your kids will see their parents for what they really are. Be kind, even to their mum, even when she's at her worst, and make things as easy as possible, always, for your lad. Never say a word against his mum in front of him.

    A record of wrongs - although it sounds like a good idea and would probably work in most other circumstances - isn't really as helpful as you'd think, to be honest. The courts aren't interested, they are concerned for the child firstly - and they will consider that you need to learn to see your ex in a different light. Not fair, but it's the way they work - as blackheathaddick said of his experience, she wasn't even reprimanded. They're not interested in what's gone, so make sure your kid can talk well of you and they'll be sympathetic towards you for the future.
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  • edited September 2015
    Some good advice here.
    Based on my own experience there are times when you simply have to bite your tongue and not react. At the end of the day just try to maintain as much contact as you can keep your head down and get on with it because the important bit is you and your kid and the relationship you develop and keep. That's the part your child will appreciate in later years and so will you, because it will make all the crap worth it.
    I really hope you get the chance to do that, because kids being used as possessions to negotiate and threaten ex partners with is so wrong.
    Good luck Twiggy I really mean that.
  • It really is wrong how a mother can hold all the cards in this day and age.

    Best of luck Twiggy.
  • Try mediation.

    Brother done this and seemed to help and now things run smoothly, she was totally against going at first, but its worked out

  • JohnBoyUK said:

    It really is wrong how a mother can hold all the cards in this day and age.

    Best of luck Twiggy.

    It's not always like that John. When my wifes previous marriage broke down the husband refused to let her see the kids. The courts threatened him with prison but the kids would have had to go into care as my wife wasn't working. She wouldn't do that that so he got custody.
  • JohnBoyUK said:

    It really is wrong how a mother can hold all the cards in this day and age.

    Best of luck Twiggy.

    It's not always like that John. When my wifes previous marriage broke down the husband refused to let her see the kids. The courts threatened him with prison but the kids would have had to go into care as my wife wasn't working. She wouldn't do that that so he got custody.
    Ah, ok. Thats how I've seen it through my eyes with friends and family in a similar position.

    I've got one friend who hasnt seen his daughter since she was 6 months old. She turned 18 earlier this year. He hasnt seen her once, despite years of going through the courts and the mother breaking every single rule going. Pure evil acting like that.

    Of course, it doesnt always pan out like that. I've got a work colleague who hasnt seen his two kids in over a decade purely because he doesnt want anything to do with his ex-wife. When I asked him whether he missed his kids, he said absolutely not. I still remember what went through my head at that moment. One of disbelief. How on earth could you be like that with your own flesh and blood? It kills me not seeing my daughter from one week to the next. I've been doing it 7 and a bit years now and it still doesnt get any easier. Yet you get someone like that who just doesnt care and hasnt seen his kids in years through choice!

    Anyhow, enough negativity.
  • No such thing.. Believe me if she is as nasty as my ex you will loose... 4 years and counting since I last see my baby.. Wouldn't even know what he looked like now.. Just hope my maintenance goes on my son and not his scum bag mother
  • edited November 2015
    A bit late but wanted to say thanks for the advice here from everyone, the situationcalmed down but yet again another disagreement kicks things off, my exs mother than says she isnt letting my son go anywhere, even though I am due to be taking him for the weekend this evening.

    I explained my position and now my sons mum is talking absolute waffle about money being more important than my son, simply because I said that if my time with him keeps being interrupted I would hold any money back into the situation is resolved, so now I feel I have no chocie but to go through the courts.

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