"who are you supporting in the world cup semi finals? because me and Grandma are supporting Holland, because Britain and Argentina had a war, because of some islands"
"can you remember the name of the Islands your Grandma told you the conflict was about?"
youngest came home from first day in reception last week, I get in from work.
me - nice day at school? Jas - yes dad me - make any new friends did you? Jas (without even looking up from watching Team Umizomi) - yes Dad, Micky and weirdo.. me - thats nice, who's weirdo.......
Last year, at a school where I work, there was an "International" day. One 4yo came to school wearing an Australian hat with accompanying corks. The teaching asked the class if anybody knew the purpose of the corks; the first response from a 4yo old was "to keep the Kangaroos away" !!!
Many years back now but when my wife was carrying our second child our daughter just kept asking questions so that my wife eventually had to gently explain in a bit more detail. After hearing an explanation of how babies are made she asked:-
"Are you going to have any more babies" Wife - "No I don't think so" "No you wouldn't want to do that again would you"
We used to live in Greenwich ground floor overlooking Thames, well my son who was at the time started being shit scared of the window, had to have the curtains shut, everything, 'don't like it', don't like it'
Don't like what we kept asking and hed end up crying and running to our bed.
Well, we worked out that hed always hear us talk about the Canary Wharf as it was directly opposite our Living Room Window and wed often say it as we closed curtains etc.
So, as a 3 year olds imagination goes all he hears daddy say is the 'Kin-Hairy-Wolf' outside our window. absolute shit himself for weeks but was harder trying to explain what Canary Wharf meant to be honest.
Whilst discussing with one of my boys tonight about farm animals, I asked him to name three animals that don't live on farms. He replied with T-Rex, caterpillars and penguins :-)
I had spent 20 minutes on the phone to my works IT trying to sort my remote access out on the laptop. It had been painfull as the guy was foreign, had a strong accent and my hearing is shit. Just as we were getting somewhere my phone lost its signal and cut off the call, prompting me to throw the phone across the room. My daughter was at the table, stopped what she was doing and said "daddy, it won't work if you do that to it" in the same tone that my teacher wife uses whenever I do anything wrong.
A couple of weeks ago I said to my 6 year old son , do you wanna come Charlton on saturday . He said , no Dad . I said come on it will be fun , he said no Dad . I then said come on , i'll buy you some lego ! He said , NO DAD , stop forcing me to go ....
My nephew (nearly 10) who has been bought up Millwall by he's mean mean parents and even regularly goes millwall has suddenly decided he supports Southampton, he's asked for the kit for his birthday and everything. I'm looking forward to buying it. (Really random as he lives in sittingbourne)
Last year at our school, the young pupils were encouraged to wear their national costumes for an "International Day". One young lad had a typical Australian hat with corks attached. The teacher asked the other pupils if any knew the purpose of the corks on the Australian hat. One such pupil replied "to keep away the kangaroos" - classic!
Last year at our school, the young pupils were encouraged to wear their national costumes for an "International Day". One young lad had a typical Australian hat with corks attached. The teacher asked the other pupils if any knew the purpose of the corks on the Australian hat. One such pupil replied "to keep away the kangaroos" - classic!
My niece once had a tough choice on what J2O to order but settled on the 'Orange and Parachute' flavour. Since then in our household, passionfruit will only ever be called this.
When he was younger my son had a tendency to share his observations with me, loudly, when we were out.
"Daddy look at that fat man, he only has one leg. His wife is fat too, do you think it's because they eat too much?"
You need to appreciate that everyone in the car park could hear him and just to make sure there was no confusion, he stood still and pointed at them while he said "Look Daddy, look!"
Last year at our school, the young pupils were encouraged to wear their national costumes for an "International Day". One young lad had a typical Australian hat with corks attached. The teacher asked the other pupils if any knew the purpose of the corks on the Australian hat. One such pupil replied "to keep away the kangaroos" - classic!
It was "last year" in September 2014 too.... Still made me laugh 2nd time reading it though.
whilst doing little video of my 7 year old on train to send to cafc for the football for a fiver fan thing i was asking him q,s about the game. he was looking out the window whiklst answering he shouted top of his voice - look dad theres the pub we got to ..
