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Jokes..

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  • My friend told me I don't understand irony, which was ironic in itself because I was standing at a bus stop at the time with a blue hat on
  • How do you get a fat girl into bed?


    Piece of cake.
  • Well made me laugh
    well.jpg 209.6K
  • As far as disabilities go, being mute isn't that bad...

    But I can't speak for everyone.
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  • 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Now everyone owns a car and only the rich own horses. Oh how the stables have turned....
  • edited November 2018
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  • edited November 2018
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  • Some guy just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.

    How dairy!
  • Solidgone said:

    Can you believe I was thrown out of my church for claiming Jesus spoke with a lisp?

    It was a real slap in the faith.

    Solidgone that is Solidgold mate
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  • edited November 2018
    Taxi_Lad said:

    Quality

    The original version of the album cover for The Beatle's Help! that was rejected by the record label.
  • There was this Scottish man who was about to go on a trip to England. The day before he left he asked his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Dunn, if she wanted anything from England.

    Yes, she said. Could you please find my son Neely. Hes been gone 10 years and has not written or phoned me. Ever! I write to him but he never replies. I try to phone him but he never seems to be in. Anyway, heres his address. And on a back of a handy envelope she scribbled:

    Neely Dunn

    WC1

    London, England.

    The next day, the man embarked on his journey. The plane landed at Heathrow. He got off the plane and was walking down the corridor when he saw a sign saying WC.

    He entered the room, and saw that it was a washroom. He proceeded to the first toilet stall, knocked on the door and said: – Are you Neely Dunn?

    Yes, but I ran out of paper, came the reply.

    Well, thats no excuse not to write your mother!!
  • Me: I've lost the dictionary
    Her: Can you look upstairs?
    Me: I can't look up anything
  • There are two types of people in the world, those who understand cell division and those who… sorry, it's four types!

    There are four types of people in the world…

    I meant eight types.

    There are sixteen types of people in the world…
  • Does anyone know Bruce Lee's Dad's name?

    It's always been a Mr. Lee to me.
  • My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub.

    So I've started smoking.
  • edited November 2018
    Had to ask my taxi driver to turn the reggae down today
  • 6:30 is the best time on a clock.

    Hands down...
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