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Jokes..

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  • Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

    Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line”

    Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
  • I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
    Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

    Why is there only one word for thesaurus?
  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

    Aye matey

    What's a pirate's favourite letter?

    R? Nope, the C is always a pirate's first love.
  • Solidgone said:

    SG killing the jokes here, not in a good way :P

    I’m sorry to disappoint - I will no longer post humour.
    Come back Solidgone. Life is not the same.

  • edited January 2018

    Solidgone said:

    SG killing the jokes here, not in a good way :P

    I’m sorry to disappoint - I will no longer post humour.
    Come back Solidgone. Life is not the same.

    Youre right, its considerably better!
  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

    Aye matey

    Probably had this one before but...


    Why are pirates called pirates?


    Because the Aaaaargh.
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  • Bloke is cleaning his shotgun when it goes off, peppering his todger.

    After 3 weeks in hospital he's still pissing like a watering can.

    Surgeon says to him:

    "I've done all I can so I think it's best if I introduce to my friend who plays the clarinet for the LSO".

    "What good can he do then?" the bloke asks.

    "He'll show you how to hold it" the surgeon replies.



  • Max Miller told the story of the man walking along a very narrow ledge.

    A large woman approached and he wondered

    Should I toss myself off or block her passage
  • what do you call an australian with a bottle of wine

    a waiter
  • Roland Duchatelet's negotiating skills.
  • our football club
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  • My mates always got to out do me. I told him I have booked a holiday in Tenerife, he had to go one better so he booked a holiday in Elevenerife.
  • I said to the wife tonight 'Don't you think I sing just like Rag and Bone Man?'

    'Sort of' she said, 'but more like A rag and bone man'.

  • As my Nan neared the end, we bought her a coffin. We attached wheels to it just as she requested. After that, she went downhill very quickly.
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