My nephew (nearly 10) who has been bought up Millwall by he's mean mean parents and even regularly goes millwall has suddenly decided he supports Southampton, he's asked for the kit for his birthday and everything. I'm looking forward to buying it. (Really random as he lives in sittingbourne)
When he was little, my eldest loved biscuits but he could't say it properly, instead it came out as git git. His favourites were garibaldis, which he pronounced as baldy baldys. One day we were in the supermarket and he'd spotted the biscuits in the trolley and kept going on about them. We explained that we hadn't paid for them yet and that he'd have to wait until we got to the car park. When we got to the car park, he'd forgotten about the biscuits but as we put the bags in the car he suddenly saw them in the bag and shouted, 'Baldy baldy git git!' as loud as he possibly could. At the very same moment a man whose haircut made Duncan Goodhew's look positively wild, walked past. This guy obviously thought I'd put him up to it and gave me the filthiest look I've ever got in my life.
Same kid, some while later. My wife and I had gone out for the evening he was sitting on the settee watching tv with the baby-sitter, when he turned round and said, 'Jo, how come your boobies are bigger than mum's boobies'?
And a few years on we were going round to his nan's house. On the pavement outside was an old condom (she lives in a very classy area). As nan opens the door he comes out with, 'Nan, there's a dildo on the path outside your house. Me, trying to be helpful: 'that's not a dildo, it's a condom'. Him: 'what's a dildo then'? Me: 'it doesn't matter' Him: 'Yes it it does, nan what's a dildo' Nan, In genuine innocence: 'I don't know, what is a dildo'? Me: 'Can we just come in'
My mum told me once that she cringed beyond belief when there were a couple of plumbers installing a boiler and she could hear my 5 year old self chatting to them and they were humouring me until she heard me innocently ask where their horses were.
Apparently they asked why I was asking them where their horses were and I replied something along the lines of "cos my dad was saying earlier you were a pair of cowboys".
Came up on my Facebook the other day from last year my son (then 6) saying he wanted to be a Supply Teacher when he grows up because 'he'd like to be a teacher, but he doesn't want to work all the time'
Comments
"who are you supporting in the world cup semi finals?
because me and Grandma are supporting Holland,
because Britain and Argentina had a war,
because of some islands"
"can you remember the name of the Islands your Grandma told you the conflict was about?"
"er yes
er the Canary Islands"
me - nice day at school?
Jas - yes dad
me - make any new friends did you?
Jas (without even looking up from watching Team Umizomi) - yes Dad, Micky and weirdo..
me - thats nice, who's weirdo.......
silence..
"Are you going to have any more babies"
Wife - "No I don't think so"
"No you wouldn't want to do that again would you"
"Mummy was daddy smelly when you married him?"
Don't like what we kept asking and hed end up crying and running to our bed.
Well, we worked out that hed always hear us talk about the Canary Wharf as it was directly opposite our Living Room Window and wed often say it as we closed curtains etc.
So, as a 3 year olds imagination goes all he hears daddy say is the 'Kin-Hairy-Wolf' outside our window. absolute shit himself for weeks but was harder trying to explain what Canary Wharf meant to be honest.
"They can't."
"Yes they do, that sign says they will at 1:30."
A lady in a Burqa walked out and made her jump. The first thing she said was
"Mum! It's a ninja"
"Daddy look at that fat man, he only has one leg. His wife is fat too, do you think it's because they eat too much?"
You need to appreciate that everyone in the car park could hear him and just to make sure there was no confusion, he stood still and pointed at them while he said "Look Daddy, look!"
Still made me laugh 2nd time reading it though.
needless to say cafc edited that bit out.
“Does that mean I only have to spray under one arm?”
Same kid, some while later. My wife and I had gone out for the evening he was sitting on the settee watching tv with the baby-sitter, when he turned round and said, 'Jo, how come your boobies are bigger than mum's boobies'?
And a few years on we were going round to his nan's house. On the pavement outside was an old condom (she lives in a very classy area). As nan opens the door he comes out with, 'Nan, there's a dildo on the path outside your house.
Me, trying to be helpful: 'that's not a dildo, it's a condom'.
Him: 'what's a dildo then'?
Me: 'it doesn't matter'
Him: 'Yes it it does, nan what's a dildo'
Nan, In genuine innocence: 'I don't know, what is a dildo'?
Me: 'Can we just come in'
Apparently they asked why I was asking them where their horses were and I replied something along the lines of "cos my dad was saying earlier you were a pair of cowboys".