Attention: Please take a moment to consider our terms and conditions before posting.

Jokes..

1163164166168169281

Comments

  • You know what it's like when your girlfriend spends ages jerking off three bus drivers at once, and then suddenly......
  • I haven’t done the Hoky Cokey for so long.... I’ve forgotten what it’s all about
  • Why was the anti-vaxxer's four year old crying?




    They were having a mid life crisis.
  • Sponsored links:


  • Why was the anti-vaxxer's four year old crying?




    They were having a mid life crisis.

    We need an ooooof! button (made me laugh though)
  • My Mrs kept complaining on and on, every month about her period pains!
    “You men just don’t know what it’s like. You’d be in agony if you had to go through it “
    One day I said “love.... can’t you take something for it?”
    “Like what “ she snapped
    “How about a VOW OF SILENCE “
  • iaitch said:

    I was driving on the motorway today when I saw a sign that read Turnoff- 1 mile ahead.

    Sure enough, a mile later at the side of the road was Diane Abbott with no knickers on, lifting her skirt.

    I think I've driven past that junction - Woolley Edge Services right?
  • Sponsored links:


  • A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

    "Oh my God, hurry!" she exclaimed. "Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

    "I can't jump out the window," her boyfriend responds. "It's raining out there!"

    "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

    So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

    Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

    "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

    "Oh yes," he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

    Another runner moved along side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"

    "Oh, yes," our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run, get in my car and go straight home."

    Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

    "Nope," comes the reply, "only when it's raining."
  • I was about to buy a new violin but then I realized there were too many strings attached.
  • How do you get two whales in a car?

    Down the M4
  • I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.


    It’s shift work
  • My pharmacist asked me to help him dish out prescriptions. So I've dispensed with him.
  • I just read that Swedish band Roxette have stopped using deodorant. Instead they use a butter substitute. It used to be Dove but it’s Clover now!
  • RobRob
    edited May 2018
    .

  • Rob said:

    .

    Dont see the point TBH
Sign In or Register to comment.

Roland Out Forever!