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A spaceship crash landed in south London.....

Henry IrvingHenry Irving
edited December 2009 in Fun, Jokes & Captions
Total right off so the super intelligent alien on board accepted that he'd have to settle down to life on earth.

Only trouble was that with an IQ of 500 he found it hard to fit in. By chance he discovered a mad scientist with an IQ reducing machine so decided to reduce his IQ to 250, get a Charlton season ticket and buy a house in Bromley.

He was strapped into the machine and all was going well with his IQ counting down 495, 490, 485 when the phone rang. The scientist went off to answer it and completely forgot about the alien.

When he suddenly remembered he rushed back to the machine and ripped the socket from the wall but too late. The IQ dial read 15.

"what have I done?" cried the scientist. "I've turned a super intelligent being into a deckchair"

He shook the alien and finally the extraterrestrial came round. "Speak to me, say something" screamed the scientist.

Finally the Alien started to speak but the Scientist could only hold his head in horror when he heard the words

"no one likes us, no one likes us...."

Comments

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    stonemusestonemuse
    ... it's ok because he won't care ;-)
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    AFKABartramAFKABartram
    Snow White arrived home one evening to find her home destroyed by fire. She was especially worried because she'd left all seven dwarves asleep inside. As she scrambled among the wreckage, frantically calling their names, suddenly she heard the cry: "Miiiiiiiiiiiii"

    "Oh thank goodness," sobbed Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive!"
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    ChizzChizz
    I heard the ship crash-landed right on top of Selhurst Park, causing a large fire and burning the Arthur Waite Stand to the ground. Apparantly it did nearly nine pounds' worth of damage.
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    stonemusestonemuse
    Two Millwall fans bump into each other, and one said:

    "Where did you get such a great bike?"

    The other replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off her clothes and said 'take what you want'."

    The first Millwall fan nodded approvingly: "Good choice" he said: "The clothes wouldn't have fitted."



    .................................................................................



    Little Johnny: "Mum I want to be a Millwall season ticket holder when I grow up." Mum: "Make your mind up Johnny - you can't do both."
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    Henry IrvingHenry Irving
    Two millwall fans sitting talking giving it large like in the pub.

    First Spanner says I saw that film "Titanic" last night

    Second Spanner says "was it any good?"

    First Spanner replies "yeah, the bit at the end when the ship sinks is great"

    To which the second Spanner says "Oh, thanks, now you've spoilt the ending for me"
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    Henry IrvingHenry Irving
    [cite]Posted By: Chizz[/cite]I heard the ship crash-landed right on top of Selhurst Park, causing a large fire and burning the Arthur Waite Stand to the ground. Apparantly it did nearly nine pounds' worth of damage.

    I think you've got that wrong.

    It did cause a big fire in the Arthur Wait stand but it caused nearly £20 of improvements.
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    stonemusestonemuse
    Two Millwall fans are out for a hike in the woods and come across some tracks.

    Fan 1: "Those look like deer tracks to me." Fan 2: 'No way! Those tracks are obviously made by a fox." They argued for ages and were still arguing when the train hit them.
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    stonemusestonemuse
    After finally realising that they were the worst team in South London, a Millwall fan had had enough. He ran down to the end of his road and nailed his season ticket to a tree in disgust. The next day, whilst walking his rather vicious looking dog, he walked past the tree and discovered that someone had stolen the nail.
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    stonemusestonemuse
    Kenny Jackett is out shopping in town when he sees an old lady struggling with her shopping

    Jackett: Can you manage, love?

    Old Lady: F*ck off, you took the job, you're stuck with it
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    Charlton DanCharlton Dan
    [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: Chizz[/cite]I heard the ship crash-landed right on top of Selhurst Park, causing a large fire and burning the Arthur Waite Stand to the ground. Apparantly it did nearly nine pounds' worth of damage.

    I think you've got that wrong.

    It did cause a big fire in the Arthur Wait stand but it caused nearly £20 of improvements.
    No youre both wrong. No damage was done because the small lake of standing water underneath the stand put the fire out.
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    Charlton DanCharlton Dan
    edited December 2009
    Now available from www.cpfc.co.uk

    Crystal Palace TABLECLOTHS - Suitable for any occasion but tend to slip down the table after a short time - £4:99

    Crystal Palace VIDEOS - All the highlights from the last 20 years action. This 10 min video, including lots of re-runs, is a perfect gift for any fan £9:99

    Crystal Palace BANNERS - Come complete with interchangeable slogans Eg:- "Jordan OUT", "Noades OUT", "LET ME OUT" etc.. £15:00

    "OUR LITTLE HERO" KEYRINGS - Come complete with model of Geoff Thomas (Our Hero) attached. - £0.50p each.

    Crystal Palace JOKE BOOK - A MUST for all fans. This 900 page book is full of all the best jokes ever told about the club. - £25:00

    Crystal Palace CONDOMS - Come in sizes from "Little Hero" to "BIG Dowie". Ideal for the pricks in the Arfur Waite Stand. - £0:75p for life-times supply. (3)

    Crystal Palace BRA - One for the ladies. This bra, in team colours, comes with poor support and no cups- £14:99

    Crystal Palace 'LADIES' TOWELS - The 'Tomas Brolin' sanitary towel, complete with instructions, "In for a week, Out for a month". - £1:00 each

    KEEPER'S GLOVE - A must for any fans at the back of the stand, or near the corner flags to catch any shots the lads may have at goal. £8:99

    BARGAIN BASEMENT - Don't miss the annual clearance sale of players. These come in all ages, (many are free of charge, spares or repairs)
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    stevietwellsstevietwells
    What's the difference between The Den and the recycling plant next door to it? One is where all the rubbish from South East London goes and the other is a recycling plant!
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    S_E_7S_E_7
    Q: What do you call a female Millwall fan with 2 brain cells...?

    A: Pregnant.
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    Off_itOff_it
    What did the bra say to the hat?

    You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.
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