You know the day I met Bill Clinton... when he was actually president at the time. Have i mentioned this? Well anyway the day i met him whilst having a drink in a bar in Hong Kong... i got him in a good and proper headlock. didnt go anywhere for hours.
Was at the Orchard for a panto once when I suspected Brian Conley had copped off with my missus while I nipped for a jimmy during the interval. Confronted him about it during the second half, but had to give him a pass when 300 people said oh no he didn't.
I got my mate to kneel behind Joanna Lumley while I shoved her over once. That'll learn her, I thought. If my girlfriend was with me, she would have knifed her husband in the chest. And then I sat down at the nearest table and said "who wants some?"
I politely said to Catherine Tate once I wasn't really a fan of her show, and she turned round and spat in my face. I couldn't react because she's a bird and I'm old skool, but what a fu**in liberty.
I politely said to Catherine Tate once I wasn't really a fan of her show, and she turned round and spat in my face. I couldn't react because she's a bird and I'm old skool, but what a fu**in liberty.
I smashed the living shite out of Jimmy Krankie back 25 years ago...after he yelled fandabeedozie at my Great Grandmother, I have never been so offended, filthy language, and from a schoolboy!
I once bottled Adrian Chiles for getting his knob out at a bus stop. My Granddad's ghost was there and he was mightily offended. I smashed a Beck's Vier bottle right in his chops. Sorted him right out.
I was forced to lay out John Motson a couple of years back. He was on the Final Score giving it the big one about an FA Cup giant killing. Mentioned Scunthorpe several times. I wouldn't mind but my old mum was sitting next to me. I got right on the train and stormed up to him. He thought I wanted an authograph and reached for a pen, but I just took him out with a 2005 bottle of New Zealand cabernet sauvignon. I didn't hang around, after wiping my kebab paper on Dixons window I left. I wasn't taking that from a BBC stallwart. My shirt was covered in blood because Lawro had been scratching at me while I chillisauced Dixons.
I had to clobber David Dickinson a few years ago, told my mother her chest was 'a load of tat' and he wouldn't be able to do anything with it. He then declared to one of the producers that she looked 'cheap as chips' and that she wouldn't be able to resist taking on his 'real bobbly-dazzler'.
I once gave David Jason a sweet left hook.... he called me a Plonker in front of my dear old granny!! What fucking liberty, useing language like that!!!
Once had Sooty staring me out, when I asked him 'who you looking at?' he was too ignorant to answer, just whispered some chite to the bloke next to him. Stuck a soddin' magic wand that was hanging about right up his fundament!
Comments
He said "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
So i said "No, but ive told a donkey to f*ck off!
My Granddad's ghost was there and he was mightily offended.
I smashed a Beck's Vier bottle right in his chops.
Sorted him right out.
Absolutely battered him.
Not laughing anymore.
Slimy orange prick
True story...
Had said he was wanting us to win the play offs , I told him I was over the moon they went down