Call your boss and tell him you've just been down the clap clinic and have now got to spend the day making calls. Then ask to be put through to the secretary he's been knocking off.
Whatever you say they won't believe you so you may as well be creative. Tell them one of your bollocks fell off and when you return, put on a limp and a squeaky voice.
Call your boss and tell him you've just been down the clap clinic and have now got to spend the day making calls. Then ask to be put through to the secretary he's been knocking off.
Not so much an excuse but many years ago I phoned up the place I worked at 3pm to say I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't make it to work. Given I was meant to start 6 hours before at 9am they told me not to bother coming back again! In my defence I had phoned them the moment I had woken up after the previous nights excesses!
I'd like to start a campaign for a "phone in well" day. Everyone would be allowed one or two days a year when they can phone in to say they feel perfectly well -- so well, in fact, that they can't be arsed to come into work today.
I always try to make it in and then leave mid morning, you get the credit for coming in and making the effort and taking the next day off is easier then.
Where I used to work many moons ago a young lady called and said she was snowed in and wouldn't be in the office... problem being that there was no snow and anyway she lived about half a mile away! She got an award for that at the Christmas party.
I always said I'd been abducted by aliens. , Back in the day, there was a guy I worked with who was always off sick. The thing was, every time, it was always with a different illness. But he always had a doctor's certificate. Then he made his fatal mistake, running out of options, he was off with constipation. Now, his boss knew he liked a Guinness or six and thought that was extremely unlikely and wouldn't have meant a whole week off work. So he rang his doctor who said he hadn't seen him in over a year. Turns out the last time he went to the surgery, the doctor had to leave the room for a few moments and he took the opportunity of nicking a whole pad of certificates. He had indeed been "self-certificating". He got sacked.
Just don't work, claim dole. As a print business we lose 5 sick days a month on average over 40 staff. A few years ago with 60 staff we were losing 30 average. I visited a company in Norway who just didn't accept sickness. We changed our attitude and grouped people in teams whereby each team in bonused on attendance, By putting the worst offenders into each team we created a situation whereby if you were off sick you cost your workmates money. I can't tell you how well the system works. When people are sick they want it as holiday. In truth, we pay a bit more money out in bonuses, but it has been a major success. Very often a new person joins who has a history ( unbeknown to us ) of sickness. They don't last long driven out by their own co workers. Looking forward to this being slagged.
A good sickee needs careful planning. Start feeling sick a few days beforehand, but shrug it off. Use some additional props - cough sweets, hankies, pain killers. Don't over do the verbal moaning but cough and loose your voice occasionaly, when eventually you ring in you will almost be thanked for trying to stay at work. It helps if you don't have a record of being sick a lot and try to do it on days when you don't have a lot on, it makes it look like you have struggled in for important meetings. You can even say something along the lines of "I would have come in for that meeting but as ..... I thought it would be better to try and feel well for ......" You obviously have to know your 'audience' to best pull it off.
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Think they're called blanket or quilt days? You get 2 a year and when you just can't be arsed you can ring up and say I won't be I'm today.
Know a few companies that do them but mine dont the tight buggers
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Back in the day, there was a guy I worked with who was always off sick. The thing was, every time, it was always with a different illness. But he always had a doctor's certificate.
Then he made his fatal mistake, running out of options, he was off with constipation. Now, his boss knew he liked a Guinness or six and thought that was extremely unlikely and wouldn't have meant a whole week off work. So he rang his doctor who said he hadn't seen him in over a year. Turns out the last time he went to the surgery, the doctor had to leave the room for a few moments and he took the opportunity of nicking a whole pad of certificates. He had indeed been "self-certificating". He got sacked.